Viele Jahre habe ich in der Palliativmedizin gearbeitet. Meine Patienten waren diejenigen, die zum Sterben nach Hause gegangen waren. Wir haben unglaublich schöne Momente miteinander verbracht. Ich habe sie in den letzten drei bis zwölf Wochen ihres Lebens begleitet.
Menschen wachsen enorm, wenn sie mit ihrer eigenen Sterblichkeit konfrontiert werden. Ich habe gelernt, die Fähigkeit eines Menschen zum Wachsen nie zu unterschätzen. Manche Veränderungen waren phänomenal. Jeder erlebte, wie erwartet, eine Vielzahl von Emotionen: Verleugnung, Angst, Wut, Reue, noch mehr Verleugnung und schließlich Akzeptanz. Jeder einzelne Patient fand jedoch seinen Frieden, bevor er starb – jeder einzelne von ihnen.
Auf die Frage, was sie bereuten oder was sie anders machen würden, tauchten immer wieder gemeinsame Themen auf. Hier sind die fünf häufigsten:
1. Ich wünschte, ich hätte den Mut gehabt, ein Leben zu führen, das mir entspricht, und nicht das Leben, das andere von mir erwarteten.
Dies war das häufigste Bedauern. Wenn Menschen erkennen, dass ihr Leben fast vorbei ist, und klar darauf zurückblicken, wird ihnen schnell klar, wie viele Träume unerfüllt geblieben sind. Die meisten Menschen hatten nicht einmal die Hälfte ihrer Träume verwirklicht und mussten sterben, weil sie wussten, dass dies auf Entscheidungen zurückzuführen war, die sie getroffen oder nicht getroffen hatten.
Es ist sehr wichtig, zumindest einige Ihrer Träume zu verwirklichen. Sobald Sie Ihre Gesundheit verlieren, ist es zu spät. Gesundheit bringt eine Freiheit, die nur wenige erkennen, bis sie sie nicht mehr haben.
2. Ich wünschte, ich würde nicht so hart arbeiten.
Das kam von jedem männlichen Patienten, den ich pflegte. Sie vermissten die Jugend ihrer Kinder und die Gesellschaft ihrer Partnerin. Auch Frauen sprachen von diesem Bedauern. Da die meisten jedoch einer älteren Generation angehörten, hatten viele der Patientinnen nicht das Geld verdient. Alle Männer, die ich pflegte, bedauerten zutiefst, so viel Zeit ihres Lebens im Hamsterrad des Arbeitslebens verbracht zu haben.
Indem Sie Ihren Lebensstil vereinfachen und dabei bewusste Entscheidungen treffen, können Sie das Einkommen, das Sie zu benötigen glauben, möglicherweise nicht benötigen. Und indem Sie mehr Freiraum in Ihrem Leben schaffen, werden Sie glücklicher und offener für neue Möglichkeiten, die besser zu Ihrem neuen Lebensstil passen.
3. Ich wünschte, ich hätte den Mut gehabt, meine Gefühle auszudrücken.
Viele Menschen unterdrückten ihre Gefühle, um den Frieden mit anderen zu wahren. Infolgedessen gaben sie sich mit einem mittelmäßigen Leben zufrieden und wurden nie zu dem, was sie wirklich sein konnten. Viele entwickelten Krankheiten, die auf die daraus resultierende Bitterkeit und den Groll zurückzuführen waren.
Wir können die Reaktionen anderer nicht kontrollieren. Obwohl die Menschen zunächst vielleicht reagieren, wenn Sie Ihr Verhalten ändern, indem Sie ehrlich sprechen, hebt es die Beziehung letztendlich auf ein ganz neues und gesünderes Niveau. Entweder das oder es löst die ungesunde Beziehung aus Ihrem Leben. So oder so, Sie gewinnen.
4. Ich wünschte, ich wäre mit meinen Freunden in Kontakt geblieben.
Oftmals erkannten sie erst in ihren letzten Wochen den vollen Nutzen alter Freunde, und es war nicht immer möglich, sie wiederzufinden. Viele waren so in ihr eigenes Leben vertieft, dass sie im Laufe der Jahre wertvolle Freundschaften vernachlässigten. Viele bedauerten zutiefst, diesen Freundschaften nicht die nötige Zeit und Aufmerksamkeit gewidmet zu haben. Jeder vermisst seine Freunde im Sterben.
