在我即将成为母亲的两年前，我学到了关于育儿最重要的一课。这并非来自《纽约时报》畅销书、知名儿科医生或经验丰富的父母，而是来自一个十岁的男孩。他的母亲吸毒成瘾，他的个别化教育计划比百科全书还厚——三岁时，他被人用延长线抽打，左臂侧面留下了永久的疤痕。
Kyle（*化名）教会了我唯一一件我真正需要知道的事情，那就是如何在人生的挑战中去爱一个孩子。
这是我的故事……
这是一次艰难的搬家。我离开了家人、朋友，以及我深爱的、生活了大半辈子的中西部州。我的新家远在千里之外，远离我熟悉的一切。那里常年炎热，没有四季之分，而且教职工作也很难找。我拥有七年的行为专家经验，渴望迎接挑战。只要能让我做我命中注定要做的事——教书育人，我愿意接受任何工作。
我接受了一份教职，在一个专门接收患有各种教育障碍儿童的班级里任教。这些学生有严重的学习和行为问题，他们辗转于各个学校之间。到目前为止，学区内没有任何一个项目能够满足他们特殊的教育需求。
开学的头几个月很艰难。每天花45分钟通勤到市中心，我常常忍不住哭泣。就连打开教室门都需要深吸一口气，但我每天都祈祷着，希望今天就是转机——一个破碎心灵的转机。
那天早上，我格外兴奋。我和另一位主班老师花了几个星期的时间教孩子们在公共场合外出时应该有怎样的行为举止。我们要去玩迷你高尔夫，还要出去吃午饭。奇迹般地，班里大部分孩子都达到了这个标准——只有少数几个没达到。在我们外出活动期间，我们为那些没达标的学生安排了其他活动。
我们制定了一套详尽的计划，力求让离校过程尽可能顺利。但由于许多学生的情绪激动，即使是最好的计划也可能很快失控。
凯尔是没能获得实地考察机会的学生之一，他决心要让大家知道他有多失望。
在教室之间的走廊里，他开始尖叫、咒骂、吐口水，并挥舞着任何触手可及的东西。等他情绪平息下来后，他做了他在其他学校、家里，甚至有一次在少年拘留中心生气时都会做的事——逃跑了。
围观群众目瞪口呆地看着凯尔径直跑进了学校门前拥挤的早高峰车流中。
我听到有人喊：“报警！”
根据凯尔档案中的信息，我知道警官们会找到他，并根据5150条款对他进行精神鉴定。
但我不能就这么站在那里，所以我追了上去。
凯尔比我至少高一英尺。而且他跑得很快。他的哥哥们是附近高中的田径明星。但我为了这次郊游穿了跑鞋，我可以跑很长的距离而不觉得累。至少我能一直看着他，知道他还活着。
凯尔身手敏捷，如同职业运动员一般，躲避着路上的车辆。在迎着车流狂奔了好几个街区后，他放慢了速度。虽然还是清晨，但热带的阳光已经炙烤着黑色的柏油路面，任何胆敢在上面全速奔跑的人都会被烤得汗流浃背。
凯尔猛地左转，开始穿过一个破败的商业街。他站在一台垃圾压缩机旁，弯下腰，双手撑着膝盖，大口喘着气。就在这时，他看到了我。我当时的样子一定很滑稽——轻薄的衬衫被汗水浸透，原本精心打理的头发现在湿漉漉地贴在通红的脸上。他猛地站了起来，就像一只受惊的动物，以为自己孤身一人，突然发现自己被发现了一样。
但这并非恐惧的表情。
我看到他的身体放松下来，没有再尝试奔跑。凯尔站在那里，看着我走近。我精疲力竭，放慢脚步，开始步行。
凯尔一动不动。
我不知道自己要说什么，也不知道自己要做什么，但我还是继续往前走。
我们四目相对，我竭尽全力，将心中所有的同情和理解都倾注到他身上。
他刚要开口说话，一辆警车就停了下来，突然挡在了我和凯尔之间。校长和一名警官下了车。他们平静地和凯尔交谈，凯尔也乖乖地坐进了警车后座。我没能靠近到听清他们说了什么，但我的目光始终没有离开过凯尔的脸。他的目光也从未离开过我……直到警车开走。
过了好几天，凯尔才被允许重返校园。我向凯尔的语言治疗师表达了我对事态发展的失望，他了解凯尔的过往经历和家庭情况。
她把手放在我的肩膀上说：“瑞秋，以前从来没有人追过他。从来没有。他们都放他走了。”
但我忍不住觉得我辜负了他……我应该做得更多，说得更多……我应该解决这个问题，或者更好的是，阻止这个问题的发生。
凯尔最终还是回到了学校。我很快注意到，当他可以选择和哪位老师一起上课，或者哪位老师陪他去上特殊课程时，他总是选择我。几周过去了，他几乎寸步不离地跟着我，听从我的指示，努力完成作业，偶尔还会露出笑容。对于一个有严重依恋障碍的孩子来说，他能和我建立起这种亲密关系，真是令人惊叹。
一天去美术课的路上，凯尔突然抓住了我的手。对于他这个年纪和个头的男孩来说，牵着老师的手很不寻常，但我知道我必须表现得好像这是世界上最正常不过的事情。
然后他凑近我，轻声说了一句我永远不会忘记的话。
“我爱你，斯塔福德小姐，”他低声说道。然后又说，“我以前从未对任何人说过这句话。”
我内心深处很想问：“为什么是我？”
但我却沉浸在这一刻——对于一个档案上写着“无法表达爱或与他人保持恋爱关系”的孩子来说，这是一个难以想象的突破。
