Penolakan adalah kasar, tidak kira bagaimana anda menghirisnya. Tetapi ia juga merupakan fakta kehidupan yang tidak dapat dielakkan, dan keupayaan kita untuk menangani kegagalan dan penolakan mempunyai pengaruh dalam menentukan kejayaan dan kebahagiaan kita.
Kebahagiaan bukanlah bertentangan dengan kemurungan -- daya tahan adalah, menurut ahli psikologi Peter Kramer . Fikirkan orang yang paling anda kagumi -- ramai di antara mereka tidak mencapai kedudukan mereka hanya dengan melayari kehidupan tanpa sebarang pengalaman negatif atau kegagalan. Kebanyakan mereka membezakan diri mereka dengan keupayaan mereka untuk bangkit semula setiap kali mereka jatuh, satu kebenaran yang dicerminkan dalam petikan inspirasi yang tidak terkira banyaknya mengenai kuasa ketabahan (Dalam kata-kata Winston Churchill, "Ia adalah keberanian untuk meneruskan yang penting.").
Jadi bagaimana orang yang berdaya tahan berbeza daripada mereka yang menjadi lumpuh oleh setiap kegagalan dan kemunduran?
Berikut ialah tujuh tabiat orang yang sangat berdaya tahan -- dan cara anda boleh meningkatkan keupayaan anda sendiri untuk menghadapi cabaran.
Mereka mengalami sepenuhnya emosi positif dan negatif.
Membina daya tahan bukan tentang keyakinan yang buta. Daripada hanya melihat sisi terang dan menolak emosi negatif, orang yang berdaya tahan membiarkan diri mereka mengalami apa yang mereka rasa dalam situasi tertentu, sama ada baik atau buruk, menurut pengarang Positiviti Barbara Fredrickson.
"Orang yang berdaya tahan itu tidak memikirkan emosi negatif, sebaliknya membiarkan mereka duduk bersebelahan dengan perasaan lain," kata Fredrickson kepada Experience Life . "Jadi pada masa yang sama mereka berasa 'Saya sedih tentang itu,' mereka juga cenderung untuk berfikir, 'tetapi saya bersyukur tentang ini.'"
Mereka optimistik secara realistik.
Kajian Universiti Kebangsaan Taiwan baru-baru ini mendapati bahawa mengamalkan sikap "keyakinan realistik," yang menggabungkan pandangan positif orang optimis dengan pemikiran kritis orang pesimis, boleh meningkatkan kebahagiaan dan daya tahan.
"Setiap kali [orang optimis yang realistik] menghadapi isu atau cabaran atau masalah, mereka tidak akan berkata 'Saya tiada pilihan dan ini satu-satunya perkara yang boleh saya lakukan,'" kata penyelidik Sophia Chou kepada LiveScience . "Mereka akan menjadi kreatif, mereka akan mempunyai pelan A, pelan B dan rancangan C."
Mereka "menolak penolakan."
Penolakan menghilangkan harga diri dan keyakinan kita, menjadikan kita lebih sukar dengan setiap kemunduran atau kegagalan berikutnya, Elaine Dundon, pengasas kumpulan inovasi, berkata dalam TED Talknya mengenai subjek itu , sambil menambah, "Penolakan juga mencuri kegembiraan kita."
Tetapi penolakan tidak dapat dielakkan, dan mengatasinya dengan berkesan adalah penting untuk menjadi berdaya tahan. Seperti yang dikatakan oleh blogger HuffPost Alex Pattakos, memilih untuk menolak penolakan boleh memastikan bahawa "anda tidak menjadi tawanan pemikiran anda sendiri."
"Adalah penting untuk memahami bahawa setiap orang berada dalam 'ruang' yang berbeza dan, dalam beberapa kes, tidak kira apa yang anda katakan atau lakukan, mereka akan sentiasa menolak anda atau idea anda," kata Pattakos , menjelaskan bahawa mengambil minda ini membantu anda untuk tidak mengambil penolakan secara peribadi.
Mereka membina sistem sokongan yang kuat.
Apabila anda tertekan dengan teruk, adalah penting untuk mempunyai sumber untuk membantu anda bangkit semula, termasuk meminta orang untuk bersandar. Kajian 2007 mendapati bahawa sokongan sosial sebenarnya boleh meningkatkan daya tahan terhadap tekanan.
Mereka perasan (dan menghargai) perkara-perkara kecil yang positif.
