They learn to look beyond language to identify underlying emotions, whether joy, fear, frustration, or curiosity. In so doing, they learn to understand their own emotions and those of others. They’re in a program called Roots of Empathy, part of a growing education trend broadly referred to as “social and emotional learning” (SEL), where children—and often their teachers and parents—learn to manage emotions, and to develop the skills required to establish relationships, de-escalate and resolve conflict, and effectively collaborate with others. Kids burdened by loss, anger, and feelings of rejection need, proponents suggest, a way to regulate those emot... posted on Jun 25 2014 (17,878 reads)

adults. He seemed at peace with himself, his family, his work, and the world. As a young person I understood that he had something that I wanted: a sense of belonging, of being at home in the world. My relationship with my friend’s dad opened up a whole new world for me outside the confines of traditional suburban Maryland. As I grew older, I intentionally sought out mentors like my friend’s dad who would guide me, answer my questions, and teach me how to be a better man. These relationships have changed my life, inspired me, and helped me mature from an adolescent boy into a man. Unfortunately, research suggests that most young people aren’t so lucky; they go on th... posted on May 22 2015 (27,690 reads)

until I heard of Mark Boyle, a man in the UK who lived without money who felt healthier than ever before, that I was very interested in starting this experiment to live in a gift economy. Last year, I began an experiment to heal myself from cancer by transitioning to a gift economy. I decided not to buy anything from strangers and impersonal companies as much as possible because I feel disconnected. It bothered me that I don't know where my food comes from! All this stress, impersonal relationships and loneliness isn't good for my health. So I decided to support and rely on my family, friends and local neighbours for my basic needs. I asked a friend, Carlos, to invite his frien... posted on May 25 2015 (23,093 reads)

the fixed mindset — creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over. If you have only a certain amount of intelligence, a certain personality, and a certain moral character — well, then you’d better prove that you have a healthy dose of them. It simply wouldn’t do to look or feel deficient in these most basic characteristics. I’ve seen so many people with this one consuming goal of proving themselves — in the classroom, in their careers, and in their relationships. Every situation calls for a confirmation of their intelligence, personality, or character. Every situation is evaluated:Will I succeed or fail? Will I look smart or dumb? Will I be acce... posted on Oct 9 2015 (25,860 reads)

cultural settings. The results, published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, showed that the pursuit of happiness did indeed lead to less well-being for Americans, a finding that replicates prior studies. This wasn’t the case elsewhere in the world. The impact of culture on the pursuit of happiness seems to be related to the way different cultures view happiness, says Ford. In Russia and East Asia, study participants were shown to strongly equate happiness with social relationships—something Ford says is in line with their more “collectivist,” or group-oriented, cultures. In Germany and the United States this wasn’t the case, probably a resu... posted on Jan 7 2016 (18,474 reads)

is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received. When we treat community as a product that we must manufacture instead of a gift we have been given, it will elude us eternally. When we try to “make community happen,” driven by desire, design, and determination—places within us where the ego often lurks—we can make a good guess at the outcome: we will exhaust ourselves and alienate each other, snapping the connections we yearn for. Too many relationships have been diminished or destroyed by a drive toward “community-building” which evokes a grasping that is the opposite of what we need to do: relax into our created condition ... posted on Aug 29 2016 (28,488 reads)

you had a billion dollars to give, what would you do?" It's a great question that we often ask our interns.  In this week's NY Times, best-selling author David Brooks articulated his response after being inspired by the recent letters of Giving Pledge signers. And it seemed like a page straight out of the ServiceSpace handbook. "Only loving relationships transform lives, and such relationships can be formed only in small groups. I’d seed 25-person collectives, a group of people who met once a week to share." Just like Awakin Circles.  He spoke about local retreats, quite in the vein of Moved by Love. &nb... posted on Jul 28 2017 (9,886 reads)

good products and services, you’ve got to figure out what their pain is. MW: That’s right. You may never have used the word compassion, but when you’re identifying somebody’s pain point and you’re trying to create something that alleviates it, that’s actually compassionate product design. NE: Fantastic. So it makes us better at designing the products. What else? MW: It makes us much better at delivering a service. Service quality hinges on relationships, and relationships deepen when we listen and hear what’s going on in someone else’s life. We tune into something that might be causing them pain, and we respond in an authent... posted on Sep 13 2018 (7,519 reads)

conflict behaviors—things like widening the lens to consider alternate viewpoints, or admitting your part in creating conflict. In other words, being authentic is essential to resolving conflict at work in a productive and positive way.  It’s also been tied to less burnout, because it helps people deal more easily with jobs that involve a lot of emotional labor. 2. Utilize the power of appreciation Showing appreciation is fundamental to building strong relationships, keeping negative things in perspective, and empowering teams. However, it is different from offering recognition. We often think of these things as the same, especially in professional ... posted on Sep 30 2018 (8,168 reads)

