ተጨባጭ፣ ሊደረስባቸው የሚችሉ ግቦች ይኖረናል የሚለው ሃሳብ በባህላችን ውስጥ ስር የሰደዱ ይመስላሉ። ለብዙ አመታት ከዓላማዎች ጋር እንደኖርኩ አውቃለሁ፣ እና በእውነቱ እዚህ ስለ ዜን ልማዶች የፃፍኩት ትልቅ ክፍል ግቦችን እንዴት ማውጣት እና ማሳካት እንደሚቻል ነው።
በአሁኑ ጊዜ ግን ያለ ግብ እኖራለሁ, በአብዛኛው. ፍፁም ነፃ አውጪ ነው፣ እና ከተማርከው በተቃራኒ፣ ፍፁም ነገሮችን ማሳካት አቁም ማለት አይደለም።
እራስህን በግቦች መገደብ አቁም ማለት ነው።
“ወዴት እንደምትሄድ እስካላወቅክ ድረስ የትም አትደርስም” የሚለውን የተለመደ እምነት ተመልከት። ይህ በጣም የተለመደ ስሜት ያለው ይመስላል፣ ነገር ግን እሱን ለማሰብ ቆም ብለው ካሰቡ እውነት ላይሆን ይችላል። ቀላል ሙከራ ያካሂዱ፡ ወደ ውጭ ይውጡ እና በዘፈቀደ አቅጣጫ ይራመዱ፣ እና አቅጣጫዎችን በዘፈቀደ ለመቀየር ነፃነት ይሰማዎ። ከ20 ደቂቃ በኋላ፣ አንድ ሰአት… የሆነ ቦታ ትሆናለህ! እዛ ላይ እንደምትደርስ ስላላወቅክ ብቻ ነው።
እዛም መፋቅ አለ፡ መሄድ ያልጠበቅክባቸውን ቦታዎች ለመሄድ አእምሮህን መክፈት አለብህ። ያለ ግብ የምትኖር ከሆነ፣ አዲስ ግዛት ትቃኛለህ። አንዳንድ ያልተጠበቁ ነገሮችን ይማራሉ. የሚገርሙ ቦታዎች ላይ ትደርሳለህ። የዚህ ፍልስፍና ውበት ይህ ነው, ግን ደግሞ አስቸጋሪ ሽግግር ነው.
ዛሬ በአብዛኛው የምኖረው ያለ ግብ ነው። አሁን እና ከዚያ ግብ ማምጣት እጀምራለሁ ነገርግን እየፈቀድኳቸው ነው። ያለ ግብ መኖር የእኔ ግብ ሆኖ አያውቅም… የበለጠ የምደሰትበት፣ በሚያስገርም ሁኔታ ነፃ የሚያወጣ፣ ካዳበርኩት ፍላጎቴን የመከተል አኗኗር ጋር የሚሰራ እየተማርኩ ያለሁት ነገር ነው።
ከግቦች ጋር ያለው ችግር
ቀደም ሲል፣ ለዓመቱ አንድ ግብ ወይም ሶስት፣ ከዚያም ለእያንዳንዱ ወር ንዑስ ግቦች አውጥቻለሁ። ከዚያ በየሳምንቱ እና በየእለቱ ምን አይነት እርምጃ መውሰድ እንዳለብኝ ለማወቅ እና ቀኔን በእነዚህ እርምጃዎች ላይ ለማተኮር እሞክራለሁ።
እንደ አለመታደል ሆኖ ፣ ይህንን በጭራሽ በጭራሽ አይሰራም። ይህንን ሁላችሁም ታውቃላችሁ። በድርጊት እርምጃ ላይ መስራት እንዳለቦት ያውቃሉ፣ እና እራስዎን ለማነሳሳት የመጨረሻውን ግብ በአእምሮዎ ለመያዝ ይሞክራሉ። ነገር ግን ይህ የእርምጃ እርምጃ እርስዎ የሚያስፈሩት ነገር ሊሆን ይችላል፣ እና ስለዚህ ለሌላ ጊዜ ያስተላልፋሉ። ሌላ ሥራ ትሠራለህ፣ ወይም ኢሜል ወይም ፌስቡክን ትመለከታለህ፣ ወይም ደግሞ ጠፍቷል።
እና ስለዚህ ሳምንታዊ ግቦችዎ እና ወርሃዊ ግቦችዎ ወደ ኋላ ይመለሳሉ ወይም ወደ ጎን ይመለከታሉ እና ምንም አይነት ተግሣጽ ስለሌለዎት ተስፋ ይቆርጣሉ። እና ግቦችን ለማሳካት በጣም ከባድ ናቸው። ታዲያ አሁን ምን? ደህና፣ ግቦችህን ገምግመህ ዳግም አስጀምረዋቸዋል። አዲስ የንዑስ ግቦች እና የድርጊት መርሃ ግብሮች ስብስብ ይፈጥራሉ። የት እንደምትሄድ ታውቃለህ፣ ምክንያቱም ግቦች ስላለህ!