Es passiert jedem, der ein geschäftiges Leben führt, dass Freundschaften platzen. Doch wenn man mit dem nahenden Tod konfrontiert wird, treten die materiellen Details des Lebens in den Hintergrund. Zwar möchten viele Menschen ihre finanziellen Angelegenheiten möglichst in Ordnung bringen. Doch nicht Geld oder Status sind ihnen wirklich wichtig. Sie wollen die Dinge eher zum Wohle ihrer Lieben ordnen. Meist sind sie jedoch zu krank und erschöpft, um diese Aufgabe jemals zu bewältigen. Letztendlich dreht sich alles um Liebe und Beziehungen. Das ist alles, was in den letzten Wochen bleibt: Liebe und Beziehungen.
5. Ich wünschte, ich hätte mir erlaubt, glücklicher zu sein.
Das ist überraschend häufig. Viele erkannten erst am Ende, dass Glück eine Entscheidung ist. Sie blieben in alten Mustern und Gewohnheiten stecken. Der sogenannte „Trost“ der Vertrautheit übertrug sich auf ihre Gefühle und ihr physisches Leben. Aus Angst vor Veränderung täuschten sie sich selbst und anderen vor, zufrieden zu sein. Tief im Inneren sehnten sie sich danach, wieder richtig zu lachen und Spaß zu haben.
Wenn man auf dem Sterbebett liegt, ist es völlig egal, was andere von einem denken. Wie schön, schon lange vor dem Tod loslassen und wieder lächeln zu können.
Das Leben ist eine Entscheidung. Es ist DEIN Leben. Wähle bewusst, wähle weise, wähle ehrlich. Wähle Glück.
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Thank you . We are the creators of our lives and we have the choice what kind of life we want to live . That is the truth .
Happiness, what the hell was that! I regret having to be subjected to such a sad life for 68yrs. now and probably another 15 to 25 more years as more punishment on this hellhole! ( Perfectly healthy since having my tonsils out in 1957 and lousy life from being one-eyed blinded in 1951! Yes I also know I'm angry and bitter! ) I've lived the life I wanted, with the restrictions and sadness imposed by the circumstances and it's still been a load of crap! ( Always been "in this world, not of it! ) "It's a Wonderful Life"? Hell it is!!!
I appreciate your thoughts. Thoughts like these are not just for grown ups. They are thoughts that were felt even as a child, not ever measuring up, or at the least.."different than". As a Chaplain and one who brings comfort to ohers, and some would say brings a lot of of peace and comfort to others, a.k.a. successful in one's job, I have had to come to the understanding that God or the Divine made me who I am and have given me the abilities, likes, joys and talents that I have. I need to often realize that I AM doing what fulfills ME, not someone else.
This stings. Quite a lot. I'm not doing the best at the moment even with having a pretty comfortable life. I'm working in a field that I've chosen, I'm married with two kids and have a roof over my head. I have no reason to complain. So why am I so stressed out? Because even though I am ok with not being a "Champion of the Universe" (read: rich and successful) and I'm "only" an academic librarian with a Master's degree, in the eyes of many I am a failure.
And it isn't fair. And life isn't fair.
Even choosing to do something that I love and staying out of trouble and going "above and beyond" isn't good enough sometimes. You have to do the right thing in the eyes of society - usually something that makes you a bunch of money - especially if you are a man. No excuses. Failure is not an option. Depression and stress are signs of weakness.
So here I am expressing my feelings to strangers that I'm pretty ticked off that things haven't changed in my lifetime. I am one of those guys living a life of "quiet desperation" because I am the "least successful" one in my family and among my friends, peers and neighbors. I'm constantly reminded of it through the vacations that people take and the restaurants they visit and the gifts they receive. I really shouldn't care and don't until other people constantly bring it up and because I haven't taken my kids to swim with the dolphins, I'm a lesser parent.
On my deathbed, I'm hoping to tell those gathered around that I was pretty happy and satisfied with my life choices. But I'm not there yet.
[Hide Full Comment]what a thought provoking article , thank you
The first 30 years of my life were spent trying to get my parents to show me any kind of love or affection I could get. But as the oldest of 5 it was impossible so I spent my youth trying to please others and in the end I lost something important...me.
I just re-read this article and was deeply touched by it. Thank you for featuring this piece. It's such an important reminder, one that often gets lost in the little tasks that make up each day. :)
Just what Anita Moorjani talks about ....1 Love your Self. 2 Be true to yourself, 3 KnowLife is a Gift
4. Choose Joy.
This article has touched me deeply.
We keep on postponing our wishes in the hope that there is still time left. Should seriously start fulfilling some of them before I am into my final round of regrets.
I'd spent a lot more time in the pouring rain without an umbrella coverin my head.
And I'd stood up to that bully when he pushed and called me names, but i was too afraid.
