El rebuig és dur, no importa com el tallis. Però també és un fet ineludible de la vida, i la nostra capacitat d'afrontar el fracàs i el rebuig influeix en determinar l'èxit i la felicitat que tenim.
La felicitat no és el contrari de la depressió; la resiliència ho és, segons el psicòleg Peter Kramer . Penseu en les persones que més admires: moltes d'elles no van arribar on són només navegant per la vida sense experiències negatives o fracassos. La majoria d'ells es van distingir per la seva capacitat de recuperar-se cada vegada que cauen, un truisme reflectit en innombrables cites inspiradores sobre el poder de la perseverança (en paraules de Winston Churchill, "És el coratge de continuar el que compta").
Llavors, com es diferencien les persones resilients de les que es paralitzen per cada fracàs i contratemps?
Aquí teniu set hàbits de persones altament resilients i maneres de millorar la vostra pròpia capacitat per fer front als reptes.
Experimenten plenament emocions tant positives com negatives.
Construir resiliència no es tracta d'optimisme cec. En lloc de mirar només el costat brillant i allunyar les emocions negatives, les persones resilients es deixen experimentar el que senten en qualsevol situació donada, ja sigui bona o dolenta, segons l'autora de Positivity Barbara Fredrickson.
"La persona resilient no està empaperant les emocions negatives, sinó que les deixa seure al costat d'altres sentiments", va dir Fredrickson a Experience Life . "Així que al mateix temps senten 'Estic trist per això', també són propensos a pensar, 'però estic agraït per això'".
Són realistament optimistes.
Un estudi recent de la Universitat Nacional de Taiwan va trobar que adoptar una actitud d'"optimisme realista", que combina la perspectiva positiva dels optimistes amb el pensament crític dels pessimistes, pot augmentar la felicitat i la resiliència.
"Cada vegada que [els optimistes realistes] s'enfronten a un problema, un repte o un problema, no diuen:" No tinc opció i això és l'únic que puc fer ", va dir la investigadora Sophia Chou a LiveScience . “Seran creatius, tindran un pla A, un pla B i un pla C”.
"Rebutgen el rebuig".
El rebuig elimina la nostra autoestima i la nostra confiança, fent-nos caure més dur amb cada retrocés o fracàs posterior, va dir Elaine Dundon, fundadora del grup d'innovació, a la seva xerrada TED sobre el tema , i va afegir: "El rebuig també ens roba l'alegria".
Però el rebuig és inevitable, i fer-hi front de manera eficaç és essencial per ser resilients. Tal com diu el blogger de HuffPost Alex Pattakos, triar rebutjar el rebuig pot garantir que "no et converteixis en presoner dels teus propis pensaments".
"És important entendre que tothom està en un 'espai' diferent i, en alguns casos, sigui el que digui o faci, sempre et rebutjarà a tu o les teves idees", diu Pattakos , explicant que prendre aquesta mentalitat t'ajuda a no prendre't el rebuig personalment.
Construeixen sistemes de suport forts.
Quan et toquen amb força, és important tenir els recursos per ajudar-te a recuperar-te, cosa que inclou tenir gent en què recolzar-te. Un estudi del 2007 va trobar que el suport social pot augmentar la resiliència a l'estrès.
Noten (i aprecien) les petites coses positives.
Les persones resilients són bones per aprofitar la seva "ràtio de positivitat", segons Fredrickson . Això vol dir que noten i aprecien les petites alegries i victòries, cosa que els impedeix sentir que "tot" va malament. La seva investigació ha demostrat que una proporció de tres a un d'experiències positives i negatives és ideal per construir resiliència i augmentar la felicitat.
Busquen oportunitats de creixement i aprenentatge.
Les persones resilients busquen experiències de creixement que augmentin l'autosuficiència i les habilitats de presa de decisions individuals, la qual cosa els dóna confiança en la seva capacitat per recuperar-se del fracàs.
"A mesura que augmenta el sentit de la competència, els individus són més capaços de respondre eficaçment en situacions desconegudes o desafiants i perseverar davant dels fracassos i els reptes", escriuen Kathleen M. Sutcliffe i Timothy J. Vogus a Organizing for Resilience.
Els que han dominat l'art de la resiliència saben que els contratemps i els reptes poden ser les nostres oportunitats d'aprenentatge més poderoses. Algunes de lespersones amb més èxit del món han estat acomiadats de la seva feina i han utilitzat l'experiència per aprendre alguna cosa sobre elles mateixes.
"Vaig treballar per a l'American Harper's Bazaar... Em van acomiadar",va dir una vegada Anna Wintour . "Us recomano que tots us acomiadin, és una gran experiència d'aprenentatge".
Estan infinitament agraïts.
Se sap que la gratitud augmenta la salut i el benestar , i els que estan agraïts poden gaudir d'una millor salut física i estat d'ànim que els que se centren en molèsties i queixes.
"Em vaig agrair quan em van acomiadar", va explicar Sallie Krawcheck, antigament una de les executives més poderoses de Wall Street, a la conferència de dones de The Huffington Post, "The Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money and Power". "Vaig dir: 'Quanta gent és acomiadada i està a la portada de The Wall Street Journal?'"
Krawcheck diu que la gratitud no només la va ajudar a afrontar l'acomiadament, sinó que també l'ajuda a mantenir l'estrès quotidià de la vida en la seva perspectiva adequada.
"Com puc superar-ho tot?" va dir en Krawcheck. "Estic infinitament agraït".
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Agreed, this article is high in fluffy feel-good pap. It's the sort of thing that can be agreed to when a person is feeling pretty good, but if I were in the midst of a period of depression, I'd find most of this article useless, annoying and/or insulting.
Article has some good stuff, but misses some points:
1. Some "Depression" is a genetically-inherited (familial) brain imbalance issue. For that minority of people, telling them to Be Resilient is worse than useless, it's heartless.
2. Other "Depression" is the result of childhood "faulty programming" -- either neglect or abuse by people who should never, ever have been parents. Most people don't just "cheer up" and walk away from 18 or so years or horrendous "training." They need years of emotional AND spiritual work, to unravel the ways in which THEIR brains were (yes physically) mis-formed by worse than bad treatment. Even "normally" incompetent parenting (50%?) can do this to some extent. So, JUST "being resilient" for this larger minority is only ONE Of several necessary ingredients.
3. A third unnamed source of "Depression" is an actual, horrendous real-time loss (death of a beloved spouse, of a child, other Big Time loss). In this case the ONLY remedy for THAT kind of depression (which is actually GRIEF), is active, dive-right-in GRIEVING. For that I would offer: "suffering" (depression) is a passive refusal to face monumental loss, whereas "grieving" means continually hitting the pinata of one's grief with a loving stick.
It may be glib to notice a correlation between those who are "resilient" and/or have learned the profoundly powerful art of being Grateful -- and those who are not Depressed, but the three points above are sorely missing in the article -- but hopefully not in the professional repertoire of its psychologist-author.
[Hide Full Comment]You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
[Hide Full Comment]say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If
we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months, according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
[Hide Full Comment]Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal, but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
It's really inspiring!
Agreed! I liked the realistically optimist description! that's me to a "T" :) Gratitude and enjoying the little things goes a long long way in helping one remain resilient. thanks for another uplifting article! YOU keep Me resilient! HUG