Odbijanje je grubo, kako god ga rezali. Ali to je također neizbježna životna činjenica, a naša sposobnost da se nosimo s neuspjehom i odbijanjem utječe na to koliko smo uspješni i sretni.
Sreća nije suprotnost depresiji - otpornost jest, prema psihologu Peteru Krameru . Razmislite o ljudima kojima se najviše divite - mnogi od njih nisu stigli tu gdje jesu samo ploveći kroz život bez ikakvih negativnih iskustava ili neuspjeha. Većina njih istaknula se svojom sposobnošću da se odmah pridignu svaki put kad padnu, što je istina koja se odražava u bezbrojnim inspirativnim citatima o snazi ustrajnosti (Riječima Winstona Churchilla, "Hrabrost je nastaviti ono što se računa.").
Dakle, kako se otporni ljudi razlikuju od onih koji postaju paralizirani svakim neuspjehom i nazadovanjem?
Evo sedam navika vrlo otpornih ljudi -- i načina na koje možete poboljšati vlastitu sposobnost suočavanja s izazovima.
Oni u potpunosti doživljavaju i pozitivne i negativne emocije.
Izgradnja otpornosti nije slijepi optimizam. Umjesto da gledaju samo na svijetlu stranu i tjeraju negativne emocije, otporni ljudi dopuštaju sebi da iskuse ono što osjećaju u bilo kojoj situaciji, bilo da je to dobro ili loše, prema autorici Pozitivnosti Barbari Fredrickson.
"Otporna osoba ne prikriva negativne emocije, već ih pušta rame uz rame s drugim osjećajima", rekao je Fredrickson za Experience Life . "Dakle, u isto vrijeme osjećaju 'tužan sam zbog toga', također su skloni razmišljanju 'ali zahvalan sam zbog ovoga'."
Oni su realno optimistični.
Nedavna studija Tajvanskog nacionalnog sveučilišta otkrila je da usvajanje stava "realnog optimizma", koji kombinira pozitivne izglede optimista s kritičkim mišljenjem pesimista, može povećati sreću i otpornost.
"Svaki put kad se [realistični optimisti] suoče s problemom, izazovom ili problemom, neće reći 'Nemam izbora i ovo je jedino što mogu učiniti'", rekla je istraživačica Sophia Chou za LiveScience . "Bit će kreativni, imat će plan A, plan B i plan C."
Oni "odbijaju odbijanje".
Odbijanje narušava naše samopoštovanje i samopouzdanje, zbog čega padamo sve teže sa svakim sljedećim neuspjehom ili neuspjehom, rekla je Elaine Dundon, osnivačica grupe za inovacije, u svom TED govoru na tu temu , dodajući: "Odbijanje također krade našu radost."
Ali odbacivanje je neizbježno, a učinkovito suočavanje s njim ključno je za postajanje otpornim. Kao što HuffPost bloger Alex Pattakos kaže, odabir odbijanja može osigurati da "ne postanete zarobljenik vlastitih misli."
"Važno je razumjeti da je svatko u različitom 'prostoru' i, u nekim slučajevima, bez obzira što kažete ili učinite, uvijek će odbiti vas ili vaše ideje", kaže Pattakos , objašnjavajući da vam ovakav način razmišljanja pomaže da odbijanje ne shvatite osobno.
Oni grade snažne sustave podrške.
Kada vas teško obore, važno je imati resurse koji će vam pomoći da se ponovno uspravite, što uključuje ljude na koje se možete osloniti. Studija iz 2007. godine otkrila je da društvena potpora zapravo može povećati otpornost na stres.
Primjećuju (i cijene) male, pozitivne stvari.
Otporni ljudi su dobri u iskorištavanju svog "omjera pozitivnosti", prema Fredricksonu . To znači da primjećuju i cijene male radosti i pobjede -- što ih sprječava da se osjećaju kao da "sve" ide po zlu. Njezino je istraživanje pokazalo da je omjer pozitivnih i negativnih iskustava tri prema jedan idealan za izgradnju otpornosti i povećanje sreće.
