El rechazo es duro, se mire como se mire. Pero también es una realidad ineludible, y nuestra capacidad para afrontar el fracaso y el rechazo influye en nuestro éxito y felicidad.
La felicidad no es lo opuesto a la depresión; la resiliencia sí lo es, según el psicólogo Peter Kramer . Piensa en las personas que más admiras: muchas de ellas no llegaron a donde están simplemente navegando por la vida sin experiencias negativas ni fracasos. La mayoría se distinguieron por su capacidad de levantarse de inmediato después de caer, una verdad que se refleja en innumerables citas inspiradoras sobre el poder de la perseverancia (en palabras de Winston Churchill: «Lo que cuenta es el coraje para continuar»).
¿En qué se diferencian entonces las personas resilientes de aquellas que quedan paralizadas ante cada fracaso y revés?
Aquí presentamos siete hábitos de personas altamente resilientes y maneras en las que usted puede mejorar su propia capacidad para enfrentar los desafíos.
Experimentan plenamente emociones tanto positivas como negativas.
Desarrollar la resiliencia no se trata de un optimismo ciego. En lugar de ver solo el lado positivo y alejar las emociones negativas, las personas resilientes se permiten experimentar lo que sienten en cualquier situación, ya sea buena o mala, según Barbara Fredrickson, autora de Positividad.
“La persona resiliente no oculta las emociones negativas, sino que las deja coexistir con otros sentimientos”, dijo Fredrickson a Experience Life . “Así que, al mismo tiempo que siente 'estoy triste por eso', también tiende a pensar: 'pero estoy agradecido por esto'”.
Son realistas y optimistas.
Un estudio reciente de la Universidad Nacional de Taiwán descubrió que adoptar una actitud de "optimismo realista", que combina la perspectiva positiva de los optimistas con el pensamiento crítico de los pesimistas, puede aumentar la felicidad y la resiliencia.
"Cada vez que [los optimistas realistas] se enfrentan a un problema, un desafío o una dificultad, no dirán: 'No tengo otra opción y esto es lo único que puedo hacer'", declaró la investigadora Sophia Chou a LiveScience . "Serán creativos, tendrán un plan A, un plan B y un plan C".
“Rechazan el rechazo”.
"El rechazo socava nuestra autoestima y confianza, haciéndonos caer más fuerte con cada revés o fracaso posterior", dijo Elaine Dundon, fundadora del grupo de innovación, en su charla TED sobre el tema , y agregó: "El rechazo también nos roba la alegría".
Pero el rechazo es inevitable, y afrontarlo eficazmente es esencial para desarrollar resiliencia. Como dice el bloguero del HuffPost, Alex Pattakos, elegir rechazarlo puede garantizar que "no te conviertas en prisionero de tus propios pensamientos".
"Es importante entender que cada uno está en un 'espacio' diferente y, en algunos casos, no importa lo que digas o hagas, siempre te rechazarán a ti o a tus ideas", dice Pattakos , explicando que adoptar esta mentalidad ayuda a no tomar el rechazo como algo personal.
Construyen fuertes sistemas de apoyo.
Cuando sufres un duro golpe, es importante contar con recursos que te ayuden a recuperarte, lo que incluye tener personas en quienes apoyarte. Un estudio de 2007 descubrió que el apoyo social puede aumentar la resiliencia ante el estrés.
Se fijan (y aprecian) en las pequeñas cosas positivas.
Según Fredrickson , las personas resilientes son buenas para aprovechar su "coeficiente de positividad". Esto significa que notan y aprecian las pequeñas alegrías y victorias, lo que les evita sentir que "todo" va mal. Su investigación ha demostrado que una proporción de tres a uno entre experiencias positivas y negativas es ideal para desarrollar resiliencia y aumentar la felicidad.
Buscan oportunidades de crecimiento y aprendizaje.
Las personas resilientes buscan experiencias de crecimiento que impulsen la autosuficiencia y la capacidad de toma de decisiones individuales, lo que les da confianza en su capacidad para recuperarse del fracaso.
"A medida que aumenta el sentido de competencia, las personas son más capaces de responder eficazmente en situaciones desconocidas o desafiantes y de perseverar ante los fracasos y los desafíos", escriben Kathleen M. Sutcliffe y Timothy J. Vogus en Organizing for Resilience.
Quienes dominan el arte de la resiliencia saben que los contratiempos y los desafíos pueden ser nuestras oportunidades de aprendizaje más poderosas. Algunas de laspersonas más exitosas del mundo han sido despedidas de sus trabajos y han aprovechado la experiencia para aprender algo sobre sí mismas.
"Trabajé para la revista estadounidense Harper's Bazaar... Me despidieron",dijo una vez Anna Wintour . "Les recomiendo que se despidan; es una gran experiencia de aprendizaje".
Están infinitamente agradecidos.
Se sabe que la gratitud mejora la salud y el bienestar , y quienes son agradecidos pueden disfrutar de una mejor salud física y un mejor estado de ánimo que quienes se centran en los problemas y las quejas.
“Me sentí agradecida cuando me despidieron”, explicó Sallie Krawcheck, ex ejecutiva de Wall Street, en la conferencia de mujeres del Huffington Post, "La tercera métrica: Redefiniendo el éxito más allá del dinero y el poder". “Me pregunté: '¿A cuántas personas despiden y sale en la portada del Wall Street Journal?'”.
Krawcheck dice que la gratitud no sólo la ayudó a lidiar con el despido, sino que también la ayuda a mantener las tensiones cotidianas de la vida en la perspectiva adecuada.
"¿Cómo puedo superarlo?", dijo Krawcheck. "Estoy infinitamente agradecido."
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Agreed, this article is high in fluffy feel-good pap. It's the sort of thing that can be agreed to when a person is feeling pretty good, but if I were in the midst of a period of depression, I'd find most of this article useless, annoying and/or insulting.
Article has some good stuff, but misses some points:
1. Some "Depression" is a genetically-inherited (familial) brain imbalance issue. For that minority of people, telling them to Be Resilient is worse than useless, it's heartless.
2. Other "Depression" is the result of childhood "faulty programming" -- either neglect or abuse by people who should never, ever have been parents. Most people don't just "cheer up" and walk away from 18 or so years or horrendous "training." They need years of emotional AND spiritual work, to unravel the ways in which THEIR brains were (yes physically) mis-formed by worse than bad treatment. Even "normally" incompetent parenting (50%?) can do this to some extent. So, JUST "being resilient" for this larger minority is only ONE Of several necessary ingredients.
3. A third unnamed source of "Depression" is an actual, horrendous real-time loss (death of a beloved spouse, of a child, other Big Time loss). In this case the ONLY remedy for THAT kind of depression (which is actually GRIEF), is active, dive-right-in GRIEVING. For that I would offer: "suffering" (depression) is a passive refusal to face monumental loss, whereas "grieving" means continually hitting the pinata of one's grief with a loving stick.
It may be glib to notice a correlation between those who are "resilient" and/or have learned the profoundly powerful art of being Grateful -- and those who are not Depressed, but the three points above are sorely missing in the article -- but hopefully not in the professional repertoire of its psychologist-author.
[Hide Full Comment]You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
[Hide Full Comment]say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If
we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months, according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
[Hide Full Comment]Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal, but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
It's really inspiring!
Agreed! I liked the realistically optimist description! that's me to a "T" :) Gratitude and enjoying the little things goes a long long way in helping one remain resilient. thanks for another uplifting article! YOU keep Me resilient! HUG