Penolakan itu berat, tidak peduli bagaimana Anda melihatnya. Namun, penolakan juga merupakan fakta kehidupan yang tidak dapat dihindari, dan kemampuan kita untuk menghadapi kegagalan dan penolakan berperan dalam menentukan seberapa sukses dan bahagianya kita.
Kebahagiaan bukanlah lawan dari depresi -- menurut psikolog Peter Kramer , ketahanan adalah lawannya. Pikirkan orang-orang yang paling Anda kagumi -- banyak dari mereka tidak sampai ke tempat mereka sekarang hanya dengan menjalani hidup tanpa pengalaman negatif atau kegagalan. Kebanyakan dari mereka membedakan diri mereka dengan kemampuan mereka untuk bangkit kembali setiap kali mereka jatuh, sebuah kebenaran yang tercermin dalam banyak kutipan inspiratif tentang kekuatan ketekunan (Dalam kata-kata Winston Churchill, "Keberanian untuk melanjutkan itulah yang penting.").
Jadi apa bedanya orang yang tangguh dengan orang yang menjadi lumpuh karena setiap kegagalan dan kemunduran?
Berikut adalah tujuh kebiasaan orang yang sangat tangguh -- dan cara-cara yang dapat Anda lakukan untuk meningkatkan kemampuan Anda sendiri dalam menghadapi tantangan.
Mereka sepenuhnya mengalami emosi positif dan negatif.
Membangun ketahanan bukan tentang optimisme buta. Daripada hanya melihat sisi positif dan menyingkirkan emosi negatif, orang yang tangguh membiarkan diri mereka mengalami apa yang mereka rasakan dalam situasi apa pun, baik atau buruk, menurut penulis Positivity Barbara Fredrickson.
"Orang yang tangguh tidak menutupi emosi negatif, tetapi membiarkannya berdampingan dengan perasaan lain," tutur Fredrickson kepada Experience Life . "Jadi, di saat yang sama mereka merasa 'Saya sedih karenanya,' mereka juga cenderung berpikir, 'tetapi saya bersyukur karenanya.'"
Mereka optimis secara realistis.
Sebuah studi Universitas Nasional Taiwan baru-baru ini menemukan bahwa mengadopsi sikap "optimisme realistis," yang menggabungkan pandangan positif kaum optimis dengan pemikiran kritis kaum pesimis, dapat meningkatkan kebahagiaan dan ketahanan.
"Setiap kali [para optimis yang realistis] menghadapi masalah atau tantangan atau kendala, mereka tidak akan berkata 'Saya tidak punya pilihan dan ini satu-satunya hal yang dapat saya lakukan,'" kata peneliti Sophia Chou kepada LiveScience . "Mereka akan bersikap kreatif, mereka akan memiliki rencana A, rencana B, dan rencana C."
Mereka "menolak penolakan".
Penolakan menggerogoti harga diri dan kepercayaan diri kita, membuat kita semakin terpuruk dalam setiap kemunduran atau kegagalan berikutnya, kata Elaine Dundon, pendiri kelompok inovasi tersebut, dalam Ceramah TED-nya mengenai subjek tersebut , seraya menambahkan, "Penolakan juga merampas kegembiraan kita."
Namun penolakan tidak dapat dihindari, dan menghadapinya secara efektif sangat penting untuk menjadi tangguh. Seperti yang dikatakan blogger HuffPost Alex Pattakos, memilih untuk menolak penolakan dapat memastikan bahwa "Anda tidak menjadi tawanan pikiran Anda sendiri."
"Penting untuk dipahami bahwa setiap orang berada dalam 'ruang' yang berbeda dan, dalam beberapa kasus, apa pun yang Anda katakan atau lakukan, mereka akan selalu menolak Anda atau ide-ide Anda," kata Pattakos , yang menjelaskan bahwa mengambil pola pikir ini membantu Anda untuk tidak menganggap penolakan itu sebagai sesuatu yang pribadi.
Mereka membangun sistem pendukung yang kuat.
Saat Anda terpuruk, penting untuk memiliki sumber daya yang dapat membantu Anda bangkit kembali, termasuk memiliki orang yang dapat Anda andalkan. Sebuah studi tahun 2007 menemukan bahwa dukungan sosial sebenarnya dapat meningkatkan ketahanan terhadap stres.
Mereka memperhatikan (dan menghargai) hal-hal kecil yang positif.
