Badirudi helburu zehatzak eta lorgarriak izateko ideia gure kulturan oso errotuta dagoela. Badakit urte askotan helburuekin bizi izan nuela, eta, hain zuzen ere, hemen Zen Ohiturei buruzko nire idatzien zati handi bat helburuak nola ezarri eta nola lortu buruzkoa da.
Egun, ordea, helbururik gabe bizi naiz, gehienetan. Erabat askatzailea da, eta irakatsi zitzaizkizunaren aurka, ez du esan nahi gauzak lortzeari uzten diozuna.
Helburuak mugatzen uzteari uzten diozula esan nahi du.
Kontuan izan ohiko sinesmen hau: "Inoiz ez zara inora iritsiko nora zoazen jakin ezean". Honek oso zentzuzkoa dirudi, eta, hala ere, ez da egia hori pentsatzen gelditzen bazara. Egin esperimentu sinple bat: atera kalera eta ibili ausazko norabide batean, eta sentitu libre norabideak ausaz aldatzeko. 20 minutu igaro ondoren, ordubete… nonbait egongo zara! Besterik da, ez zenekien hor amaituko zenik.
Eta hor dago kontua: inoiz espero ez zenituen tokietara ireki behar duzu burua. Helbururik gabe bizi bazara, lurralde berriak arakatuko dituzu. Ezusteko gauza batzuk ikasiko dituzu. Leku harrigarrietan amaituko duzu. Hori da filosofia honen edertasuna, baina trantsizio zaila ere bada.
Gaur egun, gehienbat helbururik gabe bizi naiz. Tarteka gol bat ekartzen hasten naiz, baina uzten ari naiz. Helbururik gabe bizitzea ez da inoiz nire benetako helburua izan... ikasten ari naizen zerbait da, gehiago gozatzen dudana, izugarri askatzailea dena, garatu dudan pasioa jarraitzeko bizimoduarekin funtzionatzen duena.
Golen arazoa
Iraganean, urterako helburu bat edo hiru ezartzen nituen, eta, ondoren, hilabete bakoitzeko azpi-helburuak. Ondoren, astero eta egun bakoitzean zein ekintza-urrats egin behar diren asmatuko nuke, eta nire eguna urrats horietan zentratzen saiatuko nintzen.
Zoritxarrez, ez da inoiz, inoiz, ondo funtzionatzen. Denok dakizue hau. Badakizu ekintza-urrats bat landu behar duzula, eta azken helburua gogoan izaten saiatzen zara zeure burua motibatzeko. Baina ekintza-urrats hau beldurtzen zaizun zerbait izan daiteke eta, beraz, atzeratu egiten duzu. Beste lan batzuk egiten dituzu, edo posta elektronikoa edo Facebook-a egiaztatzen duzu, edo zoratuta zaude.
Eta, beraz, zure asteko helburuak eta hileko helburuak atzera edo albo batera uzten dira, eta desanimatu egiten zara diziplinarik ez duzulako. Eta helburuak oso zailak dira lortzea. Beraz, orain zer? Beno, zure helburuak berrikusi eta berrezartzen dituzu. Azpi-helburu eta ekintza-plan multzo berri bat sortzen duzu. Badakizu nora zoazen, helburuak dituzu eta!
Noski, ez duzu azkenean iristen. Batzuetan helburua lortzen duzu eta orduan harrigarria sentitzen zara. Baina gehienetan ez dituzu lortzen eta zeure buruari egozten diozu errua.
Hona sekretua: arazoa ez zara zu, sistema baizik! Helburuak sistema gisa ezartzen dira porroterako.
Gauzak ondo egiten dituzunean ere, ez da ideala. Hona zergatik: oso mugatuta zaude zure ekintzetan. Zerbait egiteko gogorik ez duzunean, behartu egin behar duzu zeure burua. Zure bidea aukeratuta dago, beraz, ez duzu lurralde berria esploratzeko lekurik. Planari jarraitu behar diozu, nahiz eta beste zerbaitengatik gogotsu zaudenean.
Helburu-sistema batzuk malguagoak dira, baina ezer ez da helbururik ez izatea bezain malgua.
Nola funtzionatzen duen
Beraz, nolakoa da helbururik gabeko bizitza? Praktikan, helburuak dituena baino oso ezberdina da.
