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Soul Surfing

Wakati wa kuandika filamu ya Soul Surfer (hadithi ya kweli kuhusu kijana mcheza mawimbi, Bethany Hamilton, ambaye mkono wake uling'atwa wakati wa shambulio la papa), niligundua kwamba Bethany alirudi ndani ya maji kujaribu kuteleza tena chini ya mwezi mmoja baada ya shambulio hilo baya. Nilipomuuliza jinsi ambavyo angeweza kupata ujasiri wa kurudi ndani ya maji, hasa hivyo punde tu baada ya tukio hilo la kutisha, aliniambia kwa urahisi kabisa kwamba alijua kama angengoja hata siku nyingine zaidi, huenda asingerudi tena. Aliniambia jinsi baadhi ya wakimbiaji wanaweza "kujiondoa akilini" baada ya ajali mbaya wakifikiria kuhusu "vipi ikiwa" na kucheza tena hofu ya wakati huo hadi washindwe na woga. Na hawatelezi tena.

Ni mara ngapi tunakabiliwa na jambo kama hilo katika maisha yetu - mawimbi yanatupigia simu, lakini tunasimama tukiwa tumeganda kwenye ufuo, tukitaka kuhakikishiwa usalama kamili kabla hatujarudi ndani. Na kwa sababu usalama hauhakikishiwa kamwe, mara nyingi huwa hatupiti tukitumbukiza kidole ndani kabla hatujageuka, tunaogopa sana kujaribu tena. Wazo letu linaposhushwa kazini, tunaamua ni rahisi kuweka mawazo yetu kwetu wenyewe; ikiwa sinema tunayopenda itabadilishwa kwa mara nyingine tena, tunakasirika na kuanza kushughulikia hali ya chini kabisa ya kawaida ili tusihisi kuumwa kwa kushindwa kwa kitu tunachojali sana; na kisha daima kuna hisia ya kukata tamaa baada ya uhusiano kuvunjika ambayo inatuzuia kutoka kutaka kujiweka "huko nje" tena, tusije tukakataliwa. Hofu inatishia kutuweka kwenye kando ya maisha yetu.

Kitendawili kikubwa ni kwamba kuathirika kunahitaji ujasiri. . . lazima uwe na nguvu ili kujiruhusu kuwa laini.

Kwa njia fulani, haikuwa mwili wa Bethany pekee uliolemazwa katika ajali hiyo - moyo wake ulivunjika wakati papa huyo alipomshika mkono, na kwa kufanya hivyo akatishia kuchukua kitu alichopenda zaidi ulimwenguni - kuteleza. Angeweza kuuzungushia ukuta moyo wake, akaufunga kwa kitambaa cha mapovu ili kuhakikisha hatawahi kuhatarisha kustahimili hasara kama hiyo tena - lakini badala yake aliamua kuliacha jeraha wazi na kuruhusu maji ya chumvi kuponya, akirudisha mawimbi aliyoyapenda na kukataa kuruhusu woga kushinda. Leo yeye ni mmoja wa wasafiri wakubwa zaidi ulimwenguni. Bingwa mara nyingi, na msukumo kwa mamilioni.

Hatari si rahisi, lakini nadhani ni vigumu zaidi kwa muda mrefu kuruhusu hasara ikutege katika kuishi maisha matupu, yasiyo na furaha ya ushindi, na utukufu wa upendo.

Bethany aliniambia kwamba woga wa kutoweza kuruka tena baharini ulikuwa mkubwa zaidi kuliko woga wa papa mwingine, na hivyo jambo pekee lililokuwa na maana ni kurudi ndani ya maji. Na ukweli ni kwamba kwangu, hofu ya kutoishi, kutojua kamwe upendo, ni mbaya zaidi kuliko hofu ya kuumia mara kwa mara. Ndio sababu mimi huandika hati mpya mara moja baada ya kutoka na lami ambayo haiuzi. Sababu ya mimi kubarikiwa kuwa katika ndoa ya ajabu baada ya talaka yenye uchungu. Ndiyo sababu nitafungua mikono yangu na moyo wangu kwa puppy mpya hata baada ya huzuni ya kumpoteza mbwa wangu mzee Alfie.

Sitaki kutazama maisha yangu kutoka ufukweni, nikitokwa na machozi katika joto la upweke, kulemewa na moyo uliozungukwa na mawe. Hakika, wakati mwingine wimbi la tamaa linakuponda, na wakati mwingine unapoteza vipande vyake kwa meno makali ya kupoteza - lakini mara nyingi zaidi katika bahari hii kubwa tunayoita uhai, unachukuliwa kwenye kilele cha kitu kizuri, wimbi la upendo kamili. Lakini huwezi kupanda wimbi ikiwa hautawahi kuondoka ufukweni. Kwa hiyo endelea, piga mbizi ndani - panda miguu yako imara kwenye ubao, uhisi upepo kwenye nywele zako, ladha ya chumvi na ushindi kwenye midomo yako. . . na tujue kwamba roho zetu zimekusudiwa kuteleza.

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Kristin Pedemonti Jul 20, 2013
So true! I've had 4 bouts of depression, but I Jump back in, leaping into the Unknown and I am Grateful. We ALL need to Dive back in and not allow Fear to leave us on the Shore. It does take great courage to be vulnerable; indeed be Strong to be Soft. Agreed, "Risk is not easy, but I think it is much harder in the long run to let loss trap you into living a bland existence, devoid of the joy of triumph, and the glory of love." Here's to taking Risks! I'm living it every day. After selling my home & possessions to create and facilitate a volunteer literacy project on my own. I just returned from 30 days volunteering in Kenya where I collected True Stories from Widowed Women who Refused to Follow Tradition and are Thriving with a Farming Cooperative. And the True stories of Teen artists in Kibera slum sharing their talents. Their stories will eventually become a book in a partnership. a Risk in reaching out, in being Vulnerable. Feeling Blessed. Thank you so much for the encourageme... [View Full Comment]
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zwater Jul 20, 2013

"Sometimes you lose pieces of yourself to the sharp teeth of loss", that line spoke to me about my life. I've been standing fearfully on "the shore" of my life ever. Just yesterday I was praying for insight as to why I feel so sad and numb. This writing was the answer to that prayer. It's true that it's much more painful not go jump back in, I can attest to that. Dear author, thanks for writing the very words I needed to read this morning. And thanks to Bethany, for modeling this way of living for me.