Noraidījums ir rupjš, neatkarīgi no tā, kā jūs to sadalāt. Taču tas ir arī neizbēgams dzīves fakts, un mūsu spēja tikt galā ar neveiksmēm un noraidīšanu ir atkarīga no tā, cik veiksmīgi un laimīgi mēs esam.
Laime nav pretstats depresijai — tā ir noturība , uzskata psihologs Pīters Krāmers . Padomājiet par cilvēkiem, kurus jūs visvairāk apbrīnojat — daudzi no viņiem nenokļuva tur, kur viņi ir, vienkārši burājot pa dzīvi bez negatīvas pieredzes vai neveiksmēm. Lielākā daļa no viņiem izcēlās ar spēju piecelties ikreiz, kad viņi krīt, un tas atspoguļojās neskaitāmos iedvesmojošos citātos par neatlaidības spēku (Vinstona Čērčila vārdiem sakot: "Tā ir drosme turpināt, kas ir svarīga.").
Tātad, kā izturīgi cilvēki atšķiras no tiem, kurus paralizē katra neveiksme un neveiksme?
Šeit ir septiņi ļoti izturīgu cilvēku ieradumi un veidi, kā uzlabot savas spējas tikt galā ar izaicinājumiem.
Viņi pilnībā piedzīvo gan pozitīvas, gan negatīvas emocijas.
Noturības veidošana nav saistīta ar aklu optimismu. Tā vietā, lai skatītos tikai no gaišās puses un atstumtu negatīvās emocijas, izturīgi cilvēki ļauj sev piedzīvot to, ko viņi jūt jebkurā konkrētā situācijā, neatkarīgi no tā, vai tā ir laba vai slikta, norāda Positivitātes autore Barbara Fredrickson.
"Izturīgs cilvēks nevis apzīmē negatīvās emocijas, bet gan ļauj tām sēdēt līdzās citām jūtām," izdevumam Experience Life stāstīja Fredriksons . "Tātad tajā pašā laikā viņi jūt: "Man ir skumji par to", viņi arī mēdz domāt, "bet es par to esmu pateicīgs."
Viņi ir reāli optimistiski.
Nesen veiktais Taivānas Nacionālās universitātes pētījums atklāja, ka "reālistiskā optimisma" attieksme, kas apvieno optimistu pozitīvo skatījumu ar pesimistu kritisko domāšanu, var palielināt laimi un noturību.
"Katru reizi, kad [reālistiski optimisti] saskaras ar kādu problēmu, izaicinājumu vai problēmu, viņi neteiks: "Man nav izvēles, un tas ir vienīgais, ko es varu darīt", " LiveScience sacīja pētniece Sofija Čou . "Viņi būs radoši, viņiem būs plāns A, plāns B un plāns C."
Viņi "noraida noraidījumu".
Noraidījums mazina mūsu pašcieņu un pārliecību, liekot mums krist vēl grūtāk ar katru nākamo neveiksmi vai neveiksmi, Elaine Dundon, inovāciju grupas dibinātāja, teica savā TED sarunā par šo tēmu , piebilstot: "Noraidīšana arī zog mūsu prieku."
Taču noraidījums ir neizbēgams, un, lai kļūtu izturīgs, ir svarīgi ar to efektīvi tikt galā. Kā norāda HuffPost emuāra autors Alekss Pattakoss, izvēle noraidīt noraidījumu var nodrošināt, ka "jūs nekļūsit par savu domu gūstekni".
"Ir svarīgi saprast, ka ikviens atrodas atšķirīgā "telpā", un dažos gadījumos neatkarīgi no tā, ko jūs sakāt vai darāt, viņi vienmēr noraidīs jūs vai jūsu idejas," saka Pattakos , skaidrojot, ka šāda domāšanas veida lietošana palīdz neuztvert noraidījumu personīgi.
Viņi veido spēcīgas atbalsta sistēmas.
Kad esat smagi notriekts, ir svarīgi, lai jums būtu resursi, kas palīdzētu jums atkal piecelties, tostarp cilvēkiem, uz kuriem paļauties. 2007. gada pētījums atklāja, ka sociālais atbalsts faktiski var palielināt noturību pret stresu.
Viņi pamana (un novērtē) mazās, pozitīvās lietas.
