ከ ServiceSpace.org ጋር ያለኝ የበጋ ልምምድ አካል ከማላውቃቸው ሰዎች ጋር ውይይት መጀመርን ያካትታል፣ እና አንድ የምጠይቃቸው ጥያቄ በህይወት ውስጥ በእርግጠኝነት ምን ያውቃሉ? በእርግጠኝነት የሚያውቁት ነገር። መጀመሪያ ላይ ይህን ጥያቄ ስጠየቅ ወደ አእምሮዬ የመጣው ፈጣን መልስ ሞት ነው። ሞት በሁሉም ቦታ አለ። እና ሞት በሁሉም ቦታ አለ ማለቴ አይደለም በይስሙላ ወይም በህመም ስሜት፣ ሞት ግን የማይቀር የህይወት ክፍል ነው። ሞትን እንደ ጥሩ ወይም መጥፎ ነገር ከማየት ይልቅ የሆነ ነገር ብቻ ነው።
የ12 ዓመት ልጅ ሳለሁ፣ ቤተመቅደስ በሆነው አዳሪ ትምህርት ቤት ተምሬ ነበር። ወላጆቼ ለክረምት ዕረፍት ሊወስዱኝ መጡ። እናቴ በቤተመቅደስ ውስጥ ለማፈግፈግ ለመቆየት አቅዳ ነበር፣ነገር ግን በመጨረሻ ቤት ስለምሆን እንድትመለስ ለመንኳት። እናቴ ሰማችኝ እና ወደ ቤቴ መመለስ ጀመርን። አመሻሽ እየቀረበ ነበር፣ እናም ዝናቡ እየነፈሰ ነበር። አዳሪ ትምህርት ቤት ከገባሁ በኋላ ለመጀመሪያ ጊዜ እኔና ወላጆቼ ምንም ዓይነት ጭቅጭቅ ሳይኖር በመኪና ውስጥ አስደሳች ውይይት እያደረግን ነበር። የተከሰተበትን ትክክለኛ ቅጽበት አስታውሳለሁ ማለት አልችልም; በፍፁም ትዝ ይለኛል ማለት አልችልም። በድብቅ የማስታውሰው የሚቀጥለው ነገር በሆስፒታል አልጋ ላይ መንቃቴን ነው፣ እና በሚቀጥሉት ጥቂት ቀናት ውስጥ ራሴን ሳስበው ገባሁ።
ሞት ከግንኙነት ያውጣሃል እና እኛ በከፍተኛ ደረጃ የግንኙነታችን ድምር እንሆናለን። በእናትና በልጅ መካከል ያለው ግንኙነት ልዩ እና የማይተካ ነው. ይህ ግንኙነት በሞት መቋረጡን ለአንድ ልጅ እንዴት ይነግሩታል? እናቴ በመኪና አደጋው እንዳለቀች የተነገረኝን በግልፅ ባላስታውሰውም ነገር ግን ወደ ቤት ስንሄድ ወንድሜ፣ አባቴ እና እኔ ብቻ ሳለን ነው የደረሰብኝ።
አንድ ጥቅስ አለ "የምትወደው ሰው ሲሞት እና ባትጠብቀው, በአንድ ጊዜ አታጣትም, ለረጅም ጊዜ ቁርጥራጭ ታጣዋለህ." እና ለረጅም ጊዜ የተሰማው እንደዚህ ነው። በልጅነት ጊዜ ሀዘንን መቋቋም በጣም ልዩ ነገር ነው. የእናቴ የቀብር ሥነ ሥርዓት እሷ ካለፈች አንድ ሳምንት በኋላ ነበር፣ እና ያኔ የሆነውን ነገር ማስተናገድ አልቻልኩም። ደነዘዘኝ እና ምን እንደሚሰማኝ አላውቅም ነበር።
ሞት በጣም ድንገተኛ እና ድንገተኛ ስለሆነ ወደ አንድ አይነት ድንጋጤ ውስጥ እንገባለን። ያ ድንገተኛ መጨረሻ እና ከዚያ በኋላ የለም። የተደረገውን ሁሉ ከአሁን በኋላ መውሰድ፣ ሊሆኑ ይችሉ የነበሩትን ነገሮች ከአሁን በኋላ መውሰድ የለም። ከዚያ በኋላ አንድ ጊዜ ነው ሁሉንም ነገር የሚለውጠው ሌላ ማንኛውም ነገር በጣም ዘግይቷል. እና ይህ ምናልባት ከሁሉም የከፋው ክፍል ነበር - እናቴ በህይወቴ ውስጥ ላሉ ትልልቅ እና ትናንሽ ክስተቶች በአለም ላይ ብትገኝ ምን እንደሚመስል ባለማወቅ ሀዘን። ለዓመታት ሀዘኑን ምን ማድረግ እንዳለብኝ አላውቅም ነበር፣ እና ምናልባት በማላውቀው መንገድ ተገለጠ።
ነገር ግን ከጊዜ በኋላ ከዚህ ኪሳራ ጋር ለመታረቅ ይመጣሉ. በእሱ ላይ ደህና መሆንህ አይደለም ነገር ግን ለሆነው ነገር መቀበልን ተማርክ።
"ሀዘን ሸክም ሊሆን ይችላል ነገር ግን መልሕቅም ሊሆን ይችላል፡ ክብደቱን (እና እርስዎን እንዴት እንደሚይዝዎት) ለምደዋል።" የእናቴ ሞት መልሕቅ ሆነ - በአንዳንድ መንገዶች ከብዶኝ ነበር። ከአስፈላጊው በላይ ስለ እሷ ሞት መንገድ እያወራሁ አገኘሁት። በተሰበረ ሪከርድ-ተጫዋች ላይ እራሱን እንደሚደግም አሳዛኝ ዘፈን ነበር። እናቴ ከሞተች በኋላ በሆነ መንገድ የድል አድራጊ እና ጥንካሬን ካሳየኝ በኋላ በጣም አስተዋይ እና ተጠያቂ እንድሆን ለማስመሰል ሞከርኩ። የእሷ ሞት በህይወቴ ውስጥ ካሉት መጥፎ አጋጣሚዎች አንዱ ቢሆንም፣ ይህ በእኔ ላይ የደረሰው የመጀመሪያው መጥፎ ነገር እንዳልሆነ እና ምናልባትም የመጨረሻው ላይሆን እንደሚችል ተረዳሁ። ሞት ስለ እውነታ ግልጽ ያልሆነ እና የተዛባ አመለካከት ሊሰጥ ይችላል.