Orang yang tangguh pandai memanfaatkan "rasio positif" mereka, menurut Fredrickson . Ini berarti mereka memperhatikan dan menghargai kegembiraan dan kemenangan kecil -- yang membuat mereka tidak merasa seperti "segalanya" berjalan salah. Penelitiannya menunjukkan bahwa rasio tiga banding satu antara pengalaman positif dan negatif sangat ideal untuk membangun ketahanan dan meningkatkan kebahagiaan.
Mereka mencari kesempatan untuk tumbuh dan belajar.
Orang yang tangguh mencari pengalaman pertumbuhan yang meningkatkan kepercayaan diri dan keterampilan pengambilan keputusan individu, yang memberi mereka keyakinan terhadap kemampuan mereka untuk bangkit kembali dari kegagalan.
"Seiring meningkatnya rasa kompetensi, individu akan lebih mampu merespons secara efektif dalam situasi yang tidak dikenal atau penuh tantangan serta bertahan dalam menghadapi kegagalan dan tantangan," tulis Kathleen M. Sutcliffe dan Timothy J. Vogus dalam Organizing for Resilience.
Mereka yang telah menguasai seni ketahanan tahu bahwa kemunduran dan tantangan dapat menjadi peluang pembelajaran yang paling ampuh. Beberapaorang paling sukses di dunia telah dipecat dari pekerjaan mereka, dan menggunakan pengalaman itu untuk belajar sesuatu tentang diri mereka sendiri.
"Saya bekerja untuk American Harper's Bazaar... Saya dipecat,"kata Anna Wintour suatu kali . "Saya sarankan Anda semua dipecat, itu pengalaman belajar yang hebat."
Mereka sangat berterima kasih.
Rasa syukur diketahui dapat meningkatkan kesehatan dan kesejahteraan -- dan mereka yang bersyukur dapat menikmati kesehatan fisik dan suasana hati yang lebih baik daripada mereka yang berfokus pada kerepotan dan keluhan.
“Saya bersyukur ketika saya dipecat,” Sallie Krawcheck, yang sebelumnya merupakan salah satu eksekutif wanita paling berkuasa di Wall Street, menjelaskan pada konferensi wanita The Huffington Post, "Metrik Ketiga: Mendefinisikan Ulang Kesuksesan di Luar Uang dan Kekuasaan." “Saya berkata, 'Berapa banyak orang yang dipecat dan beritanya dimuat di halaman depan The Wall Street Journal?'”
Krawcheck mengatakan bahwa rasa syukur tidak hanya membantunya menghadapi pemecatan, tetapi juga membantunya menjaga tekanan hidup sehari-hari dalam perspektif yang tepat.
"Bagaimana saya bisa melewati semua ini?" kata Krawcheck. "Saya sangat bersyukur."
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Agreed, this article is high in fluffy feel-good pap. It's the sort of thing that can be agreed to when a person is feeling pretty good, but if I were in the midst of a period of depression, I'd find most of this article useless, annoying and/or insulting.
Article has some good stuff, but misses some points:
1. Some "Depression" is a genetically-inherited (familial) brain imbalance issue. For that minority of people, telling them to Be Resilient is worse than useless, it's heartless.
2. Other "Depression" is the result of childhood "faulty programming" -- either neglect or abuse by people who should never, ever have been parents. Most people don't just "cheer up" and walk away from 18 or so years or horrendous "training." They need years of emotional AND spiritual work, to unravel the ways in which THEIR brains were (yes physically) mis-formed by worse than bad treatment. Even "normally" incompetent parenting (50%?) can do this to some extent. So, JUST "being resilient" for this larger minority is only ONE Of several necessary ingredients.
3. A third unnamed source of "Depression" is an actual, horrendous real-time loss (death of a beloved spouse, of a child, other Big Time loss). In this case the ONLY remedy for THAT kind of depression (which is actually GRIEF), is active, dive-right-in GRIEVING. For that I would offer: "suffering" (depression) is a passive refusal to face monumental loss, whereas "grieving" means continually hitting the pinata of one's grief with a loving stick.
It may be glib to notice a correlation between those who are "resilient" and/or have learned the profoundly powerful art of being Grateful -- and those who are not Depressed, but the three points above are sorely missing in the article -- but hopefully not in the professional repertoire of its psychologist-author.
[Hide Full Comment]You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
[Hide Full Comment]say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If
we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months, according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
[Hide Full Comment]Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal, but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
It's really inspiring!
Agreed! I liked the realistically optimist description! that's me to a "T" :) Gratitude and enjoying the little things goes a long long way in helping one remain resilient. thanks for another uplifting article! YOU keep Me resilient! HUG