多年前，我听过多萝西·戴的演讲。她是天主教工人运动的创始人，长期生活在纽约下东区的贫民区，这使她成为我的偶像之一。因此，当她在演讲中突然开始谈论“忘恩负义的穷人”时，我感到非常震惊。我一直不明白，如此轻蔑的话语怎会出自一位圣人的口中——直到它像禅宗公案般直击我的内心。多萝西·戴说：“不要指望施舍穷人就能得到他们的感激，从而自我感觉良好。如果你这样想，你的施舍就会显得苍白无力，转瞬即逝，而这并非穷人所需要的；只会让他们更加贫困。只有当你确实有东西必须给予时才去施舍；只有当你认为施舍本身就是一种奖赏时才去施舍。”
当我给予自己并不拥有的东西时，我给予的是一份虚假而危险的礼物，一份看似爱实则缺乏爱的礼物——一份更多出于我证明自身价值而非他人需要关怀的礼物。这种给予不仅缺乏爱与信任，更基于一种傲慢而错误的观念：上帝除了通过我之外，别无他法将爱传递给他人。诚然，我们生来就属于社群，为了彼此相爱，彼此扶持。但社群是一把双刃剑：当我们爱的能力达到极限时，社群意味着信任他人，相信总会有人伸出援手，帮助那些需要帮助的人。
我以高尚之名违背自身本性的一个迹象就是倦怠。虽然通常认为倦怠是付出过多的结果，但就我的经验而言，倦怠源于试图付出我所不拥有的东西——这才是付出太少的极致！倦怠的确是一种空虚的状态，但它并非源于我倾尽所有；它仅仅揭示了我最初试图付出的那份虚无。
梅·萨顿在她的诗歌《现在我成为我自己》中，运用自然界的意象来描述一种不同的给予方式，这种方式根植于一种不同的存在方式，这种方式不会导致精疲力竭，而是会带来丰饶和富足：
就像果实慢慢成熟一样。
肥沃、疏离、总是精疲力竭
根系虽衰却不枯竭……
当我给予他人的礼物与我的本性浑然一体，源自我内心深处的自然真实时，它会自我更新——也会更新我——即便在我赠予的那一刻。只有当我给予那些并非源于我内心的东西时，我才会耗尽自身，也会伤害他人，因为强加的、不自然的、不真实的礼物只会带来伤害。
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I just plain love this site. The news is so odious at the moment, this site is a gentle reminder that I don't have to allow myself to get sucked in to the latest drama. Parker's work is so welcome. It leads me into a deeper way of being in the world, and the reality is that I don't drive the bus (metaphorically speaking).
Much gratitude
Hmmm... Not sure whether giving can be as black and white. A person who is giving what he does not posses could also be doing it from a state of desperateness because no one else is stepping up. And that act of foolhardiness could inspire many others to notice the need of the hour and respond. Also, a lot of creativity gushes out when a person who does not have much steps up to meet someone's need. Compassion, by itself, is a great wealth that everyone has access to. To dare to empty oneself in face of a compelling need, even at the cost of a complete burnout could be seen as the person "spending" his compassion capital. I know I am not making a clear case but intuitively it feels like giving has so many nuances that need to be honored.