当今学校教育体系下的孩子们并没有为未来的世界做好充分准备。
我从企业界、政府部门一路走到瞬息万变的互联网世界，深知昨日的世界正在迅速消逝。我曾在报业接受培训，那时我们都坚信自己会永远存在——而现在，我认为它终将像马车一样被时代淘汰。
不幸的是，我接受的教育体系认为，我们所处的世界将基本保持不变，只会发生一些时尚方面的细微变化。我们接受的技能培训是基于上世纪80年代最热门的职业需求，而不是21世纪初可能出现的情况。
这其实也说得通，毕竟谁也无法预知20年后的生活会是什么样子。想象一下上世纪80年代，个人电脑还很新，传真机是当时最先进的通讯技术，而我们现在所知的互联网还只是像威廉·吉布森这样的科幻作家的梦想。
我们当时完全不知道这个世界会给我们带来什么。
但事实是：我们仍然不知道。我们从来都不知道。我们从来不擅长预测未来，所以，如果按照我们对未来会怎样的了解来养育和教育孩子，这并不是一个明智之举。
那么，我们该如何让孩子们为这个变幻莫测、充满未知的世界做好准备呢？答案是：教他们适应环境，应对变化，做好应对一切的准备，而不是让他们为任何具体的事情做准备。
这需要一种完全不同的育儿和教育方式。这意味着我们要摒弃旧观念，彻底重塑一切。
我和我美得令人窒息的妻子伊娃（没错，我真是个幸运的男人）已经践行了这种教育方式。我们让孩子在家上学——更准确地说，我们采用的是非学校教育。我们教他们自主学习，而不是把知识直接灌输给他们，然后考他们。
诚然，这的确是一片充满未知的领域，我们这些尝试非学校教育的人大多都会承认，我们并非无所不知，也没有什么“最佳实践”。但我们也知道，我们和孩子们一起学习，而未知有时反而是件好事——它提供了一个探索的机会，让我们不必依赖那些可能并非最佳的既定方法。
我不会在这里过多地讨论方法，因为我认为方法远不如想法重要。一旦你有了值得验证的有趣想法，你就能想出无数种方法，因此我规定具体方法反而会限制你的选择。
相反，让我们来看看我认为孩子们应该学习的一系列基本技能，这些技能能让他们更好地适应未来的任何世界。这些技能源于我在三个不同行业的经验，特别是网络创业、网络出版、网络生活等领域……更重要的是，源于我在这个瞬息万变的世界中学习、工作和生活的经验。
1. 提问。作为学习者，我们最希望孩子们能够自主学习，自学任何东西。因为如果他们能做到，我们就无需事事包办——他们将来需要学习的任何东西，都可以自己掌握。自主学习的第一步就是学会提问。幸运的是，孩子们天生就会提问——我们只需要鼓励他们这样做。一个很好的方法就是以身作则。当你和孩子遇到新事物时，要多提问，并和孩子一起探索可能的答案。当孩子提问时，要奖励他，而不是惩罚他（你可能会惊讶于有多少成年人会阻止孩子提问）。
2. 解决问题。如果孩子能够解决问题，她就能胜任任何工作。一份新工作对我们任何人来说都可能令人生畏，但实际上它只是另一个需要解决的问题。一项新技能、一个新的环境、一个新的需求……所有这些都只是需要解决的问题。通过示范简单的解决问题方法来教孩子解决问题，然后让她独立完成一些非常简单的问题。不要立即解决孩子所有的问题——让她自己摸索，尝试各种可能的解决方案，并奖励她的努力。最终，孩子会对自己解决问题的能力充满信心，那时就没有什么她做不到的了。
3. 参与项目。作为一名网络创业者，我知道我的工作是由一系列项目组成的，这些项目有时相互关联，有时规模较小，有时规模较大（通常是由若干个小项目组成）。我也知道没有我做不到的项目，因为我已经做过很多项目了。这篇文章是一个项目。写一本书是一个项目。卖书又是另一个项目。和你的孩子一起做项目，让他通过和你一起工作来了解事情是如何完成的，然后逐渐让他独立完成更多的事情。随着他信心的增强，让他独立完成更多的工作。很快，他的学习就会变成一系列让他充满热情的项目。
4. 寻找热情。驱动我的不是目标、纪律、外在激励或奖励……而是热情。当我兴奋到无法停止思考某件事时，我必然会全身心投入其中，而且大多数时候我都能完成项目并乐在其中。帮助你的孩子找到她热爱的事物——这需要尝试很多事情，找到最能激发她兴趣的，并帮助她真正享受其中。不要打击任何兴趣——要鼓励它们。也不要扼杀它们的乐趣——要让它们充满成就感。
5. 独立性。应该逐步培养孩子的独立性。当然，要循序渐进。慢慢鼓励他们自己做事。教他们怎么做，示范给他们看，帮助他们，然后逐渐减少帮助，让他们自己去犯错。让他们经历许多成功，并让他们自己解决失败，以此来建立他们的自信心。一旦他们学会独立，他们就会明白，他们不需要老师、父母或老板来告诉他们该做什么。他们可以管理自己，获得自由，并自己找到前进的方向。
6. 学会独处。我们很多父母都溺爱孩子，把他们管得死死的，让他们依赖我们的陪伴才能快乐。孩子长大后，往往不知道如何才能快乐。他们必须立刻依附于女朋友或朋友。如果找不到，他们就会从其他外在事物中寻找快乐——购物、美食、电子游戏、网络。但如果孩子从小就学会独自玩耍、阅读和想象，就能获得快乐，那么他就拥有了一项最宝贵的技能。从小就允许孩子独处。给他们一些私人空间，安排一些时间（比如晚上）让父母和孩子单独相处。
7. 同情心。这是最重要的技能之一。我们需要它才能与他人良好相处，才能关心他人，才能通过让他人快乐而获得快乐。以身作则，展现同情心至关重要。无论何时何地，都要对孩子和他人充满同情心。通过询问孩子他们认为别人可能会有什么感受，以及自己思考别人可能会有什么感受，来展现同理心。抓住每一个机会，向孩子示范如何在力所能及的范围内减轻他人的痛苦，如何用小小的善举让别人更快乐，以及这些善举如何反过来让你自己也感到快乐。
8. 包容。我们常常成长在一个相对封闭的环境中，那里的人们大多千篇一律（至少外表如此），因此当我们接触到与自己不同的人时，往往会感到不适、震惊，甚至恐惧。要让你的孩子接触各种各样的人，包括不同种族、不同性取向、不同心理状况的人。让他们明白，与众不同不仅可以接受，而且应该赞美差异，正是多样性让生活如此美好。
9. 应对变化。我相信这将是孩子们成长过程中最重要的技能之一，因为世界瞬息万变，能够接受变化、应对变化、驾驭变化的潮流，将成为一项竞争优势。我自己也仍在学习这项技能，但我发现它对我的帮助非常大，尤其与那些抗拒和恐惧变化的人相比，我能够更好地适应不断变化的环境。在不断变化的环境中，僵化远不如灵活、流畅和顺应变化来得有效。再次强调，抓住每一个机会为孩子树立榜样至关重要，让他们明白变化是正常的，你可以适应，你可以抓住以前从未有过的新机遇，这应该成为你的首要任务。人生是一场冒险，事情总会出错，结果可能出乎意料，计划也可能落空——而这正是人生精彩之处。
我们无法预先设定一套数据让孩子学习，也无法为他们规划一份职业，因为我们无法预知未来。但我们可以让他们学会适应任何环境，学习任何知识，解决任何问题。大约20年后，他们会感谢我们当初的付出。
