Idee omada konkreetseid, saavutatavaid eesmärke näib olevat meie kultuuris sügavalt juurdunud. Ma tean, et elasin eesmärkidega aastaid ja tegelikult on suur osa minu kirjutistest siin zen-harjumuste teemal eesmärkide seadmise ja saavutamise kohta.
Tänapäeval elan aga enamjaolt eesmärkideta. See on täiesti vabastav ja vastupidiselt sellele, mida teile võidi õpetada, ei tähenda see absoluutselt seda, et te lõpetate asjade saavutamise.
See tähendab, et te ei lase end eesmärkidel piirata.
Mõelge sellele levinud arvamusele: "Sa ei jõua kunagi kuhugi, kui te ei tea, kuhu lähete." See tundub nii tavaline, kuid see pole ilmselgelt tõsi, kui selle üle järele mõelda. Tehke lihtne katse: minge välja ja kõndige juhuslikus suunas ning muutke julgelt suunda juhuslikult. 20 minuti, tunni pärast… oled kuskil! Lihtsalt sa ei teadnud, et sa sinna jõuad.
Ja seal on hõõrumine: peate avama oma mõtted, et minna kohtadesse, kuhu te poleks oodanud sattumist. Kui elate eesmärkideta, avastate uut territooriumi. Õpid ootamatuid asju. Satud üllatavatesse kohtadesse. See on selle filosoofia ilu, kuid see on ka keeruline üleminek.
Täna elan ma enamasti ilma eesmärkideta. Aeg-ajalt hakkan endale eesmärki välja mõtlema, aga lasen neil minna. Eesmärkideta elamine pole kunagi olnud minu tegelik eesmärk... see on lihtsalt midagi, mida ma õpin ja mida ma rohkem naudin, mis on uskumatult vabastav, mis toimib koos minu väljakujunenud kirge järgiva elustiiliga.
Probleem eesmärkidega
Varem seadsin aastaks eesmärgi või kolm ja seejärel iga kuu alaeesmärgid. Seejärel mõtleksin välja, milliseid samme teha igal nädalal ja iga päev, ja püüdsin oma päeva nendele sammudele keskenduda.
Kahjuks ei õnnestu see kunagi, mitte kunagi nii korralikult. Te kõik teate seda. Teate, et peate tegutsema konkreetse sammu kallal, ja proovite enda motiveerimiseks pidada silmas lõppeesmärki. Kuid see tegevussamm võib olla midagi, mida te kardate ja seetõttu viivitate. Teete muud tööd või kontrollite e-posti või Facebooki või teete lolli.
Ja nii lükatakse teie nädalaeesmärgid ja kuueesmärgid kõrvale ja teid heidutatakse, kuna teil pole distsipliini. Ja eesmärke on liiga raske saavutada. Mis siis nüüd? Noh, vaatate oma eesmärgid üle ja lähtestage need. Loote uue alaeesmärkide ja tegevuskavade komplekti. Sa tead, kuhu lähed, sest sul on eesmärgid!
Muidugi ei jõua te tegelikult sinna. Mõnikord saavutate eesmärgi ja siis tunnete end suurepäraselt. Kuid enamasti sa neid ei saavuta ja süüdistad selles iseennast.
Siin on saladus: probleem pole sinus, vaid süsteemis! Eesmärgid kui süsteem on seatud ebaõnnestumiseks.
Isegi kui teete asju täpselt õigesti, pole see ideaalne. Siin on põhjus: olete oma tegudes äärmiselt piiratud. Kui sa ei viitsi midagi teha, pead end selleks sundima. Teie tee on valitud, nii et teil pole ruumi uue territooriumi avastamiseks. Peate plaani järgima, isegi kui olete kirglik millegi muu vastu.
Mõned eesmärgisüsteemid on paindlikumad, kuid miski pole nii paindlik kui eesmärkide puudumine.
Kuidas see toimib
Kuidas siis elu ilma eesmärkideta välja näeb? Praktikas on see hoopis teistsugune kui eesmärkidega.
Sa ei sea eesmärki aastaks, kuuks ega nädalaks ega päevaks. Te ei pea kinni jälgimisest ega rakendatavatest sammudest. Te ei vaja isegi ülesannete nimekirja, kuigi soovi korral meeldetuletusi üles kirjutada ei tee paha.
