大家都知道，我们的学校系统总体上没有给我们的孩子提供在即将到来的高科技劳动力市场中具有竞争力的基本阅读、写作、算术和科学技能（至少这是普遍的看法，我们在这里就不争论了）。
但生活远不止这些基础学科，除非你遇到一位愿意打破常规的优秀老师，否则你的孩子就学不到生活中真正需要学习的关键知识。
不妨回想一下你自己的经历。高中毕业时，你是否掌握了生存所需的一切技能，更遑论取得成功？如果你足够幸运，或许会识字，具备一些基础的历史和数学知识；如果你更加幸运，或许还养成了良好的学习习惯，这将对你在大学里大有裨益。
但你为人生做好准备了吗？很可能没有，除非你的父母在这方面给了你很大的帮助。事实上，我们很多人在成年初期都搞砸了，就是因为我们缺乏这些技能——而我们现在正在为此付出代价。
可以说，这是人生的一部分，要学会吸取这些教训。但我们也可以在孩子独立生活之前做一些准备，如果学校不能教授这些技能，那就让我们自己来教。
以下是一个孩子在成年之前应该掌握的基本生活技能。当然，你还可以添加其他技能，但这至少是一个起点。
关于如何教授这些内容的几点说明：这些科目不应该通过讲课或教科书来教授。它们只能通过举例、对话、演示以及让孩子（或青少年）独立完成（起初需要监督）来教授。一旦你和孩子讨论过这项技能，向他演示过如何去做，并在监督下让他练习了几次之后，就要信任他，让他独立完成，并从自己的错误中学习。时不时地回顾一下，和他谈谈他学到了什么。
金融的
储蓄。量入为出。这句简单的格言，却很少有年轻人理解或懂得如何做到。从小就教导孩子把一部分收入或收入存入银行。教他如何设定储蓄目标，并为之努力攒钱，然后购买他攒钱想要的东西。
**预算编制。** 很多成年人都害怕做预算，也因此饱受困扰，因为我们缺乏必要的知识和技能来轻松完成预算。教他们简单的预算技巧和相关知识，他们长大后就不会遇到预算问题。你可以等到孩子十几岁的时候再教他们——但这其实是件好事，因为这能让他们明白为什么基础数学如此重要。
**支付账单。给他们账单，让他们按时支付，无论是在线支付还是线下支付。学习如何填写支票（纸质和电子支票），以及如何确保你不再拖欠账单——立即支付或设置自动支付。
**投资。什么是投资？为什么需要投资？如何进行投资？有哪些不同的投资方式？如何研究一项投资？投资如何随时间复利增长？这是一个值得和青少年探讨的话题。
节俭。这是应该从小培养的品质。要学会货比三家，找到物美价廉的商品；要比较不同价格和质量的产品；要物尽其用，避免浪费；要学会自己做饭，少在外面吃；要学会控制冲动消费。如果我们自己出去疯狂购物，包括圣诞节前夕，我们教给他们的恰恰是相反的道理。
**信用。这对许多成年人来说都是一个大问题。要教导他们如何负责任地使用信用，如何在不必要的情况下避免使用信用，如何避免背负过多债务，以及如何负责任地使用信用卡。
**退休。是努力工作后退休更好，还是在人生中多次享受“迷你退休”更好？这是一个个人问题，但您的孩子应该了解各种选择及其优缺点，以及如何实施。为什么年轻时就开始为退休投资很重要，以及复利能带来多大的收益。如何实现自动投资。
慈善。为什么这是你花钱的重要用途，以及如何养成定期捐赠的习惯。这不仅是一个财务问题，更是一个社会问题。还要教他们如何贡献时间和精力去做志愿者工作。
思维
批判性思维。这是学校里最不重视的技能之一。如今，我们被教导要像机器人一样，听老师的话，不要质疑；接受别人告诉我们的，不要思考；做个好员工，闭嘴。如果你是雇主，你或许希望你的员工是这样；如果你是政治家，你或许希望你的公民是这样。但你希望你的孩子也这样吗？一个不加质疑、天真无知的公民/员工/学生？如果是，那就继续吧。如果不是，那就从培养孩子质疑“为什么”的习惯开始。培养他们寻找答案的能力。以及如何质疑权威——没有唯一的正确答案。对话是培养这种能力的好方法。
阅读。当然，我们从小就被教导要阅读。但学校往往把阅读搞得枯燥乏味。带你的孩子去探索那些奇妙的想象世界吧。教他们如何通过互联网了解世界，以及如何评估所读内容的可靠性、逻辑性和事实性。
成功
积极思考。批判性思维固然重要，但保持积极的生活态度也同样重要。诚然，事情可能一团糟，但总有办法让情况好转。与其抱怨，不如寻找解决办法。最重要的是，学会相信自己，并屏蔽掉消极的自我想法。
