Kukataa ni mbaya, bila kujali jinsi unavyoigawanya. Lakini pia ni ukweli usioepukika wa maisha, na uwezo wetu wa kukabiliana na kushindwa na kukataliwa una mkono katika kuamua jinsi tulivyofanikiwa na kuwa na furaha.
Furaha sio kinyume cha huzuni -- ustahimilivu ni, kulingana na mwanasaikolojia Peter Kramer . Fikiria watu unaowavutia zaidi -- wengi wao hawakufika walipo kwa kuzunguka maishani bila uzoefu wowote mbaya au kushindwa. Wengi wao walijitofautisha wenyewe kwa uwezo wao wa kuinuka kila mara wanapoanguka, ukweli ulioonyeshwa katika nukuu nyingi za kutia moyo juu ya nguvu ya uvumilivu (Kwa maneno ya Winston Churchill, "Ni ujasiri wa kuendelea ndio wa maana.").
Kwa hiyo watu wastahimilivu wanatofautiana vipi na wale wanaolemazwa na kila kushindwa na kushindwa?
Hizi hapa ni tabia saba za watu wanaostahimili hali ya juu -- na njia ambazo unaweza kuboresha uwezo wako wa kukabiliana na changamoto.
Wanapata kikamilifu hisia chanya na hasi.
Kujenga ustahimilivu sio juu ya kuwa na matumaini. Badala ya kuangalia upande mzuri tu na kusukuma mbali hisia hasi, watu wastahimilivu hujiruhusu kupata kile wanachohisi katika hali yoyote, iwe nzuri au mbaya, kulingana na mwandishi wa Positivity Barbara Fredrickson.
"Mtu mvumilivu haangazii hisia hasi, lakini badala yake anaziacha zikae pamoja na hisia zingine," Fredrickson aliiambia Experience Life . "Kwa hiyo wakati huo huo wanahisi 'Nina huzuni kuhusu hilo,' pia huwa na mwelekeo wa kufikiri, 'lakini ninashukuru kuhusu hili.'
Wana matumaini kihalisi.
Utafiti wa hivi majuzi wa Chuo Kikuu cha Kitaifa cha Taiwan uligundua kuwa kuwa na mtazamo wa "matumaini ya kweli," ambao unachanganya mtazamo chanya wa watu wenye matumaini na fikra muhimu za wasio na matumaini, kunaweza kuongeza furaha na uthabiti.
"Kila wakati [wenye matumaini ya kweli] wanapokabiliana na suala au changamoto au tatizo, hawatasema 'Sina chaguo na hili ndilo jambo pekee ninaloweza kufanya,'" mtafiti Sophia Chou aliiambia LiveScience . "Watakuwa wabunifu, watakuwa na mpango A, mpango B na mpango C."
Wao "wanakataa kukataliwa."
Kukataliwa kunaondoa hali ya kujistahi na kujiamini, na kutufanya tuanguke zaidi kila baada ya kushindwa au kushindwa, Elaine Dundon, mwanzilishi wa kikundi cha uvumbuzi, alisema katika Mazungumzo yake ya TED kuhusu mada hii , na kuongeza, "Kukataliwa pia huiba furaha yetu."
Lakini kukataliwa hakuwezi kuepukika, na kukabiliana nayo ipasavyo ni muhimu ili kuwa mstahimilivu. Kama mwanablogu wa HuffPost Alex Pattakos anavyosema, kuchagua kukataa kukataliwa kunaweza kuhakikisha kwamba "huwi mfungwa wa mawazo yako mwenyewe."
"Ni muhimu kuelewa kwamba kila mtu yuko katika 'nafasi' tofauti na, katika baadhi ya matukio, bila kujali unachosema au kufanya, watakukataa wewe au mawazo yako kila wakati," anasema Pattakos , akifafanua kuwa kuchukua mawazo haya kunakusaidia usichukue kukataliwa kibinafsi.
Wanaunda mifumo thabiti ya usaidizi.
Unapoangushwa chini sana, ni muhimu kuwa na nyenzo za kukusaidia kuinuka tena, ambayo ni pamoja na kuwa na watu wa kuegemea. Utafiti wa 2007 uligundua kuwa msaada wa kijamii unaweza kuongeza ustahimilivu wa mfadhaiko.
Wanatambua (na kuthamini) mambo madogo, mazuri.
