Perhaps the statement that best exemplifies positive thinking is "When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade." It seems so self-evident that this is a good thing that we never question the wisdom of the adage. But it does not take a whole lot of digging to unearth the flaws in this reasoning.
First, did fate really hand you a lemon or was this merely your initial, unthinking response? Second, is a lemon really a bad thing, something that you would rather not have, but now that you do have it you will somehow salvage something by making lemonade? Finally, it is quite stressful to be handed a lemon until such time as you figure out how to make lemonade. Do you really have to go through this phase?
No matter what happens to us in life we tend to think of it as "good" or "bad". And most of us tend to use the "bad" label three to ten times as often as the "good" label. And when we say something is bad, the odds grow overwhelming that we will experience it as such. And that is when we need positive thinking. We have been given something bad, a real lemon, and we better scramble and make some lemonade out of it and salvage something out of this "bad" situation.
How tiring and tiresome!
Now think back on your own life. Can you recall instances of something that you initially thought was a bad thing that turned out to be not so bad after all or perhaps even a spectacularly good thing? Like the time you just missed a train and had to wait a whole hour for the next one and it was horrible except that your neighbor also missed it so you talked for the first time and a beautiful friendship developed. You will find many instances in your life, some of them very significant such as the job you desperately wanted but didn't get only to find that a much better one came by and you would not have been able to accept it if not for the earlier rejection.
Now lets propose something radical and revolutionary. Lets propose that, no matter what happens to you, you do not stick a bad thing label on it. No matter what. You are fired from your job...your mortgage lender sends you a foreclosure notice . . . your spouse files for divorce . . . or whatever. This seems so far-fetched as to be laughable. Of course these are horrible tragedies and terrible things to happen. Or are they? Is it possible, just possible, that you have been conditioned to think of these happenings as unspeakable tragedies and hence experience them as such?
Viktor Frankl in his book Man's Search for Meaning narrates the tale of the beautiful girl of privilege who was grateful to be in a concentration camp because she was able to connect with a spiritual side of her that she never knew existed. Observations like this led Frankl into his life's work of determining why, when faced with extreme adversity, some persons positively flourish while others disintegrate.
Many who rise so triumphantly never label what they go through as bad and lament over it. They simply take it as a given as if they were a civil engineer surveying the landscape through which a road is to be built. In this view, a swamp is not a bad thing. It is merely something that has to be addressed in the construction plan.
And if you never label something as bad, then you don't need positive thinking and all of the stress associated with getting something bad and experiencing it as such till you figure out how to make lemonade out of it simply goes away.
That is the huge pebble in the positive thinking shoe. "This is bad. Really bad. It's a lemon. But somehow I will make some lemonade out of it and then perhaps it won't be so bad." First you think its bad and then you think you will somehow make it less bad and there is a strong undercurrent that you are playing games and kidding yourself. Some people succeed. Many don't. And those who don't are devastated that the model they were trying so hard to build caved in on them. That's why positive thinking can sometimes be harmful.
Can you actually go through life without labeling what happens to you as good or bad? Sure you can. You have to train yourself to do this. You have been conditioned to think of things as bad or good. You can de-condition yourself. It is neither easy nor fast but it is possible.
Lets say you break your leg. There is stuff you have to do like go to an orthopedist and get it set and go to therapy when the cast comes off. But all the rest of the stuff you pick up "Why did this have to happen to me? Bad things always come my way. I am in such pain. Who will hold the world up now that I am disabled?" is simply baggage. You don't have to pick up this load and the only reason you do is because you were never told that you didn't have to.
I am telling you now. Don't pick up that useless burden. Don't label what happens to you as bad. Then you won't need positive thinking and much of the stress in your life will simply disappear. Poof! Just like that.
© 2010 Srikumar Rao, author of 'Happiness at Work: Be Resilient, Motivated, and Successful -- No Matter What'. This article is reprinted here with permission from Srikumar Rao (also on Twitter), the founder of the popular Creativity and Personal Mastery Program.
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I want to show gratitude for writing such a good feature
article, really will support me out in frequent ways…
Sometimes when life hands you a lemon, you can say, "No, thank you. I think I'll have a big juicy strawberry this time, please.
The same goes for "good" things that happen to us which may turn out to be so good in retrospect.
It presents a foothold for me, however, for hope, which has dwindled in my life as of late as the "bad" appears to have accumulated. Someday, some of this might appear lucky.
Its not easy when one is passing through a hard time and even if they tell you you are not alone you still feeel alone......
This brings to mind why I have never seen a book titled
"Why Good Things Happen to Bad People." It’s as arbitrary as its counterpart. I agree with many of the comments, but growing up in America I really haven't experienced a bad life--a few bad experiences definitely. I often wonder how people view what has happened to them, their cutural, or their country when disaster or war hits.
Yes, some people believe they have been handed a lemon and except what is, is. Others choose to find another path by leaving the situation behind them and finding another spot in the world that makes himor her happier.
I embrace and practice positive thinking every chance I get, it does make difference.
We're not homeless; we're camping. With really crappy gear and no hope of a warm bed and shower ever again. Those police officers aren't chasing us; it's all an elaborate game of tag where we're always it.
That foreclosed house isn't vacant; it's resting from all it's years of faithful service.
Articles like this make me feel wonder if the author really responds with a perky little aphorism when their dog dies, their partner runs off with a bar girl and their car throws a transmission. I'm betting they don't.
All of this is just a means of shaming those suffering into shutting up so that the rest of us can get on with our hedonism.
Facts are realities on ground whatever are the circumstances hence we must try to accept them as they are but not as they look like, only. DailGood Team deserves appreciation
I've always been able to see this in hindsight, but it's harder to buy into when I'm in the midst of of a challenging time!
But now, with enough life experience behind me, and enough retrospect in my pocket, I really can see that the "negative" situations in my life turned out to be a gift. I am trusting more and more that this really is a universal truth, and it's getting easier to remember even in the midst of a "crisis".
There is no "bad" or "good", only our perception of the situation at the time.
I fully go with the spirit of this article. This is how I live and it works fine.
Viktor Frankl mentions the story of a beautiful girl
in the concentration camp grateful for the chance to connect with her spirituality
which was not possible in a hedonistic world. “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a
heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”
― John Milton, Paradise Lost
Absolutely true.. a beautiful article.. I am hooked and shall start practising..
Well, after having been through a lot of "bad" throughout my life, and some "good", I still think it is what it is. Losing your family, your home, everything you loved is still BAD. All of the salient points of this article have traveled through this brain, and have to say, just take each day as it comes and try your best. It's really all you can do.
I love the thinking. Finally a philosophy of looking at a situation without needing to put it on the good/bad balance.
"whatever happens to me, happens for my good"
This is very inspiring at the right time for me.
Lately I have been feeling bad about myself and the critics I get. But your message has help me. thank you