**动力。要明白，自律并非实现目标的关键，动力才是。如何激励自己，有哪些不同的策略，以及实现目标后那种成就感有多棒。从小的、容易实现的目标开始，让他们逐步培养这种能力。
**拖延症。这是我们成年人（甚至孩子）都会遇到的问题。当然，我认为人应该有放松、偷懒和玩乐的时候。但是，当有真正需要做的事情时，我们该如何让自己去做呢？了解拖延症背后的原因，以及如何应对它们。如何战胜拖延症。
**热情。成功的关键之一在于找到自己热爱的事业，并以此为生。你的孩子年纪尚小，可能并不知道答案，但你应该引导她找到自己的热情所在，并让她明白这为何如此重要。
社会的
**反竞争。我们从小就被教导要竞争。在成人的世界里，我们也常常如此行事。这会导致背后捅刀、暗中破坏、怨恨等种种负面情绪。相反，你应该教导孩子，成功的机会可以容纳很多人，帮助他人成功会让你自己更容易成功，而他人也会反过来帮助你。要让孩子明白，结交朋友和盟友比树敌更好，并教会他们如何做到这一点。在竞争之前，先学习合作和团队精神。
**同情心。学校里根本不教。事实上，我们的学校非但没有教孩子们如何体谅他人、减轻他人的痛苦，反而常常教他们如何加剧他人的痛苦。要学会设身处地为他人着想，努力理解他们，并帮助他们结束痛苦。
爱。爱是同情心的孪生兄弟，二者的区别仅在于，爱不是想要减轻他人的痛苦，而是想要他们的幸福。两者都至关重要。
**倾听。我们的孩子在学校里学过如何倾听吗？还是学过如何滔滔不绝地说话？或许这就是为什么很多成年人缺乏这项关键技能的原因。学习如何真正倾听他人，理解他们所说的话，并感同身受。
**对话。对话与倾听密不可分，但对话的艺术却不在学校教授。事实上，孩子们从小就被灌输对话在大多数情况下是不好的观念。但大多数情况下，我们需要的是对话，而不是说教。这是一项极其重要的社交技能，应该从家庭开始培养。学会与孩子对话，而不是单方面地对他们说教。
实际的
汽车知识。为什么需要汽车（不是为了耍酷），如何购买一辆实用的汽车，如何保养汽车。发动机的工作原理，哪些部件可能会出现故障，以及如何修理。应该教给男孩和女孩（这应该是显而易见的，但我还是要说）。
**家居生活。如何修理和维护房屋。水管、电路、暖气和空调、油漆、屋顶、草坪等等，应有尽有。掌握进行基本维护和维修所需的工具和技能。以及如何判断何时应该寻求专业人士的帮助。
**清洁。很多成年人从小就不知道如何洗衣服、如何正确打扫房屋、如何保持房屋干净整洁、如何制定每周和每月的清洁计划。与其只是告诉孩子该怎么做，不如教她这些。
**组织能力。如何整理文件，如何让物品各归其位，如何制定待办事项清单，如何建立日常作息，如何专注于重要任务。
幸福
活在当下。不知为何，这项极其重要的技能在我们小时候从未被教导过。事实上，我们越小，这项技能就越自然。随着年龄的增长，我们开始思考未来和过去，当下似乎就从我们身边悄然流逝。掌握一些活在当下的技巧将大有裨益。
享受生活。孩子们在这方面通常没什么问题，但即使是成年人，如果能意识到生活的重要性以及如何享受生活，也会很有帮助。以身作则，孩子们自然会效仿。
**找到人生目标。无论是更高的宗教目标，还是让家人幸福的目标，亦或是找到人生使命的目标，拥有人生目标都至关重要。教导你的孩子这一点的重要性，并以身作则，示范如何找到它。
**建立亲密关系。** 教导孩子建立亲密关系的最佳方法是与孩子建立亲密关系，并以身作则，与配偶或其他重要伴侣（在适当的情况下）建立亲密关系。教他们如何建立这类关系，谈论亲密关系的重要性，以及如何克服关系中的困难。每段关系都会经历低谷，但只要掌握正确的沟通、同理心和妥协技巧，就能渡过难关。
COMMUNITY REFLECTIONS
SHARE YOUR REFLECTION
29 PAST RESPONSES
This is a great site . I am so tired of bad news that I disconnect my cable. I usually say there must be some good news some where.