እርግጥ ነው፣ ወደዚያ ለመድረስ አትጨርሱም። አንዳንድ ጊዜ ግቡን ይሳካል እና ከዚያ አስደናቂ ስሜት ይሰማዎታል። ግን ብዙ ጊዜ እነሱን አታሳካቸው እና በራስህ ላይ ትወቅሳለህ።
ሚስጥሩ ይህ ነው፡ ችግሩ አንተ አይደለህም ስርዓቱ ነው! ግቦች እንደ ሥርዓት ለውድቀት ተዘጋጅተዋል።
በትክክል ነገሮችን ስታደርግ እንኳን፣ ተስማሚ አይደለም። ምክንያቱ ይህ ነው፡ በድርጊትዎ ውስጥ በጣም የተገደቡ ናቸው። የሆነ ነገር ለማድረግ ፍላጎት ከሌለዎት፣ እንዲያደርጉት እራስዎን ማስገደድ አለብዎት። መንገድዎ ተመርጧል፣ ስለዚህ አዲስ ግዛትን ለማሰስ ቦታ የለዎትም። ለሌላ ነገር በጣም በሚወዱበት ጊዜ እንኳን እቅዱን መከተል አለብዎት።
አንዳንድ የግብ ሥርዓቶች የበለጠ ተለዋዋጭ ናቸው፣ ነገር ግን ምንም ግብ እንደሌለው ተለዋዋጭ የለም።
እንዴት እንደሚሰራ
ታዲያ ግብ የሌለበት ህይወት ምን ይመስላል? በተግባራዊ መልኩ፣ ከግብ ጋር ካለው በጣም የተለየ ነው።
ለዓመቱ፣ ለወሩም፣ ለሳምንቱም ሆነ ለቀኑ ግብ አላወጣህም። ስለ ክትትል፣ ወይም ሊተገበሩ ስለሚችሉ እርምጃዎች አያሳስበዎትም። ምንም እንኳን ከፈለግክ አስታዋሾችን መፃፍ ባይጎዳም የተግባር ዝርዝር እንኳን አያስፈልግህም።
ታዲያ ምን ታደርጋለህ? ቀኑን ሙሉ ሶፋው ላይ ተኛ፣ ተኝተህ ቲቪ እየተመለከትክ ሆ-ሆስ እየበላ? አይ፣ በቀላሉ ታደርጋላችሁ። የምትወደውን ነገር አግኝተህ አድርግ። ግቦች ስለሌሉህ ምንም አታደርግም ማለት አይደለም - መፍጠር ትችላለህ፣ ማምረት ትችላለህ፣ ፍላጎትህን መከተል ትችላለህ።
እና በተግባር ይህ አስደናቂ ነገር ነው፡ ከእንቅልፍህ ነቅተህ የምትወደውን አድርግ። ለእኔ፣ ያ አብዛኛውን ጊዜ መጦመር ነው፣ ነገር ግን ልብ ወለድ ወይም ኢ-መጽሐፍ ወይም ቀጣዩ መጽሐፌን መጻፍ ወይም ሌሎችን ለመርዳት ኮርስ መፍጠር ወይም አስደናቂ ከሆኑ ሰዎች ጋር መገናኘት ወይም ከባለቤቴ ጋር ጊዜ ማሳለፍ ወይም ከልጆቼ ጋር መጫወት ሊሆን ይችላል። ምንም ገደብ የለም፣ ምክንያቱም ነጻ ነኝ።
ዞሮ ዞሮ ፣ እኔ ብዙ ጊዜ ግቦች ካሉኝ የበለጠ ማሳካት አሳካለሁ ፣ ምክንያቱም ሁል ጊዜ የምደሰትበትን አንድ ነገር እያደረግሁ ነው። ነገር ግን ማሳካትም አለማድረጌ ዋናው ነጥብ አይደለም፡ ዋናው ነገር እኔ የምወደውን እያደረግሁ መሆኔ ነው።
በጣም አስደናቂ፣ አስገራሚ፣ ምርጥ በሆኑ ቦታዎች ላይ እጨርሳለሁ። ስጀምር እዚያ እንደምደርስ አላውቅም ነበር።
ፈጣን ጥያቄዎች
የአንባቢ ጥያቄ፡- ግብ አለማድረግ ግብ አይደለምን?