Mida sa siis teed? Lasida terve päeva diivanil, magada ja vaadata televiisorit ja süüa Ho-Host? Ei, sa lihtsalt teed. Leiad midagi, mille vastu oled kirglik, ja tee seda. See, et teil pole eesmärke, ei tähenda, et te midagi ei tee – saate luua, toota, järgida oma kirge.
Ja praktikas on see imeline asi: sa ärkad üles ja teed seda, mille vastu oled kirglik. Minu jaoks on see tavaliselt ajaveebi kirjutamine, kuid see võib olla romaani või e-raamatu või järgmise raamatu kirjutamine või kursuste loomine teiste abistamiseks või uskumatute inimestega ühenduse loomine või naisega aja veetmine või lastega mängimine. Piiranguid pole, sest ma olen vaba.
Lõpuks saavutan tavaliselt rohkem kui siis, kui mul oleks eesmärke, sest teen alati midagi, millest olen põnevil. Kuid see, kas ma saavutan või mitte, pole üldse oluline: oluline on see, et ma teen alati seda, mis mulle meeldib.
Satun kohtadesse, mis on imelised, üllatavad, suurepärased. Ma lihtsalt ei teadnud, kui alustasin, et sinna jõuan.
Kiired küsimused
Küsimus lugejalt: kas eesmärkide puudumine pole eesmärk?
Kiire vastus: see võib olla eesmärk või õppida seda teekonnal täitma, uurides uusi meetodeid. Ma õpin alati uusi asju (nt mul pole eesmärke), ilma et oleksin võtnud eesmärgiks neid õppida.
Veel üks küsimus lugejalt: Kuidas siis elatist teenida?
Vastus: Kirglikult! Jällegi, eesmärkide puudumine ei tähenda, et lõpetaksite asjade tegemise. Tegelikult teen paljusid asju kogu aeg, aga teen neid sellepärast, et mulle meeldib neid teha.
Näpunäiteid eesmärkideta elamiseks
Ma ei anna teile juhendit eesmärkideta elamiseks – see oleks absurdne. Ma ei saa sulle õpetada, mida teha – sa pead leidma oma tee.
Kuid ma võin jagada mõningaid asju, mida olen õppinud, lootuses, et see aitab teid:
- Alusta väikselt. Selleks, et õppida elama ilma eesmärkideta, ei pea te oma elu drastiliselt ümber tegema. Jätkake lihtsalt paar tundi ilma ettemääratud eesmärkide või tegudeta. Järgige oma kirge nende tundide vastu. Isegi tund läheb korda.
- Kasvama. Kui saate selles paremaks, hakake endale lubama pikemat aega vaba olla – pool päeva või terve päev või mitu päeva. Lõpuks tunnete end piisavalt enesekindlana, et loobuda teatud eesmärkidest ja teha lihtsalt seda, mida armastate.
- Mitte ainult töö. Eesmärkidest loobumine toimib igas eluvaldkonnas. Võtke tervis ja sobivus: mul olid varem kindlad treeningueesmärgid, alates kehakaalu või keharasva kaotamisest kuni maratoni jooksmiseni kuni küki suurendamiseni. Enam mitte: nüüd teen seda lihtsalt sellepärast, et mulle meeldib see, ja mul pole aimugi, kuhu see mind viib. See töötab suurepäraselt, sest ma naudin ennast alati.
- Lase plaanidest lahti. Plaanid ei erine tegelikult eesmärkidest. Nad suunavad teid ettemääratud teele. Kuid plaanide järgi elamisest on uskumatult raske lahti lasta, eriti kui oled pedantne planeerija nagu mina. Nii et lubage endal planeerida, kui tunnete, et seda vajate, kuid loobuge sellest harjumusest aeglaselt.
- Ärge muretsege vigade pärast. Kui hakkate eesmärke seadma, on see OK. Sellel teekonnal pole vigu – see on lihtsalt õppimiskogemus. Kui elad ilma eesmärkideta ja ebaõnnestud, küsi endalt, kas see on tõesti ebaõnnestumine. Ebaõnnestunud on ainult siis, kui te ei jõua sinna, kuhu tahtsite – aga kui teil pole sihti meeles, pole ebaõnnestumist.