We have a site and would like to invite you to visit us www.sabreeeducationservices...
Love this!!! We started a weekly tradition in our home 14 years ago to teach many of these skills to our four kids. At the time they were aged 4-13. They are now aged 17-26. We think it was the single best teaching/discipline thing we did with them. Learn more about it at TheTeamClean.com or email me carol@TheTeamClean.com
We learn in school as well as outside and at home . It is life which is teaching us . It may not be explicitly given as a subject but how our teachers behave , how we behave , how the environment is , everything counts . Many of the above things come via our interaction with the environment .
My husband and I have often talked about the lack of personal financial information being taught - seems like those could be pulled together into a curriculum for a high-school math class. Toss in 'organization' from the practical category too.
This is not about schools. This is not about schoolteachers per se. This is about life and learning and all people in a person's life and a person's relationship to the all. It helps to understand this.
I have taught kids deeper wisdoms and life skills through song lyrics for years and recieved the most amazing responses. "Your songs are saving my life!" "Your Nonconformist song defined me. Bullies don't stand a chance!" and "OMG, I sing your song Whatever whenever my friends get all weird and it so helps. Thank you thank you!"
The teacher I have now partnered up with to create lesson plans around this material told me at the start of our project; "Most teachers really do want to cover life skills but there is just so little time in a day!" So we've made our material easy to throw in as a "brain break."
Teachers teach because they love kids--we need to SO honor them. We're at TeachersPayTeacers now (a site full of teachers) and I'm amazed daily by all the heart and caring pouring out of these wonderful human beings. It's really touching.
I am sensing the author of this piece is not complaining, he's trying to fill in the gaps. Here's hoping more and more teachers are offered materials they can include easily in their classrooms to cover life's other important topics. Because there are only so many hours in a day!
[Hide Full Comment]"Critical Thinking" - I'm very glad this was put on this list, and feel pretty strongly that it should be taught in school. But it can't, what politician wants a society questioning their authority?
I love the tip about critical thinking, but as an employer of a staff of 16, I don't like the insinuation that employers want employees who just accept what they are told. We want critical thinkers, and I think other good employers do, too! Teach your kids to think critically (plus the other stuff on this list), and then send them my way when they enter the workforce! :-)
I love this list and agree with its sentiment whole-heartedly. As a food educator I would love to see where the skill of preparing healthy meals for oneself and their family fits in! Being able to nourish our bodies with healthy food is at the root of achieving these other knowledge areas. Thank you for this important conversation!
My girlfriend and I are both involved in education. I have been saying this since day 1! Especially on the finance side. Money is unfortunately how we survive - yet some students learn nothing about it before being sent out into the real world? I think the entire education system needs to be morphed into something that teaches children how to LIVE - not memorize unrelated facts!
I love the lesson on being present - future oriented thinking destroyed a good junk of my life, living for today is essential.
Best,
TJ
How-toBeHappy.com
I believe Financial is the largest category above because we don't have training on the core of society’s monetary system and specifically the fractional reserve system that is the reason that we need to "teach" things like Motivation, Passion, Listening, Find Purpose. Fractional reserve requires an ever expanding economy, greater consumption and perpetuates the belief that individualism is the highest value in society which is, obviously, an oxymoron.
Congressman Kucinich’s Historic Monetary Reform Bill HR 2990
September 21, 2011: Congressman Dennis Kucinich introduced an
employment bill reforming our money system: The NEED Act proposes a
historic money reform, containing all the monetary provisions of the
American Monetary Act including ending “fractional reserve” banking.
As a teacher, I am insulted by almost everything you have said. First you state that kids are not learning the "school subjects", then follow with all the other areas that are not being taught. Maybe you need to sit in a few classrooms a few days for a reality check! Very disappointed in the slant of this article!!
As a teacher I was also offended by the introduction of this article, which seemed to insinuate that schools are failing to teach our kids 'the basics' and that very few teachers make the effort to teach about life. Teachers have an incredibly important role in our children's lives, but that role has been stretched and blurred to include all manner of things that were once the domain of parents. Most are happy to -even strive to- incorporate 'life' lessons into an already busy curriculum, and do it well. For learning experiences to be truly meaningful and lasting, however, they really should be supported both at home and at school. In my experience, they often are.
Many of the 'skills' listed here are indeed valuable, but could have been framed in a much more positive way.