በሌላ መንገድ፣ የእናቴ ሞት መልህቅ ሆኖብኝ እንድቆይ ረድቶኛል። ሌሎች ጥሩ ያልሆኑ ነገሮች ሲከሰቱ፣ ለራሴ የተወሰነ ጊዜ ሰጥቼ አንድ እርምጃ ከወሰድኩ፣ ብስጭቱ እየቀነሰ ይሄዳል። እንደ አንድ መጥፎ ነገር እንደ ገለልተኛ ክስተት ከማየት ይልቅ ትልቁን ምስል ማየት እችላለሁ። በታላቁ የነገሮች እቅድ ውስጥ፣ እነዚህ የመከራ ጊዜያት በደስታ አጋጣሚዎች ይሞላሉ። እናቴ ከሌለች ከአባቴ ጋር በጣም ቀርቤያለሁ እና ግንኙነታችን ጥሩ ነው። ይህ ከሞት ጋር ያለው ብሩሽ በህይወቴ ውስጥ ያሉኝን ሌሎች ግንኙነቶችንም እንድወድ አድርጎኛል። በሞትም ሆነ በሌላ ነገር፣ አንድ ሰው መቼ ከህይወትህ ለዘላለም እንደሚጠፋ አታውቅም፣ እና ከእነሱ ጋር ያለህን ጊዜ እንደ ቀላል ነገር መውሰድ አትፈልግም። የእሷ ሞት የበለጠ ክፍት እንድሆን እና ለሌሎች ድጋፍ እንድደርስ ረድቶኛል፣ እና ብዙ ተለዋዋጭ ሰዎችን አግኝቻለሁ። እና በረቀቀ መንገድ፣ የእሷ ሞት ስለ ህይወት የበለጠ ትሁት እንድሆን አስተምሮኛል።
ሞት እንግዳ ነገር ነው። ምንም እንኳን ሁልጊዜ የሚከሰት ቢሆንም, ሊያሳውርዎት ይችላል. ሰው መሆን ማለት እርስዎ እንዴት ምላሽ እንደሚሰጡ እና ሞትን እንዴት እንደሚይዙ ሙሉ በሙሉ መያዝ ማለት ነው። በሱ እንዳንሸነፍ፣ በሱ አለመናደድ። ነገር ግን የዚህን እውነታ ፈጣንነት እንዲያጣህ በጣም ሩቅ እንዳይሆን. ምክንያቱም በቅርብ የምንለይበትን ነገር በማጣት ነው እራሳችንን ማግኘት የምንጀምርበት።
ከላይ ያለውን በደራሲው ድምጽ ለማዳመጥ ከታች ያለውን ተጫወት የሚለውን ይጫኑ፡-
COMMUNITY REFLECTIONS
SHARE YOUR REFLECTION
17 PAST RESPONSES
I came close to losing my husband a year ago. He has struggled and suffered tremendously this last year and now I see he is slowly getting ready to pass on. I've been learning what grief is, when life takes from you, that which you experience as a foundation is gone. Everything you relate to, formed by the relationship molding your your experience is transformed. Change is the one thing we can learn to embrace and are certain to face, as we proceed down the path of life. Finding who we are as individuals woven into the threads of the fabric of life, ever intertwined. Knowing that what we have shared with those close to us, never ceases to influence and in some instances becomes more pronounced, when a person is no longer in direct contact physical contact with us. The tracks of the aura left by that person seem to comfort and remind us how we've been shaped by our experiences with them.
