Afvisning er grov, uanset hvordan du skærer den. Men det er også en uundgåelig kendsgerning i livet, og vores evne til at håndtere fiasko og afvisning er med til at bestemme, hvor succesrige og lykkelige vi er.
Lykke er ikke det modsatte af depression - robusthed er det ifølge psykolog Peter Kramer . Tænk på de mennesker, du beundrer mest - mange af dem nåede ikke hvor de er, bare ved at sejle gennem livet uden negative oplevelser eller fiaskoer. De fleste af dem udmærkede sig ved deres evne til at komme helt op igen, hver gang de falder, en truisme, der afspejles i utallige inspirerende citater om udholdenhedens kraft (med Winston Churchills ord: "Det er modet til at fortsætte, der tæller").
Så hvordan adskiller modstandsdygtige mennesker sig fra dem, der bliver lammet af enhver fiasko og tilbageslag?
Her er syv vaner hos meget modstandsdygtige mennesker - og måder, hvorpå du kan forbedre din egen evne til at klare udfordringer.
De oplever fuldt ud både positive og negative følelser.
Opbygning af modstandsdygtighed handler ikke om blind optimisme. I stedet for kun at se på den lyse side og skubbe negative følelser væk, lader modstandsdygtige mennesker sig selv opleve, hvad de føler i enhver given situation, uanset om det er godt eller dårligt, ifølge positivitetsforfatteren Barbara Fredrickson.
"Den modstandsdygtige person tager ikke papir på de negative følelser, men lader dem i stedet sidde side om side med andre følelser," fortalte Fredrickson til Experience Life . "Så på samme tid føler de 'jeg er ked af det', de er også tilbøjelige til at tænke, 'men jeg er taknemmelig for det her'."
De er realistisk optimistiske.
En nylig undersøgelse fra Taiwan National University viste, at en holdning af "realistisk optimisme", som kombinerer optimisternes positive syn med pessimisters kritiske tænkning, kan øge lykke og modstandskraft.
"Hver gang [realistiske optimister] står over for et problem eller en udfordring eller et problem, vil de ikke sige 'Jeg har ikke noget valg, og dette er det eneste, jeg kan gøre'," fortalte forsker Sophia Chou WordsSideKick.com . "De vil være kreative, de vil have en plan A, plan B og plan C."
De "afviser afvisning."
Afvisning ødelægger vores selvværd og selvtillid, hvilket får os til at falde hårdere for hvert efterfølgende tilbageslag eller fiasko, sagde Elaine Dundon, grundlæggeren af innovationsgruppen, i sin TED Talk om emnet og tilføjede: "Afvisning stjæler også vores glæde."
Men afvisning er uundgåelig, og at klare det effektivt er afgørende for at blive robust. Som HuffPost-blogger Alex Pattakos udtrykker det, kan valget af at afvise afvisning sikre, at "du ikke bliver en fange af dine egne tanker."
"Det er vigtigt at forstå, at alle er i et andet 'rum', og i nogle tilfælde, uanset hvad du siger eller gør, vil de altid afvise dig eller dine ideer," siger Pattakos og forklarer, at at tage denne tankegang hjælper dig til ikke at tage afvisningen personligt.
De bygger stærke støttesystemer.
Når du bliver slået hårdt ned, er det vigtigt at have ressourcerne til at hjælpe dig med at komme op igen, hvilket inkluderer at have folk at læne sig op af. En undersøgelse fra 2007 viste, at social støtte faktisk kan øge modstandsdygtigheden over for stress.
De lægger mærke til (og værdsætter) de små, positive ting.
Resiliente mennesker er gode til at udnytte deres "positivitetsforhold", ifølge Fredrickson . Det betyder, at de lægger mærke til og værdsætter de små glæder og sejre - hvilket afholder dem fra at føle, at "alt" går galt. Hendes forskning har vist, at et tre-til-én forhold mellem positive og negative oplevelser er ideel til at opbygge modstandskraft og øge lykke.