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BuddingBuddha WOW! Perhaps you are really just beginning to learn the Buddhist ways or any other form of kindness and respect. You can't honestly make a blanket statement for what is "right or wrong" for others. As a "school" teacher what do you actually know about education at home? The idea that home-schooled children are taken out of society is completely inaccurate. My children spend more time per week interacting with others in our society than a kid that sits in the same building 5 days a week. I am not even against public schools in general. We have some wonderfully talented teachers in this country. However, as a society we have shown teachers that they are not valued. Our teachers get paid to little and then give them to many kids in a class. (I will leave it at that.) Frankly, we have shown America's children that they are not valued either. I have gone into our local school and checked out the curriculum my children would be using. Everyday Math and Creative Spelling? Please! How can we be judged by people who don't know anything about us or what we are teaching? How? Fear. That is how.
[Hide Full Comment]Buddingbuddha....and I'm a Buddhist, by the way, but why do people assume homeschooling is removing children from social situations, and team building opportunities? And to be honest, every time I tried being social in school, I was told to "Be Quiet!" Teams? Please, team work meant the nerd (me) did all the work of the project, while the other students did nothing. But I'm sorry, this is a positive site, we shouldn't be negative. Schooling is ok for some, and homeschooling is ok for others. I am homeschooling my boys, though I received my bachelors with the intent to teach high school. Today we met at a homeschool friend's house for board games, tomorrow our fellow homeschool group meets at the community center for art class and field trip planning. Parents are NOT the only adult role models for my children, and what complexities are there to being housed year after year with children ONLY the same age as yourself?! Too many people have opinions about things, thinking that their opinions are fact, without having any true knowledge or experience of a subject. If you think homeschoolers are isolated and not socialized, quit leaving comments and please do a search on: 'your city-homeschool events/groups.' Thank you. And please, broaden your horizons. The idea that there is ever only "ONE" right way to do something is so limiting and biased. New ideas are essential for growth.
[Hide Full Comment].
Home schooling kids is wrong. I'm a school teacher and I couldn't agree more with these essential skills you describe and I try and deliver these in the classroom. Yes the education system isn't perfect but in my opinion taking a child out of 'society' and homeschooling them is not the answer. How will homeschool children develop social skills and team work? Understanding how to work with others (in all their complexities) is essential in today's society. Having access to a variety of adult role modals with different expertise is crucial. I would never of developed my passion for Music, Philosophy, Astronomy, Art, History, Buddhism (to name a few) from my parents alone. Parents have a hugh impact on a child's education but not exclusively, 'good' schooling is essential too.