I appreciate you sharing such a personal story, in such a mature way. It is all about perspective and thank you for your wisdom.
amazing... I have lost a loved one recently but I hVE TO ACCEPT IT..(
THANK YOU FOR SHARING ...
Thank you Thao for sharing your life and for me to learn my lessons . My father and father in law passed away 21 years ago within a month of each other and till today there is an emptiness within me . They were good human beings and I keep remembering and implementing in my life the values and examples they set forth in their lives . Blessings to you .
Thao-- you have no idea what it meant for me to read your story today. Yesterday I asked my mother (whom I also lost when I was 12) to send me a sign about a really tough relationship decision I have recently made. Was it the right one? Could she somehow let me know that I had done the right thing? And, to my disbelief, 6 hours later, your words appeared in my inbox. Through you, she has reminded me of that critically important aspect of life that we often lose touch of: perspective. When you can cope with losing the most important person in your life, you learn that life will go on and to take nothing for granted--especially yourself. So thank you for being the messenger through whom my mother could reach me today. All the best to you.
Thao Phi, The last words you spoke, in the recording of your story, were "thank you for listening". Well I'd like to say "thank you for sharing!" Please continue "talking" (writing) . . . we WILL glad-fully listen to you as your mother now does from heaven. Though physically not present, spiritually, your mom is more present than she has ever been before. You are a strong young lady! Much love to you!
Mothers unconditional love never dies, Life andDeaths are two side of the same coin,spiritualy death is to physical body not soul.we just change clothes.one of my 92 yearfriend use to say every morning with cup of coffee - I hope you live always and I never die.life is creation of lord,we are all his children so our true self is also eternal always love navin
As a parent I can say that if I had to go in a car accident like your mom did, it would mean a lot to me that the last act I did was show my willingness to be flexible for the girl I adore the most. Knowing that you survived and found the power to keep living is that much more valuable. Make the most of your life, find your way and experience it to it's fullest and her dreams will continue to come true. If I had one wish it would be for my children to have that.
We
bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world--the
company of those who have known suffering - Helen Keller
We
bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world--the
company of those who have known suffering - Helen Keller –
A person dies but a relationship never dies.
That is the beauty of death.
Bless you, Thao.
At 16 I performed CPR on my mom in the middle of the night, and although she never regained consciousness she remained alive three more days - long enough for the rest of the family to say their good-byes.
You have captured the feeling of the finality of death very well here. That helpless feeling of not being able to go back, and the final acceptance that it is, what it is.
It is hard to go through the big milestones of life without a mother. I married, had two children (buried my dad, two brothers and a sister along the way too), and at age 50 I still wonder. . . who was she? Who would she be as an older woman? What were her dreams? What would she say about my choices in life?
I don't think about her as much as I used to, but did today reading your story. I like your reminder to "not ... let it slip too far away that you lose the immediacy of this
[Hide Full Comment]reality. Because it's in losing something that we so closely identify
with that we can begin to find ourselves."
Thanks for sharing this Thao. You describe your experience of loss so poignantly. I've posted your final words on my Facebook page, Joyful Mourning. Check it out. http://facebook.com/joyfulm...
sorry, and thank you, i understand completely, Ive loss so many pple, im almost alone, and it does make you realize whats important and whats not. theres one thing I checked on was 150 000 pple die every day, so if you are going through it know your your not alone, there is 149 999 other pple feeling the same as you. :)
My closest encounter with death was in 2011, July when i lost my dearly adored wife. We had been married for 7 years. I had never been so deeply devastated in my entire life. My central purpose for existence had been shifted, and shifted forever. Since then, i have learned to appreciate the gift of life more than ever before, but most importantly, i am constantly happy that i once shared my life with the most beautiful and sweetest soul on earth.
My mother was killed when I was 15, and I can so relate to this writer. I am 71 now, and I still think of my mother every day. I believe that experience has enlarged my life in so many ways I can still hardly imagine. We will all experience it, but an early death changes everything forever.
I am not scared of death, but have a feeling that it must be the most peaceful passage from earthly dwelling to the unknown. Feel like experiencing it