De søger muligheder for vækst og læring.
Modstandsdygtige mennesker opsøger vækstoplevelser, der øger selvtillid og individuelle beslutningsevner, hvilket giver dem tillid til deres evne til at komme tilbage fra fiasko.
"Når en følelse af kompetence øges, er individer bedre i stand til at reagere effektivt i ukendte eller udfordrende situationer og holde ud i lyset af fiaskoer og udfordringer," skriver Kathleen M. Sutcliffe og Timothy J. Vogus i Organizing for Resilience.
De, der har mestret resiliens kunst, ved, at tilbageslag og udfordringer kan være vores mest kraftfulde læringsmuligheder. Nogle af verdensmest succesrige mennesker er blevet fyret fra deres job og brugte erfaringerne til at lære noget om sig selv.
"Jeg arbejdede for American Harper's Bazaar... jeg blev fyret,"sagde Anna Wintour engang . "Jeg anbefaler, at I alle bliver fyret, det er en fantastisk lærerig oplevelse."
De er uendeligt taknemmelige.
Taknemmelighed er kendt for at øge sundhed og velvære - og de, der er taknemmelige, kan nyde bedre fysisk sundhed og humør end dem, der fokuserer på besvær og klager.
"Jeg blev taknemmelig, da jeg blev fyret," forklarede Sallie Krawcheck, tidligere en af Wall Streets mest magtfulde kvindelige ledere, på The Huffington Posts kvindekonference, "The Third Metric: Redefinering Success Beyond Money and Power." "Jeg sagde: 'Hvor mange mennesker kan blive fyret, og det er på forsiden af The Wall Street Journal?'"
Krawcheck siger, at taknemmelighed ikke kun hjalp hende med at blive fyret, men den hjælper hende også med at holde livets hverdagsstress i deres rette perspektiv.
"Hvordan kommer jeg igennem det hele?" sagde Krawcheck. "Jeg er uendeligt taknemmelig."
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Agreed, this article is high in fluffy feel-good pap. It's the sort of thing that can be agreed to when a person is feeling pretty good, but if I were in the midst of a period of depression, I'd find most of this article useless, annoying and/or insulting.
Article has some good stuff, but misses some points:
1. Some "Depression" is a genetically-inherited (familial) brain imbalance issue. For that minority of people, telling them to Be Resilient is worse than useless, it's heartless.
2. Other "Depression" is the result of childhood "faulty programming" -- either neglect or abuse by people who should never, ever have been parents. Most people don't just "cheer up" and walk away from 18 or so years or horrendous "training." They need years of emotional AND spiritual work, to unravel the ways in which THEIR brains were (yes physically) mis-formed by worse than bad treatment. Even "normally" incompetent parenting (50%?) can do this to some extent. So, JUST "being resilient" for this larger minority is only ONE Of several necessary ingredients.
3. A third unnamed source of "Depression" is an actual, horrendous real-time loss (death of a beloved spouse, of a child, other Big Time loss). In this case the ONLY remedy for THAT kind of depression (which is actually GRIEF), is active, dive-right-in GRIEVING. For that I would offer: "suffering" (depression) is a passive refusal to face monumental loss, whereas "grieving" means continually hitting the pinata of one's grief with a loving stick.
It may be glib to notice a correlation between those who are "resilient" and/or have learned the profoundly powerful art of being Grateful -- and those who are not Depressed, but the three points above are sorely missing in the article -- but hopefully not in the professional repertoire of its psychologist-author.
[Hide Full Comment]You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
[Hide Full Comment]say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If
we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months, according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
[Hide Full Comment]Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal, but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
It's really inspiring!
Agreed! I liked the realistically optimist description! that's me to a "T" :) Gratitude and enjoying the little things goes a long long way in helping one remain resilient. thanks for another uplifting article! YOU keep Me resilient! HUG