Watu wastahimilivu ni wazuri katika kugusa "uwiano wao wa chanya," kulingana na Fredrickson . Hii ina maana kwamba wanaona na kuthamini furaha na ushindi mdogo -- unaowazuia kuhisi kama "kila kitu" kinaenda vibaya. Utafiti wake umeonyesha kuwa uwiano wa tatu hadi moja wa uzoefu chanya hadi hasi ni bora kwa kujenga uthabiti na kuongeza furaha.
Wanatafuta fursa za kukua na kujifunza.
Watu wastahimilivu hutafuta uzoefu wa ukuaji ambao unakuza ujuzi wa kujitegemea na kufanya maamuzi ya mtu binafsi, ambayo huwapa imani katika uwezo wao wa kurejea kutokana na kushindwa.
"Hisia ya umahiri inapoongezeka, watu binafsi wanaweza kujibu vyema katika hali zisizojulikana au zenye changamoto na kustahimili kushindwa na changamoto," Kathleen M. Sutcliffe na Timothy J. Vogus wanaandika katika Kupanga kwa Ustahimilivu.
Wale ambao wamebobea katika sanaa ya ustahimilivu wanajua kwamba vikwazo na changamoto zinaweza kuwa fursa zetu za kujifunza zenye nguvu zaidi. Baadhi yawatu waliofanikiwa zaidi duniani wamefukuzwa kazi, na kutumia uzoefu huo kujifunza kitu kuwahusu.
"Nilifanya kazi kwa American Harper's Bazaar... I got fired,"Anna Wintour aliwahi kusema . "Ninapendekeza kwamba nyote muachishwe kazi, ni uzoefu mzuri wa kujifunza."
Wanashukuru sana.
Shukrani inajulikana kuimarisha afya na ustawi -- na wale wanaoshukuru wanaweza kufurahia afya bora ya kimwili na hisia kuliko wale wanaozingatia shida na malalamiko.
"Nilishukuru nilipofutwa kazi," Sallie Krawcheck, aliyekuwa mmoja wa wasimamizi wa kike wenye nguvu zaidi wa Wall Street, alieleza katika mkutano wa wanawake wa The Huffington Post, "The Third Metric: Redefining Success Beyond Money and Power." "Nilisema 'Ni watu wangapi watafutwa kazi na iko kwenye ukurasa wa mbele wa The Wall Street Journal?'
Krawcheck anasema kuwa shukrani haikumsaidia tu kukabiliana na kufutwa kazi, lakini pia inamsaidia kuweka mikazo ya maisha ya kila siku katika mtazamo wake unaofaa.
"Nitawezaje kuyapitia yote?" Alisema Krawcheck. "Ninashukuru sana."
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Agreed, this article is high in fluffy feel-good pap. It's the sort of thing that can be agreed to when a person is feeling pretty good, but if I were in the midst of a period of depression, I'd find most of this article useless, annoying and/or insulting.
Article has some good stuff, but misses some points:
1. Some "Depression" is a genetically-inherited (familial) brain imbalance issue. For that minority of people, telling them to Be Resilient is worse than useless, it's heartless.
2. Other "Depression" is the result of childhood "faulty programming" -- either neglect or abuse by people who should never, ever have been parents. Most people don't just "cheer up" and walk away from 18 or so years or horrendous "training." They need years of emotional AND spiritual work, to unravel the ways in which THEIR brains were (yes physically) mis-formed by worse than bad treatment. Even "normally" incompetent parenting (50%?) can do this to some extent. So, JUST "being resilient" for this larger minority is only ONE Of several necessary ingredients.
3. A third unnamed source of "Depression" is an actual, horrendous real-time loss (death of a beloved spouse, of a child, other Big Time loss). In this case the ONLY remedy for THAT kind of depression (which is actually GRIEF), is active, dive-right-in GRIEVING. For that I would offer: "suffering" (depression) is a passive refusal to face monumental loss, whereas "grieving" means continually hitting the pinata of one's grief with a loving stick.
It may be glib to notice a correlation between those who are "resilient" and/or have learned the profoundly powerful art of being Grateful -- and those who are not Depressed, but the three points above are sorely missing in the article -- but hopefully not in the professional repertoire of its psychologist-author.
[Hide Full Comment]You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
[Hide Full Comment]say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If
we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months, according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
[Hide Full Comment]Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal, but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
It's really inspiring!
Agreed! I liked the realistically optimist description! that's me to a "T" :) Gratitude and enjoying the little things goes a long long way in helping one remain resilient. thanks for another uplifting article! YOU keep Me resilient! HUG