ፈጣን መልስ: ግብ ሊሆን ይችላል, ወይም በጉዞው ላይ ማድረግን መማር ይችላሉ, አዳዲስ ዘዴዎችን በማሰስ. እኔ ሁልጊዜ አዳዲስ ነገሮችን እየተማርኩ ነው (እንደ ግብ እንደሌለኝ) በመጀመሪያ እነሱን ለመማር ሳላቀናጅ።
ሌላ የአንባቢ ጥያቄ፡- ታዲያ እንዴት መተዳደር ይቻላል?
መልስ፡ በስሜታዊነት! አሁንም፣ ግብ አለመኖሩ ማለት ነገሮችን መስራት አቁመህ ማለት አይደለም። እንደ እውነቱ ከሆነ, እኔ ብዙ ነገሮችን አደርጋለሁ, ሁል ጊዜ, ነገር ግን እነሱን ማድረግ ስለምወደው ነው የማደርገው.
ያለ ግብ ለመኖር ጠቃሚ ምክሮች
ያለ ግብ የመኖር ዘዴን አልሰጥህም - ያ የማይረባ ነው። ምን ማድረግ እንዳለብህ ላስተምር አልችልም - የራስህ መንገድ መፈለግ አለብህ።
ግን እርስዎን እንደሚረዳዎት ተስፋ በማድረግ የተማርኳቸውን አንዳንድ ነገሮች ላካፍላችሁ እችላለሁ፡-
- በትንሹ ጀምር. ያለ ግብ መኖርን ለመማር ህይወቶን በከፍተኛ ሁኔታ ማሻሻል አያስፈልግም። ቀድመው ከተወሰኑ ግቦች ወይም ድርጊቶች ውጭ ለጥቂት ሰዓታት ብቻ ይሂዱ። ለእነዚያ ሰዓታት ፍላጎትዎን ይከተሉ። አንድ ሰዓት እንኳን ይሠራል.
- እደግ። በዚህ ሁኔታ እየተሻላችሁ ስትሄዱ፣ እራስህን ለረጅም ጊዜ ነፃ እንድትሆን መፍቀድ ጀምር - ግማሽ ቀን ወይም ሙሉ ቀን ወይም ብዙ ቀናት። ውሎ አድሮ በተወሰኑ ግቦች ላይ ለመተው እና የሚወዱትን ብቻ ለማድረግ በራስ የመተማመን ስሜት ይሰማዎታል።
- ሥራ ብቻ አይደለም። ግቦችን መተው በማንኛውም የሕይወትዎ መስክ ይሠራል። ጤናን እና የአካል ብቃትን ይውሰዱ፡ ክብደትን ከመቀነስ ወይም የሰውነት ስብን ከማጣት ጀምሮ እስከ ማራቶን ሩጫ ድረስ ስኳቴን እስከማሳደግ ድረስ የተወሰኑ የአካል ብቃት ግቦች ይኖሩኝ ነበር። ከአሁን በኋላ አይደለም፡ አሁን ስለምወደው ብቻ ነው የማደርገው፣ እና የት እንደሚወስደኝ አላውቅም። በደመቀ ሁኔታ ይሰራል, ምክንያቱም ሁል ጊዜ እራሴን ስለምደሰት.
- ዕቅዶችን ይልቀቁ. ዕቅዶች ከግቦች የተለዩ አይደሉም። ቀድሞ በተወሰነው መንገድ ላይ ያስቀምጧችኋል። ነገር ግን በእቅዶች መኖርን መተው በሚያስደንቅ ሁኔታ ከባድ ነው ፣በተለይ እርስዎ እንደ እኔ ብልህ እቅድ አውጪ ከሆንክ። ስለዚህ እራስዎን ለማቀድ ይፍቀዱ, እንደሚያስፈልግዎት ሲሰማዎት, ነገር ግን ቀስ በቀስ ይህን ልማድ ለመተው ነፃነት ይሰማዎት.
