大约九天前，我和妻子雷带着两个儿子从班加罗尔待了三个星期后，回到了我们在孟买17楼的公寓。我们打开门，发现门上积了一层薄薄的灰尘，天花板上结满了蜘蛛网，厨房的桌子上整齐地排着一排蚂蚁。屋里的空气污浊不堪，我离开那天晾晒的衣服耷拉在晾衣绳上。想到要一边照顾两个跑来跑去的男孩一边收拾房子，我们俩都觉得头疼。妻子雷是个一丝不苟的母亲，她开始认真地把家里打扫干净，而我则带着孩子们到院子里散步，好让她能专心工作。
第二天早上，我拿起一块抹布，开始擦拭藤椅。雷已经把所有的坐垫套都取下来放进了洗衣机。坐垫堆放在门厅的一个角落里。六把藤椅随意地散落在客厅的地板上，就像搬家时公寓里一片狼藉的景象。我找了个舒服的姿势，以便能够清洁椅子上所有细长的藤条。但在继续之前，我必须先向你们介绍一下这套特别的家具的历史。
这些椅子最初是我父亲1975年在加尔各答买的，当时他搬进了城里的公寓，花了75卢比（相当于今天的不到2美元）。接下来的25年里，这些椅子辗转于加尔各答、海得拉巴、班加罗尔、马杜赖和班加罗尔之间。2002年，我在钦奈安家时，父母把椅子也搬了过去。此后，这些椅子在钦奈和孟买之间来回走了两趟，现在安放在安德里一栋17楼的公寓里。所以，这些藤椅显然不仅仅是几把“旅行老椅子”，它们几乎已经是我们家的一份子了！
2005年夏天，我的处境糟透了。一段破裂的感情，工作上的僵局，以及对酒精和烟草日益加深的依赖，这一切都让我陷入了恶性循环，每时每刻都深陷其中，却无法自拔。就在我几乎崩溃的时候，母亲决定来看我。只有母亲才能如此敏锐地察觉到，即使远隔千里，她也明白我的生活远没有我在电话里说的那么美好。她来访的第一个晚上，就试图让我谈谈自己的生活现状，哪些方面进展顺利，哪些方面出了问题。我百般抗拒，闪烁其词，使尽浑身解数来维持表面的平静。我以为我成功了。
第二天晚上我下班回家，发现我位于香格里拉34号的小房间简直像个画家的工作室。还没走出电梯，就闻到了油漆和颜料干涸的气味。走进屋子，我才明白妈妈做了件荒唐事。她决定每天晚上在家亲自把所有的藤椅都重新粉刷一遍。接下来的四天里，她一丝不苟地坐在地上，直到四肢酸痛，一丝不苟地追求着这门她之前从未接触过的艺术的完美。一周后，椅子焕然一新。屋子也显得明亮起来，为了增添一丝生机，她还在去教堂的路上买了些花，插在桌子上的花瓶里。
不知怎的，在她画画的几个小时里，她其实是在默默地见证我当时的处境。在那些沉默的时刻，她让我知道，即使我不想说话，她也一直都在我身边。她无需开口，就用无声的呐喊告诉我“我懂”。离家这么久之后，我终于体验到了只有父母才能给予的那种无条件的、充满关爱的、全然的爱。而正是这份爱，彻底改变了我的人生。五天后，我开始思考未来的可能性，痛哭一场之后，我对未来感到更加乐观了。
我经常思考是什么驱使一个人走向自杀，尤其是在媒体报道的离奇死亡事件日益增多的情况下。比如，美国事业有成的工程师、两个孩子的母亲、14岁的学生。究竟是什么让他们做出如此极端的事情？我打算尝试总结一下（你需要知道的一件事）。
当人们真正认为没有人理解他们，也没有人再关注他们的感受/处境时，他们就会选择自杀。
要走到今天这一步，你需要经历一段旅程。这段旅程始于父母无条件的爱。从那以后，途中总会有那么一刻，事情开始急转直下。如果你没有一个可以让你重新振作、帮你粉刷椅子直到你准备好倾诉的社群，那么你的人生就会迅速滑向深渊，无法挽回。由此可见，那些感受到爱、理解和关怀的人，不太可能产生自杀倾向。
当我回过神来，回到当下，我开始注意到画作的细节。笔触的痕迹，残留在颜料中、逐渐凝固并最终融入椅子的笔触碎片。我思考着完美的定义，最终得出结论：任何用爱、热情和真诚之心创作的作品都是完美的。我的母亲并非画家，椅子的质感也并非完美无瑕，但对我而言，这便是完美的。我闭上双眼，默默地向上帝献上感恩的祷告。我意识到，既然我已经决定追寻我的梦想，就意味着我即将开启一段新的旅程，我祈求上帝赐予我勇气和力量，让我能够坚持走下去。
那天晚上，藤椅都擦拭干净，换上了干净的椅套，我舒服地窝进其中一把。那时，我仿佛还能感受到母亲陪伴我度过的那些日子里，她温暖的拥抱。我们常常忘记，人生中唯一无条件给予我们的，永远是父母的……我瞥了一眼坐在房间另一头的两个儿子，提醒自己肩负着多么重大的责任：要时刻陪伴他们，关注他们的经历，体贴他们的情感需求。
COMMUNITY REFLECTIONS
SHARE YOUR REFLECTION
17 PAST RESPONSES
What a wonderful story to share with a world desperately in need of real love. God richly bless you for being a blessing to me and many others who read this article.
Thank you. You bring my life to a new positive level!!!!
With tears in my eyes. I am writing this:
I am in the exact same situation in which you were in 2005. I lost my love, no work, no money, shattered from within. But yes like you I am lucky to have a mother who loves me so much. I only wish my Dad would do the same.. I did attempt 2 sucide attempts because my father never gave me the freedom. But today if I am fighting, its because of my love.