此外，我知道转折点。自从他逃跑那天起，一切都改变了，我也追了上去——尽管我找不到合适的语言……尽管我没能把他从困境中解救出来。
那天我没有举手投降，认为他速度太快……浪费时间和精力……毫无希望。
那天，我的出现本身就足以产生深远的影响。
距离我上次见到凯尔已经十年了。我现在住的地方也和以前不一样了。但我经常想起他。当我跑步的时候……当我跑到腿脚酸痛的时候……我就会想起他。
每当我遇到那些棘手的育儿难题——无论是来自家庭内部还是外部的——那些让我感到绝望、想要撞墙或垂头丧气的困境时，我都会想起他。每当我看着孩子们忧虑的眼神，不知所措、不知该说什么时，我都会想起凯尔。
这时我看到了凯尔的表情，才意识到我并不总是需要给出答案。因为有时候根本没有明确的答案。
而且我记住，我并不总是需要“治愈”他们受伤的心灵。因为有些时候，我做不到。
我想起了凯尔，也想起了陪伴的力量。因为即使不说一个字，也能表达出“我不会让你独自承受这一切”的意思。
谢谢你，凯尔，你揭示了在人生挑战中爱孩子的关键。
有时，我们仅仅是在场就足够了。
有时候，这正是将糟糕的局面转变为充满希望的局面所需要的。
在美国，许多学生即将开始新的学年。随之而来的是，任何年龄段的孩子都难免会遇到社交、学业和情感方面的问题。我希望我们都能放松一些，意识到我们不必总是“解决问题”或找到答案，而是应该用爱陪伴在孩子身边。
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a classic example of how CURE comes through CARE ! You cared for Kyle not through words but just by running after him......your Care, your Concern which differentiated you from the mass for Kyle.
As a lifelong educator I want to thank and praise you from the bottom of my heart. There is more wisdom and real teaching knowledge in this essay than in 100 education books. You've also comforted my heart as I once again stay present with a child in a challenging situation. I can't fix anything but I can love him with all of my being.
as a parent of one of those kids, Thank you for loving on them.
Every month for the past 2 1/2 years, my organization, Gina's Team, has driven the 246 mile round trip to present an inspirational program to very troubled teenage girls at a large juvenile facility upstate. We are only there 2 hours (the trip is longer than the event) and sometimes I feel like what we do is a tiny bandaid on a huge, gapping wound. Then we get letters from the girls that say "I look forward to your coming all month," "I know you will come." "Thank you for always being there," We know we can depend on you." Rachel is right. Showing up in the lives of these children is sometimes all we can do but sometimes it is enough. Thank you, Rachel, for reminding me because sometimes I need reminding.
