Mae gwrthod yn arw, ni waeth sut rydych chi'n ei dorri. Ond mae hefyd yn ffaith anochel bywyd, ac mae gan ein gallu i ddelio â methiant a gwrthodiad law wrth benderfynu pa mor llwyddiannus a hapus ydym ni.
Nid yw hapusrwydd i'r gwrthwyneb i iselder -- mae gwydnwch , yn ôl y seicolegydd Peter Kramer . Meddyliwch am y bobl rydych chi'n eu hedmygu fwyaf - ni lwyddodd llawer ohonyn nhw i gyrraedd lle maen nhw dim ond trwy hwylio trwy fywyd heb unrhyw brofiadau neu fethiannau negyddol. Roedd y rhan fwyaf ohonynt yn gwahaniaethu eu hunain oherwydd eu gallu i ddod yn ôl i fyny bob tro y maent yn cwympo, gwirdeb a adlewyrchir mewn dyfyniadau ysbrydoledig di-ri ar bŵer dyfalbarhad (Yng ngeiriau Winston Churchill, "Dewrder i barhau sy'n cyfrif.").
Felly sut mae pobl wydn yn wahanol i'r rhai sy'n cael eu parlysu gan bob methiant a rhwystr?
Dyma saith o arferion pobl wydn iawn - a ffyrdd y gallwch chi wella'ch gallu eich hun i ymdopi â heriau.
Maent yn profi emosiynau cadarnhaol a negyddol yn llawn.
Nid yw adeiladu gwytnwch yn ymwneud ag optimistiaeth ddall. Yn hytrach nag edrych ar yr ochr ddisglair yn unig a gwthio emosiynau negyddol i ffwrdd, mae pobl wydn yn gadael i'w hunain brofi'r hyn y maent yn ei deimlo mewn unrhyw sefyllfa benodol, boed yn dda neu'n ddrwg, yn ôl awdur Positifrwydd Barbara Fredrickson.
“Nid yw’r person gwydn yn papuro dros yr emosiynau negyddol, ond yn hytrach yn gadael iddynt eistedd ochr yn ochr â theimladau eraill,” meddai Fredrickson wrth Experience Life . “Felly ar yr un pryd maen nhw'n teimlo 'Rwy'n drist am hynny,' maen nhw hefyd yn dueddol o feddwl, 'ond rwy'n ddiolchgar am hyn.'”
Maent yn realistig optimistaidd.
Canfu astudiaeth ddiweddar gan Brifysgol Genedlaethol Taiwan y gall mabwysiadu agwedd o "optimistiaeth realistig," sy'n cyfuno agwedd gadarnhaol optimistiaid â meddwl beirniadol pesimistiaid, roi hwb i hapusrwydd a gwytnwch.
“Bob tro mae [optimyddion realistig] yn wynebu problem neu her neu broblem, ni fyddant yn dweud 'Does gen i ddim dewis a dyma'r unig beth y gallaf ei wneud,'” meddai'r ymchwilydd Sophia Chou wrth LiveScience . "Fe fyddan nhw'n greadigol, bydd ganddyn nhw gynllun A, cynllun B a chynllun C."
Maent yn "gwrthod gwrthod."
Mae gwrthod yn torri i ffwrdd ar ein hunan-barch a hyder, gan wneud i ni syrthio'n galetach gyda phob rhwystr neu fethiant dilynol, dywedodd Elaine Dundon, sylfaenydd y grŵp arloesi, yn ei Sgwrs TED ar y pwnc , gan ychwanegu, "Mae gwrthod hefyd yn dwyn ein llawenydd."
Ond mae gwrthod yn anochel, ac mae ymdopi ag ef yn effeithiol yn hanfodol i ddod yn wydn. Fel y mae blogiwr HuffPost Alex Pattakos yn ei roi, gall dewis gwrthod gwrthod sicrhau “nad ydych chi'n dod yn garcharor eich meddyliau eich hun.”
"Mae'n bwysig deall bod pawb mewn 'gofod' gwahanol ac, mewn rhai achosion, ni waeth beth rydych chi'n ei ddweud neu'n ei wneud, byddant bob amser yn eich gwrthod chi neu'ch syniadau," meddai Pattakos , gan egluro bod cymryd y meddylfryd hwn yn eich helpu i beidio â chymryd y gwrthodiad yn bersonol.
Maent yn adeiladu systemau cymorth cryf.
Pan fyddwch chi'n cael eich taro'n galed, mae'n bwysig cael yr adnoddau i'ch helpu i godi'n ôl eto, sy'n cynnwys cael pobl i bwyso arnynt. Canfu astudiaeth yn 2007 y gall cymorth cymdeithasol mewn gwirionedd roi hwb i wytnwch i straen.
Maen nhw'n sylwi (ac yn gwerthfawrogi) y pethau bach, positif.
