We thought 100 would lead to 200, 200 to 400, 400 to 800, but we found it’s not easy to avoid the point at which what you’re doing becomes a threat to the larger system. That’s another story, and I’m not here to give you a lecture on the need for system reform. I haven’t figured out yet myself how it should be done, but I refuse to accept the idea that it’s not worth doing, even though resistance to it is so great. What I want to talk about today is human relationships. I want to make the claim that there is a crisis in human relationships in our society, one that is reflected in our schools and that is more dangerous than any crisis in the economy. It... posted on Feb 13 2023 (2,337 reads)

they’re not just an assemblage or collection of species. They are a community, which means that they are interdependent; they depend on one another. They depend on one another in many ways, but the most important way in which they depend on one another is a very existential way — they eat one another. That’s the most existential interdependence you can imagine. Indeed, when ecology was developed in the 1920s, one of the first things people studied were feeding relationships. At first, ecologists formulated the concept of food chains. They studied big fish eating smaller fish, which eat still smaller fish, and so on. Soon these scientists discovered that the... posted on Feb 26 2014 (26,592 reads)

their deepest concerns.And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives if they would join us as members of the study,many of the women said, "You know, it's about time." So what have we learned? What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages of information that we've generated on these lives? Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder. The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period. We've learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills.... posted on Jan 8 2016 (131,844 reads)

society. Clearly, we cannot get to a future worth inhabiting through these separating paths. Our great task is to rethink our understandings of community so that we can move from the closed protectionism of current forms to an openness and embrace of the planetary community. It is ironic that in the midst of this proliferation of specialty islands, we live surrounded by communities that know how to connect to others through their diversity, communities that succeed in creating sustainable relationships over long periods of time. These communities are the webs of relationships called ecosystems. Everywhere in nature, communities of diverse individuals live together in ways that support ... posted on Jun 4 2017 (11,875 reads)

of aliveness, of vibrancy, of vitality, of renewal. And that is way beyond the description of sexuality. And it is mystical. It is actually a spiritual, mystical experience of life. It is a transcendent experience of life, because it is an act of the imagination. Ms. Tippett:I’m Krista Tippett, and this is On Being. Esther Perel was a therapist for 20 years before she began to write about sexuality. She studied Jewish identity in different national contexts, and focused on relationships between different minority groups in the U.S., the Middle East, and Eastern Europe. She grew up speaking multiple languages at home, above her family clothing shop in Antwerp in Belgium ... posted on Dec 18 2019 (10,434 reads)

when we have trauma. That we disconnect from ourselves, we often feel isolated and disconnected from other people. I think it was [Robert] Jay Lifton who said, "A short definition for trauma would be broken connection." I started to get really interested in how do we heal broken connection, and it became a calling, and I thought, "Well, gosh, you have to go back to the beginning, to the early attachment patterning, to really see what's happening in our original template for relationships." Then of course, if we have trauma later, that might exacerbate an attachment injury, or we have this patterned way of responding. Maybe there's even support there, but we c... posted on May 27 2019 (10,765 reads)

at our smartphones while playing games with our children. We forget to take thirty seconds to greet our spouse warmly when we haven’t seen her or him all day. We decline a call from our friend or grandmother because we don’t feel like mustering the energy to truly listen. This modern world we live in is full of common situations and experiences which, if not handled well, create resistance rather than ease, impairing the strength that a relationship brings us. Tiny ruptures in our relationships drive love and connection out of our lives. You know the feeling: You’re having coffee with an old friend, and her cell phone keeps buzzing. She’s left her thirt... posted on Jan 8 2017 (19,437 reads)

that was going on at home and the other that was about staying really busy to compartmentalize my life. And that pattern  continued after my mom died. I met Carla about three years later, right after I moved to Los Angeles. A few months into our friendship, she mentioned that her dad had died about six months before. I found I lacked vocabulary to talk about my mom who she was, and how her life and her absence continued to show up in who I was, in everything from jobs to relationships to what I wanted out of life. By that point in my life, I’d long since adjusted to a new normal and didn’t really identify as grieving even. But I found I lacked vocabul... posted on Oct 10 2018 (9,133 reads)

much as I learned from it, I realized that my heart and my character longed to be more connected and engaged in our world. And so it was out of that place that I chose to come back to my lay life and continue, continue teaching—I had been teaching some before—and then later ended up writing my book and sharing my understanding of how these different paths come together, how the internal training of contemplative practice is really an essential ingredient for our conversations and relationships in life—and vice versa, how the more we pay attention to our communications and the healthier our relationships are, the more it actually deepens our spiritual practice. TS:... posted on Sep 21 2022 (3,403 reads)

have referred to these kinds of ties, as well as other types of looser connections such as neighborhood acquaintances, as bridging capital. Bridging capital may involve weaker ties, but the breadth and diversity of these ties can expose us to new ideas and opportunities beyond what is available in our narrower inner circles. Research suggests that job seekers who have wide-ranging weak ties are actually more likely to be successful in their search than those who have stronger close relationships. In addition, studies show that people with a large amount of bridging capital have a greater sense of connection to the broader community, a more open-minded attitude, and a greater abi... posted on Sep 6 2017 (7,184 reads)

