しかし、私たちの愛が本物かどうかを測る一つの方法は、私たちが誰と関係を持ちたいかを決める境界線を、どれほど広げてきたかを見ることです。境界線が限界まで広がった時、取り残される人は誰もいなくなり、呪われる人もいなくなります。もはや見知らぬ人はいなくなります。誰もが歓迎されるのです。
少しの間、歓迎されるというのはどういうことか考えてみてください。その言葉は、ただ「私の前にいて、元気でいてください」という意味です。これは人間にとって根源的な経験であり、非常に重要なものです。歓迎されると、私は気分が良くなります。ありのままの自分でいられます。リラックスして、気負わず、エネルギーに満ち、幸せな気持ちになります。一方、歓迎されないと、私は自分自身を疑い、内向きになり、萎縮してしまいます。疎外感を感じ、受け入れられず、受け入れられていないと感じます。これは辛いことです。もしこのようなことが何度も繰り返されると、自分の価値さえ疑ってしまうでしょう。
ホスピタリティとは、相手を温かく迎える空間を作ることです。ヘンリ・J・ナウエンによれば、オランダ語で「ホスピタリティ」を意味する「gastvrijheid」は「客の自由」を意味します。これは物理的な空間を作るだけでなく、見知らぬ人が入り込んで自分らしくいられるような、感情的なゆとり、脅威ではなく味方、敵ではなく友人になれるような空間を作ることを意味します。
[...] その貴重な経験は、じっくり考え、大切にし、祝福することで、私を他者を歓迎する力へと導いてくれます。他者への恐怖心が薄れ、見知らぬ人を贈り物のように感じるようになります。他者を招き入れるための空間を自分の中に作り出すことを厭わなくなり、他者の存在によって自分が変わる可能性に心を開くようになります。
読者の皆さんには、偉大な宗教の伝統に見られる素晴らしいもてなしの物語を一つでもじっくりと読んでいただきたいと思います。じっくり考え、神に洞察を求めてください。そして、自分自身のもてなしの輪を広げるために、小さな一歩を踏み出す勇気を求めてください。それは、スーパーで並んでいる見知らぬ人に微笑みかけるようなためらいがちかもしれませんし、アパートに住む見知らぬ人全員を招いて集まりを主催するような意図的なものかもしれませんし、保護者のいない難民の子供を自宅で養育するボランティアをするといったドラマチックなものかもしれません。費用はそれほどかからないかもしれませんし、思い切った行動になるかもしれません。感謝祭のディナーで、義理の兄弟に不法滞在者を擁護し、「実際には誰もが私たちの親戚であり、誰もが自分の家族を養える場所で暮らす権利を持っている」と訴える自分の姿を想像できますか？
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We all want to belong, to matter and to be understood. Here's to opening those spaces
I recently felt this deep hospitality in Iran when I performed in their Storytelling festival. I was the 1st American ever invited and it was a most wonderful experience, mostly because of the kindness, caring and generous hospitality extended. I immediately felt welcome and as though our hearts were connected. I am grateful! I always extend kindness whether that is a smile, a hug, a heartfelt compliment, conversation; always welcoming in the people I encounter and remembering we all want to belong, matter & be understood. Hugs from my heart to yours!
Princess,
Remember, at times like that, the difference between fact and opinion. Fact: You are a very desirable person to a huge body of people, and you know that. Yet, like all of us, you're not desirable to a much smaller group. Too bad some of them were someone else's "family" that I gather you would like to be a part of. But it is their opinion that you aren't desirable. Simply get a realistic and accurate self image of yourself and seek out people compatible with that image.
With 6.5 billion people out there you can certainly do without many of them. Your happiness isn't dependent on everyone's opinion of you. When you pray, perhaps you should pray that those who selfishly didn't accept you should learn understanding and kindness. YOU will be just fine without them.
Chip
Awesome article. Very true. I recently had an experience where I wasn't welcomed by someone's family, and it took me back to the first time where I was not accepted via family relations. I did question who I was, and never felt good enough. It hurts, but I don't want to be that way to others. I pray for courage.
I get Stan's point. Especially when my comfort level is breached. Why can’t “they” learn our
language so I can describe the simple task I need done?
However, like osmosis, capillary action, and the rise and fall of tides, people have moved for a variety of reasons since time immemorial. Fleeing marauding bands, war, famine, climate change (dead were the ones who stayed PUT during the last ice age). You, I’m sure, have
experienced love. Consider, please, that “love” is a basic human emotion, and a person’s love of family (and of “self,” therefore self-preservation), combined with changing circumstances, will drive people, EVEN YOU to different places for simple survival, or for love.
Rather than bemoan the fact you have been made uncomfortable by the hoards of illegals, consider that you can’t do a damn thing about it, and nobody can. Governments and laws are weak instruments to stem the tide, whether of the ocean tides, or a mass of humans migrating for survival, or love. Instead of complaining, or trying to change it, accept reality and “deal with it.” “Man up~!” You have no choice.
I do a lot of open ocean sailing. I may complain about the weather, and feel sorry for myself in a storm, but I KNOW I can’t do a damn thing about the surrounding circumstances, but I better open my eyes, measure what is going on around me, and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT to ensure my OWN survival for the situation I’m in. In short, “deal with it.”
And I write this knowing you and I share the same feelings about the hoards of illegals, but I’m calmed by the above realization. So I take a deep breath, and talk with these people. And I have learned that they’re just like you and me. Just in far different circumstances, and I realize that I am VERY THANKFUL THAT I DON’T HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS.
I’m 71 years old, and have learned a few things. Most important, I have helped raise five kids
who are very productive in society. We all complain about circumstances, and move through them every time. We are happy.
Chip
[Hide Full Comment]How many of your "kin" do you invite to Thanksgiving.... the undocumented ones? Even one? If one, then why didn't you invite 10? 100? How would you feel if 100 came uninvited?
Do you really propose that 100 or 200 million people around the would who would like to move here "where they can support their own family" have the human right to do so? Does anyone who wants to come have the "right" to invite themselves to your Thanksgiving celebration? If so, do you invite them? And not just for one meal at Thanksgiving, do you invite anyone who wants to come to live in your home as long as they want?
Imagine yourself inviting everyone who wants to come to attend your family Thanksgiving celebration, and then to stay as long as they like. Imagine that.
Thank You . Beautiful .