Whether it is a New Year’s resolution or other life-changing goal, friends and family like to help. However well-meaning, they can unintentionally hinder someone’s efforts to make changes. Psychologists say a person’s ability to change depends on motivation, and motivation depends on three things: confidence that we can make the change; our sense of autonomy “based on our own choice or if it’s something we want to do” versus have to do; and feeling accepted, valued, and supported by others. They suggest ways to help support and reinforce motivation such as expressing the belief they are fully capable, expressing confidence in their choice, and fostering relatedness in offering to be their partner. Other ways include promoting their self-awareness without pestering with questions, offering compassion, not offering solutions without being asked, and to “cheerlead your heart out when they have success.”
