I just went thru a mini version of this with myself. I'm only 60, but I had a number of health issues in a row, including a broken leg that left me in a wheelchair for over a month. I live alone, family issues abound, so siblings of no use, nieces I love, but not nearby, altho they did rush to help once they understood what was happening.
I so related to the idea of suddenly being thrust into the present, dealing with practical issues, one after another. It was extremely disturbing and disconcerting to go from control freak to so out of control, and living in an unfamiliar world of doctors, hospitals, visiting nurses, surgery, etc, etc. I kept feeling like I slipped into bizarro world.
Even basic things, like opening the blinds on my windows, became nearly impossible, until I was forced to ask for help to move things around in my house (again, SO foreign to me). While my health crisis is nearing the end (I hope!), I had no idea in the middle of it whether it would ever stop.
It has REALLY made me think about the future, my "declining" years. Frankly, it scares the crap out of me. I hate to say it, but I wished more than once that I would just die and get it over with. I don't fear death at all. I DO fear being incapacitated and alone, or at the mercy of uncaring strangers (or, worse, uncaring branches of family).
Thank God I got to experience how people did show up. Not necessarily ones I expected to, but it still fills me with tears knowing I was not really alone. But still.... can't quite shake that feeling, one I've lived with my whole life. (Boy does an experience like that kick up all of one's issues in spades!!) When the end nears, it will still require something that's almost more than I can do... ASKING for that help from others. I suppose that will be my own learning experience as I face the end.
ORIGINAL COMMENT
I just went thru a mini version of this with myself. I'm only 60, but I had a number of health issues in a row, including a broken leg that left me in a wheelchair for over a month. I live alone, family issues abound, so siblings of no use, nieces I love, but not nearby, altho they did rush to help once they understood what was happening.
I so related to the idea of suddenly being thrust into the present, dealing with practical issues, one after another. It was extremely disturbing and disconcerting to go from control freak to so out of control, and living in an unfamiliar world of doctors, hospitals, visiting nurses, surgery, etc, etc. I kept feeling like I slipped into bizarro world.
Even basic things, like opening the blinds on my windows, became nearly impossible, until I was forced to ask for help to move things around in my house (again, SO foreign to me). While my health crisis is nearing the end (I hope!), I had no idea in the middle of it whether it would ever stop.
It has REALLY made me think about the future, my "declining" years. Frankly, it scares the crap out of me. I hate to say it, but I wished more than once that I would just die and get it over with. I don't fear death at all. I DO fear being incapacitated and alone, or at the mercy of uncaring strangers (or, worse, uncaring branches of family).
Thank God I got to experience how people did show up. Not necessarily ones I expected to, but it still fills me with tears knowing I was not really alone. But still.... can't quite shake that feeling, one I've lived with my whole life. (Boy does an experience like that kick up all of one's issues in spades!!) When the end nears, it will still require something that's almost more than I can do... ASKING for that help from others. I suppose that will be my own learning experience as I face the end.