Ez duzu urterako, ez hilabeterako, ez asterako edo eguneko helbururik jartzen. Ez zara obsesionatzen jarraipenarekin, edo ekintza egin daitezkeen urratsekin. Egiteko zerrendarik ere ez duzu behar, nahiz eta nahi izanez gero abisuak idazteak kalterik ez duen.
Zer egiten duzu, bada? Egun osoan etzanda sofan, lo eta telebista ikusten eta Ho-Hos jaten? Ez, besterik gabe egiten duzu. Gustatzen zaizun zerbait aurkitzen duzu, eta egiten duzu. Helbururik ez izateak ez du esan nahi ezer egiten ez duzunik: sortu dezakezu, ekoitzi dezakezu, zure pasioa jarraitu dezakezu.
Eta praktikan, gauza zoragarria da: esnatzen zara eta pasioa duzuna egiten duzu. Niretzat, normalean, hori bloga egitea izan daiteke, baina eleberri bat edo liburu elektroniko bat edo nire hurrengo liburua idaztea izan daiteke edo besteei laguntzeko ikastaro bat sortzea edo jende ikaragarriekin konektatzea edo nire emaztearekin denbora pasatzea edo nire seme-alabekin jolasten. Ez dago mugarik, libre naizelako.
Azkenean, normalean, helburuak izango banu baino gehiago lortzen izaten dut, beti hunkituta nagoen zerbait egiten ari naizelako. Baina lortzen dudan ala ez ez da batere kontua: axola duena da maite dudana egiten ari naizela, beti.
Zoragarriak, harrigarriak, bikainak diren lekuetan bukatzen dut. Hasi nintzenean ez nekien hara iritsiko nintzenik.
Galdera azkarrak
Irakurle baten galdera: Helbururik ez izatea ez al da helburu bat?
Erantzun azkarra: helburu bat izan daiteke, edo bidaian zehar hori egiten ikas dezakezu, metodo berriak aztertuz. Beti ari naiz ikasten gauza berriak (helbururik ez edukitzea adibidez), horiek ikastera abiatu gabe.
Irakurle baten beste galdera bat: Beraz, nola ateratzen zara bizimodua?
Erantzuna: Sutsuki! Berriz ere, helbururik ez izateak ez du esan nahi gauzak egiteari uzten diozuna. Izan ere, gauza asko egiten ditut, denbora guztian, baina egitea gustatzen zaidalako egiten ditut.
Helbururik gabe bizitzeko aholkuak
Ez dizut emango helbururik gabe bizitzeko eskulibururik; hori zentzugabea litzateke. Ezin dizut irakatsi zer egin, zure bidea aurkitu behar duzu.
Baina ikasi ditudan gauza batzuk parteka ditzaket, lagungarri izango zaizkizun esperantzarekin:
- Hasi txiki. Ez duzu zure bizitza erabat berritu behar helbururik gabe bizitzen ikasteko. Joan ordu batzuk aurrez zehaztutako helburu edo ekintzarik gabe. Jarraitu zure pasioa ordu horietarako. Ordubete ere balioko du.
- Hazi. Hobetzen zaren heinean, hasi zure burua aske izaten denbora luzeagoetan: egun erdi batean edo egun oso batean edo hainbat egunetan. Azkenean, nahikoa ziur sentituko zara helburu batzuei uko egiteko eta maite duzuna egiteko.
- Ez bakarrik lana. Helburuei uko egiteak zure bizitzako edozein arlotan balio du. Hartu osasuna eta sasoia: fitness helburu zehatzak izaten nituen, pisua edo gorputz-koipea galtzen hasi eta maratoi bat korritzera arte squat-a handitu arte. Jada ez: orain maite dudalako egiten dut, eta ez dakit nora eramango nauen. Bikain funtzionatzen du, beti disfrutatzen dudalako.
- Utzi planak. Planak ez dira benetan helburuak baino desberdinak. Aurrez zehaztutako bide batean jartzen zaituzte. Baina izugarri zaila da planekin bizitzeari uztea, batez ere ni bezalako planifikatzaile zorrotza bazara. Beraz, baimendu zeure buruari plangintza egiten, behar duzula sentitzen duzunean, baina poliki-poliki ohitura hau alde batera uzten baduzu.
