One way of measuring whether our love is genuine, however, is to examine how far we've extended the boundaries that determine whom we are willing to be in relationship with. When these borders reach out as far as they can go, there will be no one left outside, there will be no one cursed. There will be no more strangers. Everyone will be welcome.
Reflect for a minute on what it feels like to be welcomed. The word means, simply, 'come and be well' in my presence. It's a fundamental human experience, and a very crucial one. When I am welcomed, I feel good. I can be myself. I relax and feel unself-conscious, energized, happy. On the other hand, when I am not welcomed, I doubt myself, turn inward, shrivel up. I feel excluded, not accepted, and not acceptable. This is painful. If it happens often enough, I will question my own self-worth.
Hospitality means creating welcoming space for the other. Henri J. Nouwen notes that the Dutch word for hospitality, gastvrijheid, means 'the freedom of the guest.' It entails creating not just physical room but emotional spaciousness where the stranger can enter and be himself or herself, where the stranger can become ally instead of threat, friend instead of enemy.
[...] That precious experience — when contemplated, cherished, and celebrated — enables me in turn to welcome others: I begin to be less fearful of the other; I start to see the stranger as gift. I become willing to create space in myself to invite the other in, and I open myself to the possibility of being changed by the presence of the other.
I invite the reader to sit with any of the wonderful hospitality stories found in the traditions of all the great religions. Mull them over; ask God for insight into them. Then ask for courage to take small steps in expanding your own circle of hospitality. These might be as tentative as smiling at the stranger in line with you at the grocery store, as deliberate as hosting a get-together for all the strangers in your apartment building, or as dramatic as volunteering to foster an unaccompanied refugee child in your own home. It might not cost you much, or it might mean going out on a limb: Can you imagine yourself during Thanksgiving dinner speaking up to your brother-in-law in defense of the undocumented, pointing out that, really, everyone is kin to us, and everyone has a human right to live where they can support their own family?
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We all want to belong, to matter and to be understood. Here's to opening those spaces
I recently felt this deep hospitality in Iran when I performed in their Storytelling festival. I was the 1st American ever invited and it was a most wonderful experience, mostly because of the kindness, caring and generous hospitality extended. I immediately felt welcome and as though our hearts were connected. I am grateful! I always extend kindness whether that is a smile, a hug, a heartfelt compliment, conversation; always welcoming in the people I encounter and remembering we all want to belong, matter & be understood. Hugs from my heart to yours!
Princess,
Remember, at times like that, the difference between fact and opinion. Fact: You are a very desirable person to a huge body of people, and you know that. Yet, like all of us, you're not desirable to a much smaller group. Too bad some of them were someone else's "family" that I gather you would like to be a part of. But it is their opinion that you aren't desirable. Simply get a realistic and accurate self image of yourself and seek out people compatible with that image.
With 6.5 billion people out there you can certainly do without many of them. Your happiness isn't dependent on everyone's opinion of you. When you pray, perhaps you should pray that those who selfishly didn't accept you should learn understanding and kindness. YOU will be just fine without them.
Chip
Awesome article. Very true. I recently had an experience where I wasn't welcomed by someone's family, and it took me back to the first time where I was not accepted via family relations. I did question who I was, and never felt good enough. It hurts, but I don't want to be that way to others. I pray for courage.
I get Stan's point. Especially when my comfort level is breached. Why can’t “they” learn our
language so I can describe the simple task I need done?
However, like osmosis, capillary action, and the rise and fall of tides, people have moved for a variety of reasons since time immemorial. Fleeing marauding bands, war, famine, climate change (dead were the ones who stayed PUT during the last ice age). You, I’m sure, have
experienced love. Consider, please, that “love” is a basic human emotion, and a person’s love of family (and of “self,” therefore self-preservation), combined with changing circumstances, will drive people, EVEN YOU to different places for simple survival, or for love.
Rather than bemoan the fact you have been made uncomfortable by the hoards of illegals, consider that you can’t do a damn thing about it, and nobody can. Governments and laws are weak instruments to stem the tide, whether of the ocean tides, or a mass of humans migrating for survival, or love. Instead of complaining, or trying to change it, accept reality and “deal with it.” “Man up~!” You have no choice.
I do a lot of open ocean sailing. I may complain about the weather, and feel sorry for myself in a storm, but I KNOW I can’t do a damn thing about the surrounding circumstances, but I better open my eyes, measure what is going on around me, and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT to ensure my OWN survival for the situation I’m in. In short, “deal with it.”
And I write this knowing you and I share the same feelings about the hoards of illegals, but I’m calmed by the above realization. So I take a deep breath, and talk with these people. And I have learned that they’re just like you and me. Just in far different circumstances, and I realize that I am VERY THANKFUL THAT I DON’T HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS.
I’m 71 years old, and have learned a few things. Most important, I have helped raise five kids
who are very productive in society. We all complain about circumstances, and move through them every time. We are happy.
Chip
[Hide Full Comment]How many of your "kin" do you invite to Thanksgiving.... the undocumented ones? Even one? If one, then why didn't you invite 10? 100? How would you feel if 100 came uninvited?
Do you really propose that 100 or 200 million people around the would who would like to move here "where they can support their own family" have the human right to do so? Does anyone who wants to come have the "right" to invite themselves to your Thanksgiving celebration? If so, do you invite them? And not just for one meal at Thanksgiving, do you invite anyone who wants to come to live in your home as long as they want?
Imagine yourself inviting everyone who wants to come to attend your family Thanksgiving celebration, and then to stay as long as they like. Imagine that.
Thank You . Beautiful .