"we can't make anyone angry just like we can't make anyone happy."

That may be true for adults, but the not-yet-fully developed mind of a child does not have the experience or maturity to understand that. Therefore, it is (should be) up to "adults" to recognize that and adjust the message. To date, our culture does not understand that, what with all the "up by my own bootstraps" nonsense.

My third grade teacher messed me up for learning by making me stand and explain the different parts of a sentence (nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc.). Day after day she would do that, and day after day I stood there, frozen with fear and shame. She was a bitter and harsh person (she even burned her son's Cub Scout uniform because of some trivial thing) and I've struggled with academics ever since. Then, there was my father's temper and yelling… The feelings they engendered were not my choice at the time, but now I do have the knowledge and experience to start changing that.

As adults, we can rewire our neural pathways (to a large degree) that were set when we were young. However, as a 60 year old who still struggles with the effects of harshness and anger aimed at me when I was very young, I can attest to the difficulty of changing my inner landscape.

The last thing I want to (or should) do now is see my third grade self as having a choice in the matter. I didn't.

My choice is now.