- Kõik on hästi. Ükskõik millise tee sa ka ei leiaks, kuhu sa ka ei jõuaks, see on ilus. Pole halba teed ega halba sihtkohta. See on ainult erinev ja erinev on imeline. Ärge mõistke kohut, vaid kogege.
Ja lõpuks
Pidage alati meeles: teekond on kõik. Sihtkoht on punkti kõrval.
"Heal reisijal pole kindlaid plaane ja ta ei kavatse saabuda." ~ Lao Tzu
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As John Lennon once said in a song, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."
Set goals but do not let them abandon you. Approach one goal at a time then take some time off, start from the smallest goal then go to the next one and so on. Appreciate the time having goals and enjoy the time without goals.
We can't just let the goals all the time, in life there are some critical seconds which we need to plane and set goals. The thing is we need to have a balance between our focus and our vision. Focus on the goals you have set and have the broad vision of all aspects to make you feel happy and stay relaxed.
Interesting! And well written! Live purposefully and allow purpose to manifest and in giving free time to explore adds to this journey. This article raises great point that if we are boggged down by mindful presets then we can not truly acheive the path of our own successes. Do what you love and you'll love what you are doing! And at a point if this does seem unattainable.. ask why and how and when can it occur. Dont give up or in!
To me, goals and planning are a means to an end and that feels limiting , "in the box" so to speak. For me, that is contrary to being in the "NOW". My heaven is definitely in the journey!
Wonderfull article. I discovered few years ago this way of life, without knowing it, by visiting London alone. And this allows me to discover some superbe hidden area of the city and also to meet very intersting people. It was the best city treap of my life. And now after reading the article and what I know, I understand what makes the difference. I can understand that: letting go your goals, observing by feeling your sensations, make it easy to connect to the intelligence of the universe. And this allows you to be in the right place at the right time.
I have been at the receiving end of life from the last 3-4 years. I dont know what I like, what I want to do and where I want to reach. I have been working with myself. At one end I am okay with having no predetermined goals in life, but on the other end it becomes too much to handle psychologically. I feel I am lost. At 38 years of age, it feels that I have done or achieved anything.
But slowly I am also becoming clear that there can be life beyond goals, objectives and plans. And many a times I work and live without a goal. And I do "what I want to do" rather than "What I have to do" and even if it is only an hour it gives immense pleasure. It gives me pleasure as I feel I grew to the next maturity level in that one hour.
Thanks for writing on this and I would like to continue this dialogue with you.
Leo, you remind
me of Carl Whittaker who said his theory of how to do therapy is to have no
theory at all. Well, that's a theory. I do see your goal is to have no goals. I
think that's better than having goals in the way you describe. You give a great
description of goal setting can be so frustrating. The problem isn't goals,
it's attachment to goals. Attachment causes suffering. So make all the goals
you want, even a goal of having no goals, just don't attach any feelings of self-worth
or happiness to them. How's that for a goal?
Eddie Reece,
MS, LPC
Leo, you remind
me of Carl Whittaker who said his theory of how to do therapy is to have no
theory at all. Well, that's a theory. I do see your goal is to have no goals. I
think that's better than having goals in the way you describe. You give a great
description of goal setting can be so frustrating. The problem isn't goals,
it's attachment to goals. Attachment causes suffering. So make all the goals
you want, even a goal of having no goals, just don't attach any feelings of self-worth
or happiness to them. How's that for a goal?
Eddie Reece,
MS, LPC
People should not blame Daily Good for posting this article. That's life! Life is about discovery and invention of now things; life styles, methods of dealing with problems, etc.
They did good to present that for public consumption, giving a free platform for people like me to comprehend and either take or reject. To me, i have a multitude of lessons i have tapped from the article and it will go along way to informing my decisions and the way i do things.
Never make life a monotony, it will in the end bore you. You will hate yourself, the people around you and the things that you use.
Thanks Daily Good for always being good!