- ስለ ስህተቶች አይጨነቁ። ግቦችን ማዘጋጀት ከጀመርክ እሺ ነው። በዚህ ጉዞ ላይ ምንም ስህተቶች የሉም - የመማር ልምድ ብቻ ነው። ያለ ግብ ከኖርክ እና መጨረሻ ላይ ወድቀህ ከሆነ፣ በእርግጥ ውድቀት እንደሆነ እራስህን ጠይቅ። የምትወድቀው መሄድ የምትፈልገው ቦታ ላይ ካልደረስክ ብቻ ነው - መድረሻ ከሌለህ ግን ውድቀት የለም።
- ሁሉም ጥሩ ነው። የትኛውም መንገድ ብታገኝ፣ የትም ብትደርስ ውብ ነው። ምንም መጥፎ መንገድ, መጥፎ መድረሻ የለም. ልዩነቱ ብቻ ነው፣ ልዩነቱም ድንቅ ነው። አትፍረዱ, ግን ልምድ.
እና በመጨረሻም
ሁልጊዜ ያስታውሱ: ጉዞው ሁሉም ነው. መድረሻው ከነጥቡ አጠገብ ነው.
'ጥሩ መንገደኛ ቋሚ እቅድ የለውም፣ ለመድረስም ፍላጎት የለውም።' ~ ላኦ ትዙ
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18 PAST RESPONSES
As John Lennon once said in a song, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."
Set goals but do not let them abandon you. Approach one goal at a time then take some time off, start from the smallest goal then go to the next one and so on. Appreciate the time having goals and enjoy the time without goals.
We can't just let the goals all the time, in life there are some critical seconds which we need to plane and set goals. The thing is we need to have a balance between our focus and our vision. Focus on the goals you have set and have the broad vision of all aspects to make you feel happy and stay relaxed.
Interesting! And well written! Live purposefully and allow purpose to manifest and in giving free time to explore adds to this journey. This article raises great point that if we are boggged down by mindful presets then we can not truly acheive the path of our own successes. Do what you love and you'll love what you are doing! And at a point if this does seem unattainable.. ask why and how and when can it occur. Dont give up or in!
To me, goals and planning are a means to an end and that feels limiting , "in the box" so to speak. For me, that is contrary to being in the "NOW". My heaven is definitely in the journey!
Wonderfull article. I discovered few years ago this way of life, without knowing it, by visiting London alone. And this allows me to discover some superbe hidden area of the city and also to meet very intersting people. It was the best city treap of my life. And now after reading the article and what I know, I understand what makes the difference. I can understand that: letting go your goals, observing by feeling your sensations, make it easy to connect to the intelligence of the universe. And this allows you to be in the right place at the right time.
I have been at the receiving end of life from the last 3-4 years. I dont know what I like, what I want to do and where I want to reach. I have been working with myself. At one end I am okay with having no predetermined goals in life, but on the other end it becomes too much to handle psychologically. I feel I am lost. At 38 years of age, it feels that I have done or achieved anything.
But slowly I am also becoming clear that there can be life beyond goals, objectives and plans. And many a times I work and live without a goal. And I do "what I want to do" rather than "What I have to do" and even if it is only an hour it gives immense pleasure. It gives me pleasure as I feel I grew to the next maturity level in that one hour.
Thanks for writing on this and I would like to continue this dialogue with you.
Leo, you remind
me of Carl Whittaker who said his theory of how to do therapy is to have no
theory at all. Well, that's a theory. I do see your goal is to have no goals. I
think that's better than having goals in the way you describe. You give a great
description of goal setting can be so frustrating. The problem isn't goals,
it's attachment to goals. Attachment causes suffering. So make all the goals
you want, even a goal of having no goals, just don't attach any feelings of self-worth
or happiness to them. How's that for a goal?
Eddie Reece,
MS, LPC
Leo, you remind
me of Carl Whittaker who said his theory of how to do therapy is to have no
theory at all. Well, that's a theory. I do see your goal is to have no goals. I
think that's better than having goals in the way you describe. You give a great
description of goal setting can be so frustrating. The problem isn't goals,
it's attachment to goals. Attachment causes suffering. So make all the goals
you want, even a goal of having no goals, just don't attach any feelings of self-worth
or happiness to them. How's that for a goal?
Eddie Reece,
MS, LPC
People should not blame Daily Good for posting this article. That's life! Life is about discovery and invention of now things; life styles, methods of dealing with problems, etc.
They did good to present that for public consumption, giving a free platform for people like me to comprehend and either take or reject. To me, i have a multitude of lessons i have tapped from the article and it will go along way to informing my decisions and the way i do things.
Never make life a monotony, it will in the end bore you. You will hate yourself, the people around you and the things that you use.