When I was a kid parents were the primary educators of these 9 traits.
In a two-full-time-working-parent family there is not enough time to develop and follow a curriculum. I wish you would write an article or a book outlining some of the methods you've found most effective.
Children should be taught to collaborate. Independence is overrated these days. Great things are achieved by teams, not individuals. While we should be happy with ourselves and have our own lives, developing a sense of community is just as important. It's something sadly lacking in society right now. We're too transfixed with the global community.
This article is must read for everyone. Not only as a young parent. I am 60 years and a parent of two grown up adults. I will share this article with them and others. Also I can myself see what I have missed and imbibe them to capture the fullness of living life itself. Thanks for sharing
I must say that this is a great post. Really I am impressed
from this post....the person who creates this post it was a great human. I put
a link to your blog at my site, hope you don't mind?
I wish I wrote this. Brilliant!
Very good article. If my father was alive he would be happy some writer is making sense. I appreciate reading articles like this one. Good reading. Good writing. This is good stuff for everyone who has children
This is a good list. I think we need to be careful, however, in advising "Allow your kids to be alone from an early age." If done too early, it can have the opposite effect and cause children either to be overly clingy or desensitized to their own senses.
We don't believe in tolerance, it implies putting up with something... we believe in acceptance of differences, and differing views. I also agree with amy, every moment in your life is a learning moment. When my son was totally homeschooled he'd go to a restaurant with me and figure out the tip, calculate mileage while I was driving, read maps, and read every label. Life is learning!
The only item on the list I question is independence - "they learn that they don’t need a teacher, a parent, or a boss to tell
them what to do. They can manage themselves, and be free, and figure out
the direction they need to take on their own."
Giving them the confidence to stand up on their own is good. Thinking they don't need a teacher, a parent, a boss or anyone else, isn't necessarily good. We need teachers and role models. The reality is that most of us will have bosses telling us what to do.
Managing themselves and figuring out their own direction is good. Thinking they're free to do what they want, whenever they want, without realizing or considering that this may create consequences for others isn't.
Sometimes I think our culture stresses independence as a value too much. We are interdependent.
Hey I'm only 20 but great article! Thank you for sharing your valuable observations!
T things like tolerance and compassion are not skills. They are virtues. The distinction is important: Virtues are not taught. They are cultivated. That has big implications for the structure of schooling, the selection of teachers, the building of school communities and most of all our sense of the purpose of education.
There is evidence to suggest that face-to-face contact with peers is perhaps more important; that social/emotional development is the prime indicator of not only success, but happiness. Give this a listen: http://itc.conversationsnet...
Thanks for a great article. We are home schooling our two children. We live in Ahmedabad, Gujarat, India. We have been doing this for the last three years. They are 7 years old. And I think they are doing really good as far as studies is concerned.
They are really good at relating to children from lesser education or lower income strata. They mingle with them readily and there is no barrier in their mind.
My boy is more active. After his scheduled homework is over, he is now finding it difficult to find out how to fill his time. I am also concerned about the same. My wife, who is dedicated to this cause, she is a home maker and children maker, says he will slowly understand what he wants in life. But since I have not lived life like that, I become nervous.
Kindly share your experiences.
I'm giving my kids a Montessori education, which seems like a pretty good way to give them most of those things suggested above, without the commitment of becoming their teacher - that's something I'm not so passionate about :) And they're thriving, loving school and becoming amazing human beings along the way.
I have to say this sort of method actually works to a degree with some of the older generation. My parents have had mediocre phones for years. I have finally gotten them both into smartphones. I walked both of them through the initial process of discovering that they are very user friendly devices. I have for the most part gotten them to the point where they teach themselves what they want to know. They still have a question here or there but before I finish answering they have already comprehended the process. If they want to do a review, and they say "I press this", I respond with a shrug and say I don't know.
With all this being said, This is the way they raised me. Outcome: I am a very adaptable human being, and I am returning the favor to them.
Oops. That last line should read:
"Thanks for affirming what we do; please support us."
I think it is also important to remember that not all children have parents with the time or the ability to educate their children this way.
There are a lot of teachers like myself (18 years at a public high school) who are educating their students with these values at the core of our teaching. We need the help of parents and the public in general to continue to do this and to expand our efforts so that all students have access to this kind of schooling.
Thanks for affirming we do; please support us.
I sent this to my son to be an example to my grand-daughters. I raised my kids this way (at least I tried to). I have always been proud of them for being "adaptable". Thank you for this post!
The changing landscape
Good advice. Very helpful. Thanks for sharing!
I'm married to a man who was educated in just such a way. He was the exception of course in our generation (we are both near 60), but his ability to teach himself, solve problems, adapt to change while being passionate about his work and having compassion for others has served as a great example to our children. (Sadly, my own public school and at-home education was below sub-par, and even that is an understatement.) I'm so grateful for this article as it really voices what I have observed, and I know it will help so many parents who are searching for the best education for their own kids. THANK YOU.
This is great. As an adult, I find it helpful for myself as well. This is not only for children, but perspective for us at all ages. Thank you for sharing!