Thanks for the article, the tutorial- You have taught me a new and workable channel of life. Ahmed
I just left a relationship because the guy couldn't plan ahead - or make a best guess - about our relationship in the future. He wanted to keep coasting along (his words), not living together, not making any commitment to each other. We're in our mid-50s. He was enthusiastic about our relationship day-to-day, and enjoying our times together, as Babauta recommends doing.....but when it comes to making a life with another person, it isn't as if two houses are going to tiptoe during the night until they are united in commitment bliss. You can't move in together accidentally, or on one day when you both happen to realize - "Hey, yay, I suddenly find joy in planning a lifetime together with you! Oh really? Me too, so let's do that today. But tomorrow, well, maybe not. Depends on what I feel like doing." One has to make a decision, one has to make a plan. Planning on being with a special someone for the rest of your life is more of a lifetime guarantee than not making such plans.
[Hide Full Comment]I just left a relationship because the guy couldn't plan ahead - or make a best guess - about our relationship in the future. He wanted to keep coasting along (his words), not living together, not making any commitment to each other. We're in our mid-50s. He was enthusiastic about our relationship day-to-day, and enjoying our times together, as Babauta recommends doing.....but when it comes to making a life with another person, it isn't as if two houses are going to tiptoe during the night until they are united in commitment bliss. You can't move in together accidentally, or on one day when you both happen to realize - Hey, yay, I suddenly find joy in planning a lifetime together with you! Oh really? Me too, so let's do that today. But tomorrow, well, maybe not. Depends on what I feel like doing. One has to make a decision, one has to make a plan. Planning on being with a special someone for the rest of your life is more of a lifetime guarantee than not making such plans.
[Hide Full Comment]Pure rubbish. And yes, not wanting to have no goals is a goal, plain and simple. This reflects the life od an individual who has no ambition and will see success in anything to justify their behaviours. I'm surprised and even more disppointed this article was actually published by Daily Good.
Most of us are focused on the attainment of our goals, in a
vain attempt to fill our existential vacuum and our moods tend to be
determined by our apparent successes and failures. We strive for money to exist and end up doing
jobs we don’t like, for too long a time and end up losing our connection with
our spiritual nature. We worry too much and
spend a lot of our time thinking of ways to escape our monotony; we fill our
heads with thoughts and deny our feelings, especially the ones that inform us
of the emptiness within. We become human
doings and work harder and longer, to fill our emptiness, with all sorts of
palliatives, but at the same time our dissatisfaction grows and our anxiety
increases.
Goals demand that we stay focused on the future, which will
[Hide Full Comment]keep us from actually enjoying the fruits of our labours, and can become
missions of false hope, in difficult times.
The reality of goal planning is that it won’t go to plan and the harder
we try to force our ideas onto the world and control it, the more resistance we
will face, and the more unhappy we will become.
We need to recognise that most of our goals manifest from our Ego’s need
to be powerful, and the achievement of these goals, is not always dependent on
our planning, resourcefulness and management skills, but on our ability to
adapt to life changes. Goals are a
construction of the mind, which is of a dual nature, so to gain something we
have to lose something else; wholeness manifests when we are able to let go of
all goals and just be with what is, and this is spiritual mastery. - The art of Being Human - John Anderson
The idea of a goal is a desired destination... so is living passionately. They are mutual if indeed they are yours and not someone elses.
Quite wonderful. This could be a life changer. Thank you so much. Nick
I actually combine having goals with doing what I feel like. Many people consider the goal setting process to be tyrannical the way you describe. Perhaps it's better said this way, I have big visions of what I want to create, and what I want my life to be like. And as much as possible I only ever do what I feel like. There is a sense of alignment in that - I am aligned with the flow of life. I have lists, but if I don't feel like doing something I put it on the bottom and eventually it falls off the list.
Now I should say that it took me years to get my work life to a place where I can actually get away with doing that - but it's also the secret of my success. I have two people working for me, part time, doing stuff I don't like but they do. I work for myself at home - not even my husband knows how little I work some days. (When I'm not working, I'm usually dreaming about my vision).
And sometimes I just have to haul myself by the butt and do things I don't wanna do but are necessary for my dreams.
And I have a huge amount of focus and discipline because I'm working on my dream, that helps.
[Hide Full Comment]Very Nice. Great Article. But it is difficult in routine life when you have so much responsibility on yourself, that you do only what you are passionate about. Anyway Thanks for a thought provoking article. :-) Cheers.