And I promise I will keep fighting for the love she gave me. and yes indeed Love is all we need.
a wonderful experience and one I can associate with only friends helped me as my parents were too far away to worry, bit listeing friend pulled me through dark times
I retired in 1996 after plying trains
on the Western Railway for 41 years – steam, diesel, electric traction,
including 25 years over the suburban network as a Motorman.
A Motorman sets off for work like any
other worker. Moreover, he is a peacetime civilian, not a wartime soldier.
Unlike a doctor or a priest who
visits terminal patients, countless times i have watched horror stricken as
normal citizens like you and me, in their hurry to cross the tracks and beat
the oncoming train, are tragically knocked down, many of them fatally.
People contemplating suicide often
hurl themselves before the speeding train. Some take time to die. As they lay
on the track, watched by a motley group of commuters, their eyes revealed the
mystery hidden from all of us during our earthly journey. The mystery of Life
on Earth. With their Head pillowed on the railway track, i would gently ask
them to seek pardon from our Maker, as they prepare to enter their heavenly
home.
Suicide is a societal failure. At the
decisive stage, a person decides that there is no hope in this life, perhaps
the next life might provide as a solution. Beauty, Wealth and Wisdom do not
prevent this Depression. An idyllic depiction is The 2010 Black Swan movie
based on Tchaikovsky's ballet.
Conversation is expressing the
negative and suppressing the positive. We pretend the positive and deny the
negative.
The only true conversation is with
[Hide Full Comment]our Maker through Prayer and Meditation. Easier said than done.
I retired in 1996 after plying trains
on the Western Railway for 41 years – steam, diesel, electric traction,
including 25 years over the suburban network as a Motorman.
A Motorman sets off for work like any
other worker. Moreover, he is a peacetime civilian, not a wartime soldier.
Unlike a doctor or a priest who
visits terminal patients, countless times i have watched horror stricken as
normal citizens like you and me, in their hurry to cross the tracks and beat
the oncoming train, are tragically knocked down, many of them fatally.
People contemplating suicide often
hurl themselves before the speeding train. Some take time to die. As they lay
on the track, watched by a motley group of commuters, their eyes revealed the
mystery hidden form all of us during our earthly journey. The mystery of Life
on Earth. Their Head pillowed on the railway track, i would gently ask them to
seek pardon from our Maker, as they prepare to enter their heavenly home.
Suicide is a societal failure. At the
decisive stage, a person decides that there is no hope in this life, perhaps
the next life might provide as a solution. Beauty, Wealth and Wisdom do not
prevent this Depression. An idyllic depiction is The 2010 Black Swan
movie based on Tchaikovsky's ballet.
Conversation is expressing the
negative and suppressing the positive. We pretend the positive and suppress the
negative.
The only true conversation is with
[Hide Full Comment]our Maker through Prayer and Meditation. Easier said than done.
I liked the story. However, it makes a grandiose assumption. That assumption would be that all parents love unconditionally. This is a false assumption. Parents should and are expected to love their children. Child abuse persist on a variety levels in the United States and around the world. I suppose it could be argued that a parent still loves their child while they are beating them senseless but this is a degradation of the word love. Such a perversion of love encourages suicidal ideation and action. i am glad this honest truth addressing the facts of suicide were left in. Once we admit what is happening to people around us we have a chance to make the world a better place rather than shunning the facts because they are unpleasant. Please be aware that the privilege you have in having had loving parents is not a luxury afforded to all!
I think that it is beautiful that yours and your mothers relationship is so deep. She really gets you. Make sure you thank your higher power for your relationship with your mother, she is a true blessing in your life. As for you, please keep your head up you have two boys and a wife who may need you to someday be their silent rock or chair in this case. SMILES to your story:)
I hear where you're coming from Stephen, I really do, and I'm so pleased for you that you have parents who are able to love you unconditionally...but not all parents can! Unfortunately (because it's such a tough and long winding road), it's up to the children of the parents who can only 'love' with conditions, to learn to unconditionally love themselves...
"People commit suicide when they truly believe that no one understands them or stands witness to their feelings / situation any more" This is what he said. So when you comment that someone you knew committed suicide, he didn't say they weren't loved enough. And to the person that said people commit suicide because they are mentally ill that is not always the case either. I have worked in the mental health field for a long time and there are many, many reasons people contemplate and/or commit suicide. This story is wonderful and the writer is talking about what he believes and his experience.
Beautiful story, until the part about suicide. Helen and Wendy are right on. My beautiful 32 year old son took his life five years ago. I know that he knew that I loved him; I know that he loved me. Unconditional love is a vital component of parenting . . . sometimes it is not enough.
That was a lovely story, but since I have a friend whose daughter committed suicide a few months ago, your conclusion that children who are loved don't commit suicide is too presumptive. It is also dangerous in that it can lead to guilt in the minds of their parents who naturally already feel they soulda, woulda, coulda done something to prevent it. Generalizations based on one personal experience not conclusive, nor what someone in leadership should be teaching.
Beautifully stated.
Even a
non living thing give life
This is a teachable moment. Stephen, people commit suicide because they are mentally ill. Mental illness is an affliction that our society wishes to sweep under the rug. Mental illness is not a choice and yet it is treated as such. Despair is not a choice. Despair is made worse by self- medication (alcohol, drugs). Despair encompasses a person so wholly that one sees nothing but darkness for the days ahead. People in despair can be surrounded by love, they are just unable to see it or they are in such emotional pain that ending their life is they only way they perceive they can obtain peace While your story is a lovely one, it continues the idea that mental illness is not an illness at all.
nice one ...!!!!!
Lovely story!