Thanks Daily Good for always being good!
Thanks for the article, the tutorial- You have taught me a new and workable channel of life. Ahmed
I just left a relationship because the guy couldn't plan ahead - or make a best guess - about our relationship in the future. He wanted to keep coasting along (his words), not living together, not making any commitment to each other. We're in our mid-50s. He was enthusiastic about our relationship day-to-day, and enjoying our times together, as Babauta recommends doing.....but when it comes to making a life with another person, it isn't as if two houses are going to tiptoe during the night until they are united in commitment bliss. You can't move in together accidentally, or on one day when you both happen to realize - "Hey, yay, I suddenly find joy in planning a lifetime together with you! Oh really? Me too, so let's do that today. But tomorrow, well, maybe not. Depends on what I feel like doing." One has to make a decision, one has to make a plan. Planning on being with a special someone for the rest of your life is more of a lifetime guarantee than not making such plans.
[Hide Full Comment]I just left a relationship because the guy couldn't plan ahead - or make a best guess - about our relationship in the future. He wanted to keep coasting along (his words), not living together, not making any commitment to each other. We're in our mid-50s. He was enthusiastic about our relationship day-to-day, and enjoying our times together, as Babauta recommends doing.....but when it comes to making a life with another person, it isn't as if two houses are going to tiptoe during the night until they are united in commitment bliss. You can't move in together accidentally, or on one day when you both happen to realize - Hey, yay, I suddenly find joy in planning a lifetime together with you! Oh really? Me too, so let's do that today. But tomorrow, well, maybe not. Depends on what I feel like doing. One has to make a decision, one has to make a plan. Planning on being with a special someone for the rest of your life is more of a lifetime guarantee than not making such plans.
[Hide Full Comment]Pure rubbish. And yes, not wanting to have no goals is a goal, plain and simple. This reflects the life od an individual who has no ambition and will see success in anything to justify their behaviours. I'm surprised and even more disppointed this article was actually published by Daily Good.
Most of us are focused on the attainment of our goals, in a
vain attempt to fill our existential vacuum and our moods tend to be
determined by our apparent successes and failures. We strive for money to exist and end up doing
jobs we don’t like, for too long a time and end up losing our connection with
our spiritual nature. We worry too much and
spend a lot of our time thinking of ways to escape our monotony; we fill our
heads with thoughts and deny our feelings, especially the ones that inform us
of the emptiness within. We become human
doings and work harder and longer, to fill our emptiness, with all sorts of
palliatives, but at the same time our dissatisfaction grows and our anxiety
increases.
Goals demand that we stay focused on the future, which will
[Hide Full Comment]keep us from actually enjoying the fruits of our labours, and can become
missions of false hope, in difficult times.
The reality of goal planning is that it won’t go to plan and the harder
we try to force our ideas onto the world and control it, the more resistance we
will face, and the more unhappy we will become.
We need to recognise that most of our goals manifest from our Ego’s need
to be powerful, and the achievement of these goals, is not always dependent on
our planning, resourcefulness and management skills, but on our ability to
adapt to life changes. Goals are a
construction of the mind, which is of a dual nature, so to gain something we
have to lose something else; wholeness manifests when we are able to let go of
all goals and just be with what is, and this is spiritual mastery. - The art of Being Human - John Anderson
The idea of a goal is a desired destination... so is living passionately. They are mutual if indeed they are yours and not someone elses.
Quite wonderful. This could be a life changer. Thank you so much. Nick
I actually combine having goals with doing what I feel like. Many people consider the goal setting process to be tyrannical the way you describe. Perhaps it's better said this way, I have big visions of what I want to create, and what I want my life to be like. And as much as possible I only ever do what I feel like. There is a sense of alignment in that - I am aligned with the flow of life. I have lists, but if I don't feel like doing something I put it on the bottom and eventually it falls off the list.
Now I should say that it took me years to get my work life to a place where I can actually get away with doing that - but it's also the secret of my success. I have two people working for me, part time, doing stuff I don't like but they do. I work for myself at home - not even my husband knows how little I work some days. (When I'm not working, I'm usually dreaming about my vision).
And sometimes I just have to haul myself by the butt and do things I don't wanna do but are necessary for my dreams.
And I have a huge amount of focus and discipline because I'm working on my dream, that helps.
[Hide Full Comment]Very Nice. Great Article. But it is difficult in routine life when you have so much responsibility on yourself, that you do only what you are passionate about. Anyway Thanks for a thought provoking article. :-) Cheers.