Yes. We all need someone in our corner. Life isn't supposed to be easy, but God didn't create us to be the Lone Ranger. That's a Hollywood Idea. How good to hold the hand of someone who loves us! How good to love and be loved for exactly who and what we are.
i too had this problem during my secondary school days........
Rachel , you did wonders & i really appreciated your initiative to concern the boy and understand his feelings through that you got a solution to help him through his problems . I too had this porblems during my secondary school days especially with my maths teacher who also see me as a troubled student , due to that i really hate the maths subject but other subject i did it well , it is the attitude of the teacher that matters .
Thank you Rachel .
WONDERFUL-- NEW WORD NOT AVAILABLE TO SHARE MY FEELINGS
Yes, most of the times what is needed is just being there,fully, all of oneself.
What a wonderful story. Thank you. Kyle responded to what we all need and want, simply love. Imagine our world if we all cared enough to "run after" someone.
Just when I question what impact I have in my life and on the world I read this beautiful story. Thank you for reminding me that sometimes, perhaps all the time, must being me is good enough.
what a beautiful narration of a heart warming positive act. It is never so important what you can do as what you intend and how sincere your actions are to help others irrespective of success it meets with.
Thank you for sharing. I am crying for Kyle and all the lost souls who dont have an anchor in life. We judge, ignore, shun, lock up, rage at and blame them for the ills of society when most of the time, they just need compassion and support. I take my loving family for granted sometimes until I get a wakeup call like this story to pass on some of the love and understanding I have been handed freely my whole life. I vow to show up for someone today.
No comments so far. Because it’s possible to say, “I loved the piece,” 'without uttering a single word'?
Rachel, bless you for being Present! How fortunate for Kyle that You ran after him, imagine how that felt to him, for someone to show enough care and concern to not let him go. I can see why he loved you; you showed him through Action that you cared. Words mean nothing when one is abused as he was, action means everything.
[Hide Full Comment]One of the most powerful memories I have of teaching within my volunteer project in Belize (I sold my home & most of my stuff to create/facilitate the program) happened at an inner city school with a 12 year old boy whom the teacher told me was always a "problem" and I should simply not bother with him. I work hard to view every person not as a problem, but as a human being. And what I discovered during the lesson was he could not read or write and he'd made it to the 7th grade that way. Not his fault, the fault of a system that failed him in diagnosing his learning difficulty. How frustrating it must have been for him to be in the classroom day in, day out, year after year, without knowing how to read or write. And there are no Special Ed teachers nor paraprofessionals to help him. He probably had a myriad of other problems too.
When I led the discussion about Belizean legends such as Tata Duende the protector of the rain forest, he always raised his hand, or shouted out responses to the questions. But at least he was contributing; true he was trying hard to see what I would say to his mostly flippant answers. I said YES to all of his answers responding, "Oh that is creative. I never heard it told that way before, yes, stories have many versions and ways to be told."
When it came time for the writing, (note: almost All the students in Belize speak English as a second language. Many of the schools do little to NO creative writing, but the children are expected to write an essay and a story based on a proverb or a picture on their National exam to enter high school) I walked around the room encouraging and helping with spelling, sentence structure. I noticed only scribbles on his page, deep scribbles tearing the paper. I leaned down and whispered gently in his ear, "you don't know how to write do you?" Eyes downcast, 'no Miss." "You don't know how to read, do you?" "No, Miss." I leaned in closer touching him on the shoulder, "It's not your fault, let me help you, let's do the story together, you tell it to me and I'll write it down for you." His eyes lit up. And he told me an Amazing story. He was very creative, but his teacher never saw that side, she saw only his disruptive behavior because he always felt less than at school.
When the class was finished with the exercise I chose 5 to share their stories with this class, including the boy I had helped, asking it he would like to tell his story, 'No, Miss, you tell it." And I did, his classmates were astounded at the story he created, his teacher's jaw dropped. The students were patting him on the back saying, "You a storyteller!" He beamed.
As I left the classroom, the teacher followed me asking how I had gotten him to do the exercise, I simply said, "Respect, I treated him like a human being, not a problem."
Bless you Rachel for seeing the hurt human being in Kyle. I am sure he will remember you and be grateful to you for his entire life. You created a turning point, hopefully other teachers followed suit later in his school life.