하지만 우리의 사랑이 진실한지 가늠하는 한 가지 방법은 우리가 누구와 관계를 맺을 의향이 있는지를 결정하는 경계를 얼마나 넓혔는지 살펴보는 것입니다. 이 경계가 최대한 넓어질 때, 누구도 소외되지 않고, 누구도 저주받지 않을 것입니다. 더 이상 낯선 사람은 없을 것입니다. 모두가 환영받을 것입니다.
환영받는다는 것이 어떤 느낌인지 잠시 생각해 보세요. 환영이라는 단어는 간단히 말해 '내 곁에서 편히 쉬세요'라는 뜻입니다. 이는 인간의 근본적인 경험이자 매우 중요한 경험입니다. 환영받을 때 저는 기분이 좋습니다. 있는 그대로의 제 모습을 드러낼 수 있습니다. 긴장을 풀고 편안하며, 활력이 넘치고 행복한 기분을 느낍니다. 반대로 환영받지 못할 때는 스스로를 의심하고, 내면으로 침잠하며, 위축됩니다. 소외감, 거부감, 그리고 스스로 가치 없다고 느낍니다. 이는 고통스럽습니다. 이런 일이 자주 일어난다면 저는 제 자존감마저 의심하게 될 것입니다.
환대란 타인을 위한 편안한 공간을 만드는 것을 의미합니다. 헨리 J. 누웬은 네덜란드어로 환대를 뜻하는 'gastvrijheid'가 '손님의 자유'를 의미한다고 지적합니다. 이는 단순히 물리적인 공간을 만드는 것을 넘어, 낯선 사람이 들어와 있는 그대로의 자신을 드러낼 수 있는 정서적 여유를 제공하는 것을 의미합니다. 낯선 사람이 위협이 아닌 동맹이 되고, 적이 아닌 친구가 될 수 있도록 하는 것입니다.
[...] 그 소중한 경험을 되새기고, 간직하고, 기념할 때, 나는 다른 사람들을 환영할 수 있게 됩니다. 타인에 대한 두려움이 줄어들고, 낯선 사람을 선물처럼 여기게 됩니다. 내 안에 타인을 초대할 공간을 기꺼이 만들고, 타인의 존재로 인해 변화될 가능성에 마음을 열게 됩니다.
독자 여러분께서 모든 위대한 종교의 전통에 담긴 아름다운 환대 이야기들을 잠시 묵상해 보시기를 권합니다. 그 이야기들을 곱씹어 보시고, 신께 그 의미를 깨달아 주시도록 기도하십시오. 그리고 여러분 자신의 환대 범위를 넓혀갈 작은 발걸음을 내딛을 용기를 달라고 기도하십시오. 그 발걸음은 식료품점에서 줄 서 있는 낯선 사람에게 미소 짓는 것처럼 소극적일 수도 있고, 아파트 건물에 사는 모든 낯선 사람들을 초대해 모임을 주최하는 것처럼 의도적일 수도 있으며, 보호자 없는 난민 아동을 자신의 집에서 보살피겠다고 자원하는 것처럼 극적인 것일 수도 있습니다. 큰 비용이 들지 않을 수도 있고, 위험을 감수해야 할 수도 있습니다. 추수감사절 저녁 식사 자리에서 처남에게 서류 미비 이민자들을 옹호하며, 사실 모든 사람은 우리와 한 가족이며, 모든 사람은 자신의 가족을 부양할 수 있는 곳에서 살 권리가 있다고 말하는 모습을 상상해 보십시오.
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We all want to belong, to matter and to be understood. Here's to opening those spaces
I recently felt this deep hospitality in Iran when I performed in their Storytelling festival. I was the 1st American ever invited and it was a most wonderful experience, mostly because of the kindness, caring and generous hospitality extended. I immediately felt welcome and as though our hearts were connected. I am grateful! I always extend kindness whether that is a smile, a hug, a heartfelt compliment, conversation; always welcoming in the people I encounter and remembering we all want to belong, matter & be understood. Hugs from my heart to yours!
Princess,
Remember, at times like that, the difference between fact and opinion. Fact: You are a very desirable person to a huge body of people, and you know that. Yet, like all of us, you're not desirable to a much smaller group. Too bad some of them were someone else's "family" that I gather you would like to be a part of. But it is their opinion that you aren't desirable. Simply get a realistic and accurate self image of yourself and seek out people compatible with that image.
With 6.5 billion people out there you can certainly do without many of them. Your happiness isn't dependent on everyone's opinion of you. When you pray, perhaps you should pray that those who selfishly didn't accept you should learn understanding and kindness. YOU will be just fine without them.
Chip
Awesome article. Very true. I recently had an experience where I wasn't welcomed by someone's family, and it took me back to the first time where I was not accepted via family relations. I did question who I was, and never felt good enough. It hurts, but I don't want to be that way to others. I pray for courage.
I get Stan's point. Especially when my comfort level is breached. Why can’t “they” learn our
language so I can describe the simple task I need done?
However, like osmosis, capillary action, and the rise and fall of tides, people have moved for a variety of reasons since time immemorial. Fleeing marauding bands, war, famine, climate change (dead were the ones who stayed PUT during the last ice age). You, I’m sure, have
experienced love. Consider, please, that “love” is a basic human emotion, and a person’s love of family (and of “self,” therefore self-preservation), combined with changing circumstances, will drive people, EVEN YOU to different places for simple survival, or for love.
Rather than bemoan the fact you have been made uncomfortable by the hoards of illegals, consider that you can’t do a damn thing about it, and nobody can. Governments and laws are weak instruments to stem the tide, whether of the ocean tides, or a mass of humans migrating for survival, or love. Instead of complaining, or trying to change it, accept reality and “deal with it.” “Man up~!” You have no choice.
I do a lot of open ocean sailing. I may complain about the weather, and feel sorry for myself in a storm, but I KNOW I can’t do a damn thing about the surrounding circumstances, but I better open my eyes, measure what is going on around me, and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT to ensure my OWN survival for the situation I’m in. In short, “deal with it.”
And I write this knowing you and I share the same feelings about the hoards of illegals, but I’m calmed by the above realization. So I take a deep breath, and talk with these people. And I have learned that they’re just like you and me. Just in far different circumstances, and I realize that I am VERY THANKFUL THAT I DON’T HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS.
I’m 71 years old, and have learned a few things. Most important, I have helped raise five kids
who are very productive in society. We all complain about circumstances, and move through them every time. We are happy.
Chip
[Hide Full Comment]How many of your "kin" do you invite to Thanksgiving.... the undocumented ones? Even one? If one, then why didn't you invite 10? 100? How would you feel if 100 came uninvited?
Do you really propose that 100 or 200 million people around the would who would like to move here "where they can support their own family" have the human right to do so? Does anyone who wants to come have the "right" to invite themselves to your Thanksgiving celebration? If so, do you invite them? And not just for one meal at Thanksgiving, do you invite anyone who wants to come to live in your home as long as they want?
Imagine yourself inviting everyone who wants to come to attend your family Thanksgiving celebration, and then to stay as long as they like. Imagine that.
Thank You . Beautiful .