Mae pobl wydn yn dda am fanteisio ar eu “cymhareb positifrwydd,” yn ôl Fredrickson . Mae hyn yn golygu eu bod yn sylwi ac yn gwerthfawrogi'r llawenydd a'r buddugoliaethau bach - sy'n eu cadw rhag teimlo bod "popeth" yn mynd o'i le. Mae ei hymchwil wedi dangos bod cymhareb tri-i-un o brofiadau cadarnhaol i negyddol yn ddelfrydol ar gyfer adeiladu gwydnwch a hybu hapusrwydd.
Maent yn chwilio am gyfleoedd ar gyfer twf a dysgu.
Mae pobl wydn yn chwilio am brofiadau twf sy'n hybu hunanddibyniaeth a sgiliau gwneud penderfyniadau unigol, sy'n rhoi hyder iddynt yn eu gallu i adlamu yn ôl o fethiant.
"Wrth i ymdeimlad o gymhwysedd gynyddu, mae unigolion yn gallu ymateb yn effeithiol yn well mewn sefyllfaoedd anghyfarwydd neu heriol a dyfalbarhau yn wyneb methiannau a heriau," mae Kathleen M. Sutcliffe a Timothy J. Vogus yn ysgrifennu yn Organizing for Resilience.
Mae’r rhai sydd wedi meistroli’r grefft o wydnwch yn gwybod y gall rhwystrau a heriau fod yn gyfleoedd dysgu mwyaf pwerus i ni. Mae rhai obobl fwyaf llwyddiannus y byd wedi cael eu tanio o’u swyddi, ac wedi defnyddio’r profiad i ddysgu rhywbeth amdanyn nhw eu hunain.
"Roeddwn i'n gweithio i American Harper's Bazaar... ces i fy nhanio,"meddai Anna Wintour unwaith . "Rwy'n argymell eich bod chi i gyd yn cael eich tanio, mae'n brofiad dysgu gwych."
Maent yn ddiddiwedd ddiolchgar.
Mae'n hysbys bod diolchgarwch yn hybu iechyd a lles - a gall y rhai sy'n ddiolchgar fwynhau gwell iechyd corfforol a hwyliau na'r rhai sy'n canolbwyntio ar drafferthion a chwynion.
“Roeddwn i’n ddiolchgar pan gefais fy nhanio,” esboniodd Sallie Krawcheck, a arferai fod yn un o swyddogion gweithredol benywaidd mwyaf pwerus Wall Street, yng nghynhadledd menywod The Huffington Post, “Y Trydydd Metrig: Ailddiffinio Llwyddiant y Tu Hwnt i Arian a Phŵer.” “Dywedais ‘Faint o bobl sy’n cael eu tanio ac mae ar dudalen flaen The Wall Street Journal?’”
Dywed Krawcheck fod diolch nid yn unig wedi ei helpu i ddelio â chael ei thanio, ond mae hefyd yn ei helpu i gadw straen bob dydd bywyd yn eu persbectif cywir.
"Sut mae mynd trwy'r cyfan?" meddai Krawcheck. "Rwy'n ddiddiwedd ddiolchgar."
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Agreed, this article is high in fluffy feel-good pap. It's the sort of thing that can be agreed to when a person is feeling pretty good, but if I were in the midst of a period of depression, I'd find most of this article useless, annoying and/or insulting.
Article has some good stuff, but misses some points:
1. Some "Depression" is a genetically-inherited (familial) brain imbalance issue. For that minority of people, telling them to Be Resilient is worse than useless, it's heartless.
2. Other "Depression" is the result of childhood "faulty programming" -- either neglect or abuse by people who should never, ever have been parents. Most people don't just "cheer up" and walk away from 18 or so years or horrendous "training." They need years of emotional AND spiritual work, to unravel the ways in which THEIR brains were (yes physically) mis-formed by worse than bad treatment. Even "normally" incompetent parenting (50%?) can do this to some extent. So, JUST "being resilient" for this larger minority is only ONE Of several necessary ingredients.
3. A third unnamed source of "Depression" is an actual, horrendous real-time loss (death of a beloved spouse, of a child, other Big Time loss). In this case the ONLY remedy for THAT kind of depression (which is actually GRIEF), is active, dive-right-in GRIEVING. For that I would offer: "suffering" (depression) is a passive refusal to face monumental loss, whereas "grieving" means continually hitting the pinata of one's grief with a loving stick.
It may be glib to notice a correlation between those who are "resilient" and/or have learned the profoundly powerful art of being Grateful -- and those who are not Depressed, but the three points above are sorely missing in the article -- but hopefully not in the professional repertoire of its psychologist-author.
[Hide Full Comment]You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
[Hide Full Comment]say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If
we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months, according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
[Hide Full Comment]Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal, but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
It's really inspiring!
Agreed! I liked the realistically optimist description! that's me to a "T" :) Gratitude and enjoying the little things goes a long long way in helping one remain resilient. thanks for another uplifting article! YOU keep Me resilient! HUG