Children only permanently retain 1% of what they "learn" in school. School is a prison sentence with marginal benefits. See John Taylor Gatto's books.
Many of the things described as skill are not skill at all. They are Human Values which are to be understood from roots of Human Co-existance and evolving Human Consciousness. The title is misleading. Skill, as age advances, can not function with the same vigour and hence temporary, whereas Human values does not depend upon the age and are more permenant. The article is mixed of Human Values and the skill , not only on skill. Any way it is a good article and worth reading.
I taught for 20 years and each year my goal was to develop a classroom community in which children experienced these values of compassion, cooperation and self-motivation. My fellow teachers and I also tried to teach the joy of reading as much as how to read and to question things. Most educational leaders today also stress the value of questioning and critical thinking. Itherefore, am suprised at the blanket statements made in this article about the state of education today. I am also surprised that anyone who states a different opinion should be characterized as defensive.
I agree with Socially Conscious Teacher. I resent the blanket statements. I have worked in schools for 20 years and we always strive to teach listening, compassion, critical thinking and try to instill a love for different kinds of reading materials.
Adults rarely have to introduce the concept of asking why. Instead we need to stop quenching it!
It's interesting that teachers are getting defensive. The title is 27 Non-School Skills Children Need. I assumed this was geared toward parents.
I generally agree. Having spent most of my adult life as a school teacher (high school English), I will say that many teachers TRY to at least SOMEWHAT model and discuss all these kinds of things. I think that a lot of folks give us too much credit, though, really. I mean, I have your kid for 50 minutes 5 days a week (well, actually 50 minutes 4 days, 40 minutes 1 day)... he's doing something ELSE the rest of the time. And his peers, parents, friends, and other people have WAY more influence on his life than me. Besides, it's not my job to RAISE your child; it's my job to teach him a little about the language.
To fill in a lot of the gaps that are increasingly lacking in a person's upbringing, I can only suggest that we shorten all this to "develop a really strong reading habit." It is AMAZING how much we can learn with enough reading and enough imagination. Reading, remember, is unlike television and movies and that sort of thing, in that reading is an ACTIVE event, whereas those other things are PASSIVE. That is, what happens on screen is just that. You see it and hear it, and you RECEIVE it, just as it is. Meanwhile, what's in a book calls upon your own past experiences and prompts you to CREATE and VISUALIZE while exposing you to all sorts of things you might not otherwise have a chance to experience.
That, and: "parents, get off your asses!"
[Hide Full Comment]i'd just like to say here that growing up, my parents were great role models for me and that i have borrowed traits from both of them.. :-)
The author should read the book The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman. Most of this article is well-advised, and the premise is golden. But putting pressure on young people to always have a positive attitude, set goals, etc. does not necessarily lead to happiness, as this book so clearly points out. Perhaps it's more important to notice each moment, live it to the best of our abilities and know that things will not always work out as we want them to.
The part under Cleaning should not be stereotyped to assume that only girls are taught how to clean. Boys and girls should be taught these responsibilities equally.
Loved the article :) ...Thanks for sharing it!!!!!!
My school's teachers DO teach and model a lot of the above virtues. We incorporate many ethical and moral building skills and behaviors into daily lessons. Teachers here WANT to cultivate a civic- minded and intelligent American culture. We encourage the rest of our small community to partake in nurturing our kids..hopefully generous giving will reap well-rounded citizens!
I agree...good teachers will also teach these things. Schools whose mission is preparing children for life, like the Waldorf schools, can be a great support for parents with this intention. thanks.
I agree with everything said here BUT ONE! I am an elementary school teacher and I see these things being taught by many qualified and socially conscious teachers including myself. Please don't make blanket statements about schools. You create ignorance, biase and put those that are trying to teach better on the defense. Great information excluding your comments about schools.
I agree with each of these EXCEPT "Anti-competition". It is an assumption here that "competition" is a "bad" thing... Absolutely NOT SO. Yes, the world can be a place of back-stabbing, etc. but that is not a RESULT of "competition", but instead the mind-set instilled in those who are not taught competition and good sportsmanship. This is a COMPETITIVE world. If you do not teach a child to be competitive and strive for his/her best, you may be in jeapardy of developing a mediocre child who does not strive to be THE BEST; even in "comparison" to those around him/her.
Great article! I really hope that people will take note of that. I noticed that many parents are too busy or lazy to spend time and teach their kids these important things. I learned all of that in my childhood and teenage years and I think, that is why I am so successful in my early adulthood life (while many of my friends are complaining about their debt and can't get their lives together..)