- Ez kezkatu akatsengatik. Helburuak ezartzen hasten bazara, ondo dago. Bidaia honetan ez dago akatsik; ikaskuntza esperientzia bat besterik ez da. Helbururik gabe bizi bazara eta huts egiten amaitzen baduzu, galdetu zeure buruari benetan porrota den. Huts egiten duzu joan nahi zenuen lekura iristen ez bazara, baina helmugarik buruan ez baduzu, ez dago hutsik.
- Dena ona da. Zein bide aurkitzen duzun, nondik nora iritsi, ederra da. Ez dago bide txarrik, ez helmuga txarrik. Ezberdina baino ez da, eta ezberdina zoragarria da. Ez epaitu, esperientzia baizik.
Eta azkenik
Gogoratu beti: bidaia dena da. Helmuga puntuaren ondoan dago.
«Bidaiari on batek ez du plan finkorik, eta ez du iristeko asmorik». ~Lao Tzu
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As John Lennon once said in a song, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."
Set goals but do not let them abandon you. Approach one goal at a time then take some time off, start from the smallest goal then go to the next one and so on. Appreciate the time having goals and enjoy the time without goals.
We can't just let the goals all the time, in life there are some critical seconds which we need to plane and set goals. The thing is we need to have a balance between our focus and our vision. Focus on the goals you have set and have the broad vision of all aspects to make you feel happy and stay relaxed.
Interesting! And well written! Live purposefully and allow purpose to manifest and in giving free time to explore adds to this journey. This article raises great point that if we are boggged down by mindful presets then we can not truly acheive the path of our own successes. Do what you love and you'll love what you are doing! And at a point if this does seem unattainable.. ask why and how and when can it occur. Dont give up or in!
To me, goals and planning are a means to an end and that feels limiting , "in the box" so to speak. For me, that is contrary to being in the "NOW". My heaven is definitely in the journey!
Wonderfull article. I discovered few years ago this way of life, without knowing it, by visiting London alone. And this allows me to discover some superbe hidden area of the city and also to meet very intersting people. It was the best city treap of my life. And now after reading the article and what I know, I understand what makes the difference. I can understand that: letting go your goals, observing by feeling your sensations, make it easy to connect to the intelligence of the universe. And this allows you to be in the right place at the right time.
I have been at the receiving end of life from the last 3-4 years. I dont know what I like, what I want to do and where I want to reach. I have been working with myself. At one end I am okay with having no predetermined goals in life, but on the other end it becomes too much to handle psychologically. I feel I am lost. At 38 years of age, it feels that I have done or achieved anything.
But slowly I am also becoming clear that there can be life beyond goals, objectives and plans. And many a times I work and live without a goal. And I do "what I want to do" rather than "What I have to do" and even if it is only an hour it gives immense pleasure. It gives me pleasure as I feel I grew to the next maturity level in that one hour.
Thanks for writing on this and I would like to continue this dialogue with you.
Leo, you remind
me of Carl Whittaker who said his theory of how to do therapy is to have no
theory at all. Well, that's a theory. I do see your goal is to have no goals. I
think that's better than having goals in the way you describe. You give a great
description of goal setting can be so frustrating. The problem isn't goals,
it's attachment to goals. Attachment causes suffering. So make all the goals
you want, even a goal of having no goals, just don't attach any feelings of self-worth
or happiness to them. How's that for a goal?
Eddie Reece,
MS, LPC
Leo, you remind
me of Carl Whittaker who said his theory of how to do therapy is to have no
theory at all. Well, that's a theory. I do see your goal is to have no goals. I
think that's better than having goals in the way you describe. You give a great
description of goal setting can be so frustrating. The problem isn't goals,
it's attachment to goals. Attachment causes suffering. So make all the goals
you want, even a goal of having no goals, just don't attach any feelings of self-worth
or happiness to them. How's that for a goal?
Eddie Reece,
MS, LPC
People should not blame Daily Good for posting this article. That's life! Life is about discovery and invention of now things; life styles, methods of dealing with problems, etc.
They did good to present that for public consumption, giving a free platform for people like me to comprehend and either take or reject. To me, i have a multitude of lessons i have tapped from the article and it will go along way to informing my decisions and the way i do things.
Never make life a monotony, it will in the end bore you. You will hate yourself, the people around you and the things that you use.
Thanks Daily Good for always being good!