True, we’re  not trying to sell quick-fix-spirituality that promises enlightenment in five easy steps. Our programs represent the depth and challenge and true requirements of a spiritual journey. So, it’s very important that we never sell out or compromise on mission. That is our first bottom line: being true to our mission. Our second bottom line is our process: How are we doing the work? For us, the ends and means are the same, as I mentioned. Are we honoring all of our relationships—with authors, with vendors, with customers, with future generations? Are we valuing the workplace itself? So, our second bottom line involves the health of all of our relationships... posted on Nov 24 2018 (6,298 reads)

is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received. When we treat community as a product that we must manufacture instead of a gift we have been given, it will elude us eternally. When we try to “make community happen,” driven by desire, design, and determination—places within us where the ego often lurks—we can make a good guess at the outcome: we will exhaust ourselves and alienate each other, snapping the connections we yearn for. Too many relationships have been diminished or destroyed by a drive toward “community-building” which evokes a grasping that is the opposite of what we need to do: relax into our created condition ... posted on Feb 21 2019 (17,663 reads)

in a school, which can arise from a greeting, the way a problem is resolved, or how people work together; it is a school’s “heart and soul,” its “quality and character.” Schools with a positive climate foster healthy development, while a negative school climate is associated with higher rates of student bullying, aggression, victimization, and feeling unsafe. The elements of a positive climate may vary, but may often include norms about feelings and relationships, power and how it is expressed, and media consumption. Social norm engineering is a conscious process that builds a positive culture among student peers and school adults that ... posted on Nov 4 2019 (6,430 reads)

the more that you will generate connection with people that allow for you to be who you are. We get into dynamic with your family and there is underlying agreement, a tacit agreement that this is how we be together. And you leave that part and as long as you leave that part and leave that part behind, then we can get along here. As you become more aligned with yourself, it no longer becomes tolerable for you to leave parts of yourself behind. And as a result of that, you will generate relationships and you’ll seek out and you will find relationships with people that will be comfortable with allowing you to be who you are. That is tolerable for you is the first thing that n... posted on Jan 18 2022 (3,986 reads)

of the world’s greatest novels, provides a portrait of gratitude in action that is as timely and relevant today as it has ever been. It is also one with which contemporary psychology and medicine are just beginning to catch up. Simply put, for most of us, it is far more helpful to focus on the things in life for which we can express gratitude than those that incline us toward resentment and lamentation. The benefits of gratitude When we focus on the things we regret, such as failed relationships, family disputes, and setbacks in career and finance, we tend to become more regretful. Conversely, when we focus on the things we are grateful for, a greater sense of happiness tends to... posted on Nov 13 2022 (4,994 reads)

until the whole process was completed. With me there, he couldn’t ask for a bribe. There were things like that. Since my background is in filmmaking, I thought we’d make a film, to help raise money to improve the living conditions. We got permission initially, and I started going into the facility and making connections with the children. Then after a few days they said “Sorry, we’re withdrawing your permission.” They were scared. But, overall, we had such good relationships with them. Our first year was about building relationships with the guards. The guards and caretakers would be so nervous that we were entering the facility on Sunday. They would yell an... posted on Jan 9 2023 (2,472 reads)

for so much new value to be created. Another type of capital is community. We think of contributors as individuals usually, but actually 1 plus 1 ends up being greater than 2 because that plus sign in between has value. How we relate, how we connect to each other can end up changing the entire outcome. If you look at a piece of graphite and a piece of diamond, they're both made up of the same carbon atoms. The only difference is in how they're connected to each other. This idea of relationships ends up being a very important one. We don't have to go farther than our own dining tables to understand this. In one research study, the US was actually ranked 33 out of 35 count... posted on Apr 19 2016 (51,469 reads)

some wonderful gifts that I really didn’t know how to handle or manage, being just a very sensitive soul, sensitive to, I think really, the needs of the human spirit to have just incredibly unconditionally loving and accepting environments around each other, and just kind of sensitive to the potential of people to be these wellsprings of love and generosity, and I really felt that, and then this incredible discrepancy between that possibility and the way that things often play out in relationships. And so I had a keen perception of truth and of differences between the things people said and what they did, and I just didn’t know how to handle all of that and was afraid tha... posted on Apr 1 2023 (4,467 reads)

Crises Series, ”Collaborative Painting by Helen Klebesadel and Mary Kay Neumann, Watercolor on Paper During our times painting together in one of our studios I would often relay to Helen what I was learning about Realational Neuroscience and  IPNB. I described Steven Porges’ Polyvagal Theory (2011)  that our need to connect with others "is a biological imperative." and our human need for our embodied brains to experience warm, welcoming relationships in order to feel safe in the world.  Dr. Porges also tells us that when we no longer feel safe, we will adaptively fight or flee or dissociate. No wonder it is so challenging f... posted on Sep 26 2023 (3,224 reads)

go blind. I mean, that leads us nowhere. So balcony … I mean, paradoxically, the best way to start a difficult conflict conversation, a difficult negotiation is to stop. The best way to start is to stop. The best way to engage is first to disengage.   TS: As a possibilist, one of the interesting things that you say right in the beginning of Possible is, you sort of turn this view of conflict on its head and you write, “Conflict can produce better ideas and ultimately better relationships.” And you go on, and I’m just going to read this for a moment, “When I wrote Getting to Yes more than 40 years ago, yes meant a mutually satisfying agreement. Today, I ... posted on May 13 2024 (2,538 reads)

answer questions in a short period of time but were given the option to borrow time from future rounds. Despite their high IQs, they ended up borrowing time at ridiculous rates, ultimately ruining their long-term performance in the game. So it turns out that the actual challenge of scarcity isn't in just the external circumstances or even our cognitive abilities -- the crux of it is how we respond internally to scarcity. This psychology of scarcity can subtly come into play in our relationships. Sometimes we get so fixated on what it is that we want from a situation or a person that we no longer have the flexibility of mind to see anything else. If we become so focused on what ... posted on Oct 18 2011 (22,585 reads)