弥合破碎的一小刻

Sep 4, 2019

我以前一直认为自己是个很包容的人。但几周前，工作场所发生的一件事让我意识到自己的缺陷——它让我看到自己的价值观与某些时刻的反应之间存在脱节。我在一家酒店前台工作。过去几周，有好几次，一位性工作者在我们酒店预订了房间。坐在前台，我经常看到她在走廊里与人互动，看到她办理入住和退房手续。每次她走过，我都会感到一种难以言喻的厌恶。仅仅是看到她，就让我感到无比沮丧。我只想赶紧离开，或者干脆别过脸去。

但我内心深处却有个声音在说：“等等！说到底，她也是个有灵魂的人，她身上蕴藏着大地母亲赋予我们每个人的美丽。那我为什么要评判她呢？” 我意识到，当她待在我们家时，我内心并不平静。一种不安的感觉油然而生，我需要弄明白这种不适感。仿佛我需要弥合内心价值观与行为之间的裂痕。

在我们酒店，如果客人不使用信用卡付款，我们会收取押金。客人退房时，我们会退还押金。但在退还押金之前，我们通常会安排一位客房服务员检查房间，确保没有损坏。如果一切正常，我们会退还押金。

一天早上，这位女士来到前台办理退房手续，她正要把房卡递给我。尽管我本意是好的，但我对她的厌恶之情却如此强烈，以至于我刻意避开了她的手。就在那一刻，我突然意识到：如果我要开始治愈自己破碎的心，那就是现在。

所以，我没有派管家去检查房间，而是决定亲自去。我离开办公桌，请她稍等片刻，我去她的房间看看。去她房间再走回来可真是一段漫长的路啊！

站在房间里，我琢磨着该如何驱散心中的阴霾。从她手里接过房卡时，我刻意避开了她的手，这件事一直让我耿耿于怀。我坐在沙发上，知道她肯定也坐过这里。环顾四周，我注意到茶几上放着一包打开的薯片。我知道那是她碰过的东西。于是我起身，拿起茶几，从打开的袋子里抽出一片薯片吃了下去。

不知怎的，这个简单的举动让我感到平静。也许这是我表达“是的，我接受她本来的样子。她是一个有血有肉的人，她的行为并不代表她本人。是我们所创造的社会环境把她变成了现在这样。”的方式。

那只是一个很小的瞬间，但它却以一种强大的方式治愈了我内心的创伤。

COMMUNITY REFLECTIONS

SHARE YOUR REFLECTION

4 PAST RESPONSES

sheri Vee Sep 5, 2019

I aplaud your efforts to erase your own bias. It always begins one step at a time. I hope you were able to look at her or even touch her hand when you gave her the deposit back. Not sure I would have eaten the chip as todays folk sprinkle drugs, but admire your courage in doing so to break down the barrier. In every sector, bias and bigotry in race or gender and work change only begins with one sincere step forward.

Kristin Pedemonti Sep 5, 2019

May I ask, did you also extend this connection directly to her? Did you then go back and touch her hand, look into her eyes and even without words share heart in acceptance of her as a human being. < said with deep love. <3

anon Sep 5, 2019

I appreciate you stretching your initial comfort zone, so thank you for sharing. But I have to say, the stigma against sex workers is still extremely strongly represented in your post. And I get it, because I used to feel that way, too. I hope you eventually seek more informed understanding of sex work. Of course, some people are forced into this work - sex trafficking, lack of opportunities, etc. is a real and awful problem. But many others choose it, for various reasons. There should be no shame in choosing it. Perhaps if this type of work was not so widely stigmatized, it would be safer for everyone. Maybe this seems a radical or inappropriate comment, but I think it is important to bring to light. There are many articles about realities of sex work and workers, and it is of course a complex issue, with many problems and also virtues. These are human experiences, and I think sometimes our personal values are ill informed. I hope you and others will stretch further outside your comfo... [View Full Comment]

ahma Sep 4, 2019

what a beautiful and important reflection you have written. Thank you so much. There are so many ways we separate ourselves from one another without even realizing. i am moved by what you did.