Saskaņā ar Fredriksona teikto , izturīgi cilvēki labi spēj izmantot savu "pozitivitātes attiecību". Tas nozīmē, ka viņi pamana un novērtē mazos priekus un uzvaras, kas neļauj viņiem justies kā "viss" noiet greizi. Viņas pētījumi ir parādījuši, ka pozitīvās un negatīvās pieredzes attiecība trīs pret vienu ir ideāla, lai palielinātu izturību un vairotu laimi.
Viņi meklē iespējas izaugsmei un mācībām.
Izturīgi cilvēki meklē izaugsmes pieredzi, kas palielina pašpaļāvību un individuālās lēmumu pieņemšanas prasmes, kas dod viņiem pārliecību par spēju atgūties no neveiksmēm.
"Palielinoties kompetences izjūtai, indivīdi spēj efektīvāk reaģēt nepazīstamās vai izaicinošās situācijās un neatlaidīgi saskarties ar neveiksmēm un izaicinājumiem," grāmatā Organizing for Resilience raksta Ketlīna M. Satklifa un Timotijs Dž. Voguss.
Tie, kas ir apguvuši noturības mākslu, zina, ka neveiksmes un izaicinājumi var būt mūsu visspēcīgākās mācību iespējas. Daži no pasaulesveiksmīgākajiem cilvēkiem ir atlaisti no darba un izmantoja pieredzi, lai uzzinātu kaut ko par sevi.
"Es strādāju American Harper's Bazaar... Mani atlaida,"reiz teica Anna Vintūra . "Es iesaku jūs visus atlaist, tā ir lieliska mācību pieredze."
Viņi ir bezgala pateicīgi.
Ir zināms, ka pateicība uzlabo veselību un labklājību , un tiem, kas ir pateicīgi, var būt labāka fiziskā veselība un garastāvoklis nekā tiem, kas koncentrējas uz problēmām un sūdzībām.
"Es biju pateicīga, kad tiku atlaista," Sallija Kravčeka, bijusī viena no Volstrītas ietekmīgākajām sievietēm, skaidroja The Huffington Post sieviešu konferencē "Trešais rādītājs: veiksmes pārdefinēšana ārpus naudas un varas". "Es teicu: "Cik daudz cilvēku tiek atlaisti, un tas ir The Wall Street Journal pirmajā lapā?"
Krawcheck saka, ka pateicība viņai ne tikai palīdzēja tikt galā ar atlaišanu, bet arī palīdz viņai saglabāt ikdienas dzīves spriedzi pareizajā perspektīvā.
"Kā es varu tam visam tikt cauri?" sacīja Kravčeks. "Es esmu bezgala pateicīgs."
COMMUNITY REFLECTIONS
SHARE YOUR REFLECTION
8 PAST RESPONSES
Agreed, this article is high in fluffy feel-good pap. It's the sort of thing that can be agreed to when a person is feeling pretty good, but if I were in the midst of a period of depression, I'd find most of this article useless, annoying and/or insulting.
Article has some good stuff, but misses some points:
1. Some "Depression" is a genetically-inherited (familial) brain imbalance issue. For that minority of people, telling them to Be Resilient is worse than useless, it's heartless.
2. Other "Depression" is the result of childhood "faulty programming" -- either neglect or abuse by people who should never, ever have been parents. Most people don't just "cheer up" and walk away from 18 or so years or horrendous "training." They need years of emotional AND spiritual work, to unravel the ways in which THEIR brains were (yes physically) mis-formed by worse than bad treatment. Even "normally" incompetent parenting (50%?) can do this to some extent. So, JUST "being resilient" for this larger minority is only ONE Of several necessary ingredients.
3. A third unnamed source of "Depression" is an actual, horrendous real-time loss (death of a beloved spouse, of a child, other Big Time loss). In this case the ONLY remedy for THAT kind of depression (which is actually GRIEF), is active, dive-right-in GRIEVING. For that I would offer: "suffering" (depression) is a passive refusal to face monumental loss, whereas "grieving" means continually hitting the pinata of one's grief with a loving stick.
It may be glib to notice a correlation between those who are "resilient" and/or have learned the profoundly powerful art of being Grateful -- and those who are not Depressed, but the three points above are sorely missing in the article -- but hopefully not in the professional repertoire of its psychologist-author.
[Hide Full Comment]You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
[Hide Full Comment]say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If
we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months, according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
[Hide Full Comment]Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal, but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
It's really inspiring!
Agreed! I liked the realistically optimist description! that's me to a "T" :) Gratitude and enjoying the little things goes a long long way in helping one remain resilient. thanks for another uplifting article! YOU keep Me resilient! HUG