过去五年里，我从未在一个地方居住超过六个月。我在里斯本待了28天，在巴厘岛待了三个月，还在拉斯维加斯市中心莫名其妙地待了半年。只带着两个行李箱，我就有幸在泰国潜水，探索庞贝古城遗址，还和一位韩国电影明星一起唱卡拉OK。
据新书《这就是你归属的地方》的作者梅洛迪·沃尼克 (Melody Warnick) 所说，这让我成了个不折不扣的搬家狂。而且我并不孤单：如今，美国人一生平均搬家近 12 次，每年有 12% 的美国人搬家。
但沃尼克指出，频繁搬家也有其弊端。研究表明，喜欢自己家乡和邻居的人焦虑程度更低，幸福感更高。他们患疾病、心脏病或中风的几率更低，甚至寿命也更长。一项调查还发现，居民对自己的城镇越满意，城镇的经济就越繁荣。
沃尼克曾是一名搬家工人，但最终选择在弗吉尼亚州的布莱克斯堡定居。她的书记录了她“建立归属感”的历程，这是一系列以研究为基础的实验和实践，旨在让她爱上自己居住的地方。从食用当地食材到组织集体艺术项目，这些实践大多都与社区、归属感和社会联系有关。正是这些让我们真正爱上自己居住的地方，这也意味着我们可以学会爱上几乎任何地方（或者至少更喜欢它一些）。
沃尼克写道：“人际关系比什么都重要，它能让你对自己的家乡感到归属感。我之前做的很多‘爱上你居住的地方’实验之所以成功，是因为它们让我喜欢上了布莱克斯堡的人们。”
例如，沃尼克下定决心购买和食用本地产品，结果她加入了一个社区支持农业组织，开始光顾以前从未去过的商店，还去了农贸市场。事实证明， 与超市相比，人们结伴去农贸市场的可能性是超市的三倍，而且到了那里之后，与摊主交谈的次数也多了十倍。沃尼克写道，此外，当地的夫妻店以更友好的客户服务而闻名；她在布莱克斯堡一家滑板店参加“现金快闪”活动时买了一件T恤，店主热情地向她道谢，这让她颇感意外。
“那一刻我才意识到，这家店是由一个活生生的人经营的，”她写道。“我明白了……我的购买行为会如何影响我的当地社区。”
邻里关系或许正在衰落——如今， 28%的美国人甚至不知道邻居的名字——但这并不意味着它对我们维系居住环境的重要性有所降低。沃尼克写道，那些在附近拥有最紧密社交联系的人（半小时车程内有六位亲戚）是最满意、最不容易感到不安的群体。一项丹麦研究发现，如果一家公司想说服潜在员工搬到新城市，而他们住在自己姐妹的隔壁，那么该公司就必须额外支付12500美元。良好的邻里关系可以成为我们留下的动力，即使我们所在的城镇没有最好的餐厅或最便宜的房租。
与搬迁者相反，那些留在原地的人更有可能参与志愿活动，而志愿活动本身就是一种社交行为。沃尼克解释说，志愿活动可以让居民感受到自己是当地“我们”的一份子。加入捐赠圈，让一群人汇集资金并共同选择慈善机构，是新居民和租房者快速融入社区的途径。
即使是创意项目——沃尼克推荐的另一种增强对居住地依恋感的方法——也能建立人际关系。我们并非坐在公寓里画美丽的城市天际线就能爱上自己居住的地方；而是通过为青少年开设艺术课程，或者（像沃尼克那样）组织一场街头粉笔画活动来实现的。一个地方的精髓在于它的人；即使是享受美食餐厅和广阔的公园，也能让我们与他人建立联系。
沃尼克的书让我明白了，我这种居无定所的生活究竟错过了什么。虽然我非常幸运能有机会去这么多地方旅行，但不断搬家也让我很难找到归属感。当你在一个地方一住就是几个月的时候，建立友谊所花费的精力几乎不值得——尤其像我这样的内向者，宁愿跳过了解彼此的阶段，直接进入亲密关系和深入交流的舒适区。五年过去了，我感到有些孤独。
这在一定程度上解释了我为什么像沃尼克一样选择安定下来。我仍然可以旅行，而且也一定会去，但我现在意识到拥有一个固定的住所和社群是多么重要。受她书的启发，我开始勇敢地尝试在电梯里和人聊天，而不是默默地站在那里；我惊喜地发现一家完美的独立咖啡馆，它就在我家公寓附近；我还希望能说服我的伴侣去看一场蓝鸟队的比赛——这是多伦多最具代表性的集体体验之一——尽管我们对棒球并不感兴趣。我现在明白，如果我想让多伦多成为我的家，我就必须以探索、欣赏和开放的精神去创造它。
有些人可能会觉得我放弃环球旅行是疯了，但对我来说，选择很明确：我想要归属感。
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I'd say you can learn to *like* a place by working at it, but you get only one home, and it probably has to feature the subliminal pheromones of your own kind of DNA in the air, maybe even under the ground. (I hadn't thought about "under the ground" until I read it in "100 Years of Solitude," but it may well be true.) Lots of other places resemble my home, but even if they're on the other side of the same small town (you can walk all across my town in an hour), they're not *my* home. (It's the place I'm talking about, a completely separate thing from love of a person.)
I grew up in the same small town until I went to college, 16 years in the same house. I lived several places (three US states) during the years I raised my children. I gave up my house to become a full-time traveler and since 2008, I've been a nomad. The longest I've been stationary in any place was 9 consecutive months. However, I go back to the same places over and over, while also adding new places. I experience community and connection in many places, not just one. I understand some people do like to eventually find their place. Sometimes, the travel is about doing just that: finding one place to call home. I hope to continue my global circumnavigations for a long time to come.
Yes AND yes. We do (or can) learn to love the place where we live by sitting in our apartment and painting the beautiful skyline AND we do it (or can do it) by helping to set up art classes for teens and participating in community art making events.
I greatly appreciated this article. I've moved 15 times (I'm 30) - and while it has mostly been within Canada, it still takes the same toll. Just when I would start to put down some roots, I'd feel like the roots were being torn out. Friendships lost, sense of community lost....it definitely has been hard on me. I don't feel grounded, and I have a ton of 'friends' from all over, but very few people I can truly count on. Thanks for the unique perspective as well as the facts. We live in a modern era where being an 'independent woman' is all the rage, and exotic trips and adventures are almost seen as a sign of success or strength whereas a simple, more domestic life is seen as boring. I crave the connection you speak of. Its nice to feel understood, and to allow myself to sink into whatever life feels full & whole - even if that life isn't so glamorous.