Orang yang berdaya tahan pandai menggunakan "nisbah positif" mereka, menurut Fredrickson . Ini bermakna mereka perasan dan menghargai sedikit kegembiraan dan kemenangan -- yang menghalang mereka daripada berasa seperti "segala-galanya" menjadi salah. Penyelidikan beliau telah menunjukkan bahawa nisbah tiga kepada satu pengalaman positif kepada negatif adalah ideal untuk membina daya tahan dan meningkatkan kebahagiaan.
Mereka mencari peluang untuk pertumbuhan dan pembelajaran.
Orang yang berdaya tahan mencari pengalaman pertumbuhan yang meningkatkan sikap berdikari dan kemahiran membuat keputusan individu, yang memberikan mereka keyakinan terhadap keupayaan mereka untuk bangkit daripada kegagalan.
"Apabila rasa kecekapan meningkat, individu lebih mampu bertindak balas dengan berkesan dalam situasi yang tidak biasa atau mencabar dan tabah menghadapi kegagalan dan cabaran," tulis Kathleen M. Sutcliffe dan Timothy J. Vogus dalam Organizing for Resilience.
Mereka yang telah menguasai seni daya tahan tahu bahawa halangan dan cabaran boleh menjadi peluang pembelajaran kami yang paling berkuasa. Beberapaorang yang paling berjaya di dunia telah dipecat daripada pekerjaan mereka, dan menggunakan pengalaman itu untuk mempelajari sesuatu tentang diri mereka sendiri.
"Saya bekerja untuk American Harper's Bazaar... Saya dipecat,"Anna Wintour pernah berkata . "Saya syorkan anda semua dipecat, ini pengalaman pembelajaran yang hebat."
Mereka bersyukur tanpa henti.
Kesyukuran diketahui dapat meningkatkan kesihatan dan kesejahteraan -- dan mereka yang bersyukur mungkin menikmati kesihatan fizikal dan mood yang lebih baik daripada mereka yang menumpukan pada masalah dan aduan.
"Saya bersyukur apabila saya dipecat," Sallie Krawcheck, yang dahulunya salah seorang eksekutif wanita paling berkuasa di Wall Street, menjelaskan pada persidangan wanita The Huffington Post, "Metrik Ketiga: Mentakrifkan Semula Kejayaan Melangkaui Wang dan Kuasa." “Saya berkata 'Berapa ramai orang yang akan dipecat dan ia berada di muka depan The Wall Street Journal?'”
Krawcheck mengatakan bahawa rasa terima kasih bukan sahaja membantunya menangani pemberhentian, tetapi juga membantunya mengekalkan tekanan kehidupan seharian dalam perspektif yang betul.
"Bagaimana saya boleh melalui semua itu?" kata Krawcheck. "Saya bersyukur tidak terhingga."
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Agreed, this article is high in fluffy feel-good pap. It's the sort of thing that can be agreed to when a person is feeling pretty good, but if I were in the midst of a period of depression, I'd find most of this article useless, annoying and/or insulting.
Article has some good stuff, but misses some points:
1. Some "Depression" is a genetically-inherited (familial) brain imbalance issue. For that minority of people, telling them to Be Resilient is worse than useless, it's heartless.
2. Other "Depression" is the result of childhood "faulty programming" -- either neglect or abuse by people who should never, ever have been parents. Most people don't just "cheer up" and walk away from 18 or so years or horrendous "training." They need years of emotional AND spiritual work, to unravel the ways in which THEIR brains were (yes physically) mis-formed by worse than bad treatment. Even "normally" incompetent parenting (50%?) can do this to some extent. So, JUST "being resilient" for this larger minority is only ONE Of several necessary ingredients.
3. A third unnamed source of "Depression" is an actual, horrendous real-time loss (death of a beloved spouse, of a child, other Big Time loss). In this case the ONLY remedy for THAT kind of depression (which is actually GRIEF), is active, dive-right-in GRIEVING. For that I would offer: "suffering" (depression) is a passive refusal to face monumental loss, whereas "grieving" means continually hitting the pinata of one's grief with a loving stick.
It may be glib to notice a correlation between those who are "resilient" and/or have learned the profoundly powerful art of being Grateful -- and those who are not Depressed, but the three points above are sorely missing in the article -- but hopefully not in the professional repertoire of its psychologist-author.
[Hide Full Comment]You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
[Hide Full Comment]say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If
we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months, according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
[Hide Full Comment]Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal, but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
It's really inspiring!
Agreed! I liked the realistically optimist description! that's me to a "T" :) Gratitude and enjoying the little things goes a long long way in helping one remain resilient. thanks for another uplifting article! YOU keep Me resilient! HUG