Thanks for the article, the tutorial- You have taught me a new and workable channel of life. Ahmed
I just left a relationship because the guy couldn't plan ahead - or make a best guess - about our relationship in the future. He wanted to keep coasting along (his words), not living together, not making any commitment to each other. We're in our mid-50s. He was enthusiastic about our relationship day-to-day, and enjoying our times together, as Babauta recommends doing.....but when it comes to making a life with another person, it isn't as if two houses are going to tiptoe during the night until they are united in commitment bliss. You can't move in together accidentally, or on one day when you both happen to realize - "Hey, yay, I suddenly find joy in planning a lifetime together with you! Oh really? Me too, so let's do that today. But tomorrow, well, maybe not. Depends on what I feel like doing." One has to make a decision, one has to make a plan. Planning on being with a special someone for the rest of your life is more of a lifetime guarantee than not making such plans.
[Hide Full Comment]I just left a relationship because the guy couldn't plan ahead - or make a best guess - about our relationship in the future. He wanted to keep coasting along (his words), not living together, not making any commitment to each other. We're in our mid-50s. He was enthusiastic about our relationship day-to-day, and enjoying our times together, as Babauta recommends doing.....but when it comes to making a life with another person, it isn't as if two houses are going to tiptoe during the night until they are united in commitment bliss. You can't move in together accidentally, or on one day when you both happen to realize - Hey, yay, I suddenly find joy in planning a lifetime together with you! Oh really? Me too, so let's do that today. But tomorrow, well, maybe not. Depends on what I feel like doing. One has to make a decision, one has to make a plan. Planning on being with a special someone for the rest of your life is more of a lifetime guarantee than not making such plans.
[Hide Full Comment]Pure rubbish. And yes, not wanting to have no goals is a goal, plain and simple. This reflects the life od an individual who has no ambition and will see success in anything to justify their behaviours. I'm surprised and even more disppointed this article was actually published by Daily Good.
Most of us are focused on the attainment of our goals, in a
vain attempt to fill our existential vacuum and our moods tend to be
determined by our apparent successes and failures. We strive for money to exist and end up doing
jobs we don’t like, for too long a time and end up losing our connection with
our spiritual nature. We worry too much and
spend a lot of our time thinking of ways to escape our monotony; we fill our
heads with thoughts and deny our feelings, especially the ones that inform us
of the emptiness within. We become human
doings and work harder and longer, to fill our emptiness, with all sorts of
palliatives, but at the same time our dissatisfaction grows and our anxiety
increases.
Goals demand that we stay focused on the future, which will
[Hide Full Comment]keep us from actually enjoying the fruits of our labours, and can become
missions of false hope, in difficult times.
The reality of goal planning is that it won’t go to plan and the harder
we try to force our ideas onto the world and control it, the more resistance we
will face, and the more unhappy we will become.
We need to recognise that most of our goals manifest from our Ego’s need
to be powerful, and the achievement of these goals, is not always dependent on
our planning, resourcefulness and management skills, but on our ability to
adapt to life changes. Goals are a
construction of the mind, which is of a dual nature, so to gain something we
have to lose something else; wholeness manifests when we are able to let go of
all goals and just be with what is, and this is spiritual mastery. - The art of Being Human - John Anderson
The idea of a goal is a desired destination... so is living passionately. They are mutual if indeed they are yours and not someone elses.
Quite wonderful. This could be a life changer. Thank you so much. Nick
I actually combine having goals with doing what I feel like. Many people consider the goal setting process to be tyrannical the way you describe. Perhaps it's better said this way, I have big visions of what I want to create, and what I want my life to be like. And as much as possible I only ever do what I feel like. There is a sense of alignment in that - I am aligned with the flow of life. I have lists, but if I don't feel like doing something I put it on the bottom and eventually it falls off the list.
Now I should say that it took me years to get my work life to a place where I can actually get away with doing that - but it's also the secret of my success. I have two people working for me, part time, doing stuff I don't like but they do. I work for myself at home - not even my husband knows how little I work some days. (When I'm not working, I'm usually dreaming about my vision).
And sometimes I just have to haul myself by the butt and do things I don't wanna do but are necessary for my dreams.
And I have a huge amount of focus and discipline because I'm working on my dream, that helps.
[Hide Full Comment]Very Nice. Great Article. But it is difficult in routine life when you have so much responsibility on yourself, that you do only what you are passionate about. Anyway Thanks for a thought provoking article. :-) Cheers.