use or advocate for violence, especially as a means for self-defense. As an advocate for nonviolence, I have learned a great deal from the likes of the Black Panther Party, the Zapatistas, the Deacons for Defense and the anarchists in the Spanish Civil War, among others. Their struggles and sacrifices should never be discounted, nor should we ignore the many lessons from their movements. We should also never judge those who have used violence for self-defense in interpersonal relationships — abusive relationships, robberies, assaults, etc. If people felt like that was their only means of protecting themselves, I only pray that they were okay. Finally, we need to a... posted on Jan 15 2018 (15,018 reads)

entrepreneured the development of some key building block organizations for civil society in the new South Africa. He then founded and now runs an international nonprofit dedicated to bringing constituent feedback to social change practice. He had an unexpected invitation to speak with Nelson Mandela, who reinforced that development aid and philanthropy run aground because those on the receiving end have no say in it, and that "in social change, as in our personal and social lives, it is relationships that determine outcomes. What follows are selected wisdom nuggets from an Awakin Call with David Bonbright Centrality of relationships for meaningful social change efforts:&... posted on Dec 8 2020 (3,672 reads)

is so important. I’m so glad you underscored it because it is different from fixing. In order to heal — to me, healing is about making whole. And to be a healer, you have to be able to listen, to learn, and to love. And I saw those three forces at work in my parents and how they cared for their patients. So that’s what got me interested in the process of healing. But I also saw that when you help people heal, as my parents did, you also build these beautiful relationships with them. And I saw my parents who, as two immigrants, who came to this country not knowing anyone, not really having any connections or supports, they built a community through their s... posted on Apr 14 2023 (3,847 reads)

that follows participants over the course of a lifetime, and the study in which Camille participated—known as the Grant Study, because it was originally funded by entrepreneur and philanthropist William T. Grant—is now the longest longitudinal study of biosocial human development ever undertaken, and is still on-going. Through reviews of Camille’s and his Harvard peers’ medical records, coupled with periodic interviews and questionnaires exploring their careers, relationships, and mental well-being, the study’s goal was to identify the key factors to a happy and healthy life. I arrived at the Grant Study in 1966. I became its director in 1972, a posi... posted on Oct 23 2013 (66,428 reads)

a study that follows participants over the course of a lifetime, and the study in which Camille participated—known as the Grant Study, because it was originally funded by entrepreneur and philanthropist William T. Grant—is now the longest longitudinal study of biosocial human development ever undertaken, and is still on-going. Through reviews of Camille’s and his Harvard peers’ medical records, coupled with periodic interviews and questionnaires exploring their careers, relationships, and mental well-being, the study’s goal was to identify the key factors to a happy and healthy life. I arrived at the Grant Study in 1966. I became its director in 1972, a posi... posted on Oct 25 2015 (29,244 reads)

interrelatedness and kinship—and I had seen many examples of how to be caring and supportive. I was also very fortunate to begin working with a Navajo community leader, Thomas Walker, who had been raised by generations of Peacemakers, and he brought that training to his work with the school. Traditional Peacemaking is a system of resolving conflicts that Navajos used long before contact with Europeans. It is built upon K’e, and the fundamental idea is to restore relationships and harmony rather than to assign guilt and punishment. Even though the Peacemaking system of justice and healing is foreign to mainstream American culture and the antagonistic nature of... posted on Feb 11 2017 (19,097 reads)

pasture in fresh air and sunshine with freedom to move around. I think of our goat herder, Douggie Newbold, who says that when she kisses her goats' ears, it makes the cheese better, and I think that's true! I also think about the bakers coming in to the White Dog and putting into the oven the rolls and pies and cakes that the customers will enjoy that day. And I think about the Zapatistas in Chiapas, Mexico, who grow the coffee for the cup I'll have that morning. Business is about relationships with all the people we work with and buy from and sell to. My business is the way I express my love for the world, and that is what makes it a thing of beauty. Over the past twenty-on... posted on Apr 17 2018 (7,480 reads)

that river, pulling out tires, shopping carts, microwaves. We’d get to know the local organization and learn about the history of the neighborhood. There’d be three hundred volunteers in the same yellow t-shirt. Then later that evening there'd be a huge celebration where each of the buses would share stories of what they learned, what they saw, their impact, and what they were going to do about it. The mission of the organization was to reveal leadership through service, relationships, and action. We served others in the community, and built relationships with one another; but then we challenged ourselves to apply what we learned and make a positive impact. Pre... posted on Jan 2 2019 (3,193 reads)

a certain way, and maybe the person behind me is doing it in a different way for me. So it’s not that I gave this much and I expect this much back. I’m receiving and I’m paying forward with gratitude. If we let go of that transaction in a one-to-one way, what we get is a circle. It’s a shift from direct reciprocity, which is, “I gave you this so you give me this in return,” to indirect reciprocity. And when we engage in indirect reciprocity what we gain are relationships. That’s becomes a gift ecology – a field of myriad relationships of generosity. In such a field, everyone behaves differently, and our shared experiences lead to entirely dif... posted on Jul 5 2019 (7,848 reads)

tell us so much more about who and how similar we are. Tell me you're from France, and I see what, a set of clichés? Adichie's dangerous single story, the myth of the nation of France? Tell me you're a local of Fez and Paris, better yet, Goutte d'Or, and I see a set of experiences. Our experience is where we're from. So, where are you a local? I propose a three-step test. I call these the three "R’s": rituals, relationships, restrictions. First, think of your daily rituals, whatever they may be: making your coffee, driving to work, harvesting your crops, saying your prayers. What kind of r... posted on Feb 2 2019 (9,450 reads)