And I'd of gone off to see elvis that night he came to town... mama said i couldn't.
And I'd a went skinny dipping with jenny carson that night she dared me to... but i didn't.
Oh I.... I'd done a lot of things different.
I wish I'd a spent more time with my dad when he was alive... now I don't have the chance.
Ladies and Gentlemen... the great Kenny Chesney signing " A lot of things different".
http://www.youtube.com/watc...
:) :) I LOVE
Life is a journey not a destination! Doesn't matter what and/or how you travel through it, as long as you do it peacefully. It is not healthy taking everything so serious. Life is too short... We need to thank God for the time we have had with those we love, and quit regretting things we could have or should have done. Enjoy what is in front of you, live for today as though it is your last day on earth. We never know what will happen or where we will be tomorrow. If I had a chance to live another life, I don't believe I would change much, I have learned from both good and bad, mistakes and successes, it is all part of the journey, afterall, we do write our own script, God just helps guide us through it if you allow him to. Peace
Definitely agree with what you stated. Your explanation was certainly the easiest to understand about "Top Five Regrets of the Dying".
What articles like this miss is that sometimes we have no choice. In today's job market, we cannot just say don't work so hard. If we don't someone else will. We can live a simple life, but when a loved one has a medical issue and the bills are high, we have to keep working. Sometimes there are no other choices. We just have to suck it up as they say and plug on.
Only when desires cease, will suffering cease, such is the way with man.
Doesnt matter if the desire is materialistic or altruistic, as long as it exists suffering will continue.
i also feel like that, some times we had capacity to handle the things, situations, or relations more efficiently, but we unable to did so and some day when we r alone and try to find out reason of failure we realize one of these regrets or combine effect of these 5
This should be a remember to everyone that you only live once and so you should live it to the max. Don't waste your time trying to impress people through out your life because it will only hurt you in the end. That's why it was #1. You can live life passively or you can take on a journey that life provides. Chase after your dreams and expand your comfort zone. You would be surprised of how much potential you have as a human being. Offer kindness and compassion as much as you receive them.
Hiding our feelings is a crime to ourselves......its lyk an ordeal......
n moreovr as a ring makes an impint on our finger evn after removing it......in d same way dese un expressed feelings makes us immortal smewhere..................
I don't think it can hurt very much if you tell someone that you don't like something.
It depends how you use your discretion. and that won't be a big problem when dying
I have been wondering
I've been controlling and hiding my feelings in order not to hurt and offend others, but I don't think that I would regret it if I' ll die.
I like the 4 others above (regret of dying)
I figured I'd have 4 out 5 but all five have been forefront to me lifelong.I've been very lucky.
an understanding is missing in all of the recaptures, including authors comments.
all the people that had regrets would live exactly the same life as they did if they had a second chance for simple reason- they didn’t understand that what happened to them was the LIFE. If they could, they would live differently.
What this article shown is that people died without finding happiness even at the last moments of their lives. Happiness doesn’t have time measure. You always have time before you die! It could be a millisecond before you die. But if you spending time in regrets, then your life is exactly what you are, full of regrets.
DON’T choose consciously, DON’T choose wisely, DON’T choose honestly. DON’T choose happiness. DON’T have regrets. If you are choosing you are always in doubt, and in regrets…..
Stop choosing; accept what is coming to you! Be happy!
That is fact. When you in bed 6th day and you can't even go a toilet is when you will loose hope. without hope will mean no life. I may be seen that and first thing came to my head was why I didn't enjoy life. With Allah's greatness I got the time and I can enjoy at maximum by doing whatever I like. I can be in the mosque or I can be in my room abusing alcohol or i can visit a relative or I can please anyone but not displease them. When people are young, they don't have experience but when they see all sides with all effects they just cool down for knowing one time they will good bye.
It is good to add that into the accounts and enjoy life at its highest. turn away all those don't please or just don't give time. imagine if someone is living in fear or jail and we are free from all. we also need to not forget that enjoying too much is destructive. So it is better to balance and shape it like you like it to be.
peope died a long time ago, are still in the graves begging God to finish this world and start a new one so that thy would form part of the next population. they are unlucky because resurrections are not near.
[Hide Full Comment]We too are not lucky because life is short....so we have to dedicate to good.
"We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win."
This is huge! When we understand this, we can have a bit of freedom.
Wonderful:))
"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. " that is how we share the gift we were meant to bring into the world. thank you for this reality check. Please everyone take the risks needed to realign the culture with human potential & lifes fuller possibilities. We are in a western cultural ditch but we need not stay there!!