Oni traže prilike za rast i učenje.
Otporni ljudi traže iskustva rasta koja jačaju samopouzdanje i individualne vještine donošenja odluka, što im daje povjerenje u njihovu sposobnost da se oporave od neuspjeha.
"Kako se osjećaj kompetentnosti povećava, pojedinci su sposobniji učinkovitije reagirati u nepoznatim ili izazovnim situacijama i ustrajati u suočavanju s neuspjesima i izazovima", pišu Kathleen M. Sutcliffe i Timothy J. Vogus u Organizing for Resilience.
Oni koji su svladali umijeće otpornosti znaju da neuspjesi i izazovi mogu biti naše najmoćnije prilike za učenje. Neki odnajuspješnijih ljudi na svijetu otpušteni su s posla i iskoristili su to iskustvo kako bi naučili nešto o sebi.
"Radila sam za američki Harper's Bazaar... Dobila sam otkaz",rekla je jednom Anna Wintour . "Preporučam da svi dobijete otkaz, to je sjajno iskustvo."
Beskrajno su zahvalni.
Poznato je da zahvalnost jača zdravlje i dobrobit -- a oni koji su zahvalni mogli bi uživati u boljem fizičkom zdravlju i raspoloženju od onih koji su usredotočeni na gnjavažu i pritužbe.
"Bila sam zahvalna kad sam dobila otkaz", objasnila je Sallie Krawcheck, nekadašnja jedna od najmoćnijih direktorica Wall Streeta, na konferenciji za žene The Huffington Posta, "Treća metrika: Redefiniranje uspjeha izvan novca i moći". “Rekao sam 'Koliko ljudi dobije otkaz, a to je na naslovnoj stranici The Wall Street Journala?'”
Krawcheck kaže da joj zahvalnost nije pomogla samo da se nosi s otkazom, već joj također pomaže da svakodnevne životne stresove zadrži u pravoj perspektivi.
"Kako da sve to prebrodim?" rekao je Krawcheck. – Beskrajno sam zahvalna.
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Agreed, this article is high in fluffy feel-good pap. It's the sort of thing that can be agreed to when a person is feeling pretty good, but if I were in the midst of a period of depression, I'd find most of this article useless, annoying and/or insulting.
Article has some good stuff, but misses some points:
1. Some "Depression" is a genetically-inherited (familial) brain imbalance issue. For that minority of people, telling them to Be Resilient is worse than useless, it's heartless.
2. Other "Depression" is the result of childhood "faulty programming" -- either neglect or abuse by people who should never, ever have been parents. Most people don't just "cheer up" and walk away from 18 or so years or horrendous "training." They need years of emotional AND spiritual work, to unravel the ways in which THEIR brains were (yes physically) mis-formed by worse than bad treatment. Even "normally" incompetent parenting (50%?) can do this to some extent. So, JUST "being resilient" for this larger minority is only ONE Of several necessary ingredients.
3. A third unnamed source of "Depression" is an actual, horrendous real-time loss (death of a beloved spouse, of a child, other Big Time loss). In this case the ONLY remedy for THAT kind of depression (which is actually GRIEF), is active, dive-right-in GRIEVING. For that I would offer: "suffering" (depression) is a passive refusal to face monumental loss, whereas "grieving" means continually hitting the pinata of one's grief with a loving stick.
It may be glib to notice a correlation between those who are "resilient" and/or have learned the profoundly powerful art of being Grateful -- and those who are not Depressed, but the three points above are sorely missing in the article -- but hopefully not in the professional repertoire of its psychologist-author.
[Hide Full Comment]You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
[Hide Full Comment]say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If
we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months, according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
[Hide Full Comment]Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal, but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
It's really inspiring!
Agreed! I liked the realistically optimist description! that's me to a "T" :) Gratitude and enjoying the little things goes a long long way in helping one remain resilient. thanks for another uplifting article! YOU keep Me resilient! HUG