Tagasilükkamine on karm, olenemata sellest, kuidas te seda viilutate. Kuid see on ka elu paratamatu tõsiasi ning meie võime tulla toime ebaõnnestumiste ja tagasilükkamisega määrab kindlaks, kui edukad ja õnnelikud me oleme.
Õnn ei ole depressiooni vastand – psühholoog Peter Krameri sõnul on vastupidavus . Mõelge inimestele, keda te kõige enam imetlete – paljud neist ei jõudnud sinna, kus nad on, lihtsalt purjetades läbi elu ilma negatiivsete kogemuste või ebaõnnestumisteta. Enamik neist paistis silma selle poolest, et nad suutsid iga kord kukkudes otse püsti tõusta – see tõepärasus kajastub lugematutes inspireerivates tsitaatides visaduse jõu kohta (Winston Churchilli sõnade kohaselt: "Loeb julgus jätkata.").
Mille poolest siis vastupidavad inimesed erinevad neist, keda iga ebaõnnestumine ja tagasilöök halvab?
Siin on seitse väga vastupidavate inimeste harjumust ja viisid, kuidas saate parandada oma võimet väljakutsetega toime tulla.
Nad kogevad täielikult nii positiivseid kui ka negatiivseid emotsioone.
Vastupidavuse suurendamine ei tähenda pimedat optimismi. Selle asemel, et vaadata ainult head külge ja tõrjuda negatiivseid emotsioone, lasevad vastupidavad inimesed kogeda seda, mida nad igas olukorras tunnevad, olgu see siis hea või halb, ütles Positivsuse autor Barbara Fredrickson.
"Elastne inimene ei paberista negatiivseid emotsioone, vaid laseb neil istuda kõrvuti teiste tunnetega," rääkis Fredrickson ajakirjale Experience Life . "Nii et samal ajal tunnevad nad, et "olen selle pärast kurb", kalduvad nad ka mõtlema, "aga ma olen selle eest tänulik.""
Nad on realistlikult optimistlikud.
Hiljutine Taiwani riikliku ülikooli uuring näitas, et "realistliku optimismi" suhtumine, mis ühendab optimistide positiivse väljavaate ja pessimistide kriitilise mõtlemise, võib suurendada õnne ja vastupidavust.
"Iga kord, kui [realistlikud optimistid] seisavad silmitsi mõne probleemi, väljakutse või probleemiga, ei ütle nad, et mul pole valikut ja see on ainus asi, mida ma teha saan," ütles teadlane Sophia Chou LiveScience'ile . "Nad on loomingulised, neil on plaan A, plaan B ja plaan C."
Nad "tõrjuvad tagasilükkamist".
Tagasilükkamine kahjustab meie enesehinnangut ja enesekindlust, pannes meid iga järgneva tagasilöögi või ebaõnnestumisega raskemini kukkuma, ütles innovatsioonirühma asutaja Elaine Dundon oma teemalises TED-kõnes , lisades: "Tõrjumine varastab ka meie rõõmu."
Kuid tagasilükkamine on vältimatu ja sellega tõhusalt toime tulemine on vastupidavuse saavutamiseks hädavajalik. Nagu HuffPosti blogija Alex Pattakos ütleb, võib tagasilükkamise tagasilükkamine tagada, et "teist ei saa oma mõtete vangi".
"Oluline on mõista, et kõik on erinevas "ruumis" ja mõnel juhul, hoolimata sellest, mida te ütlete või teete, lükkavad nad teid või teie ideid alati tagasi," ütleb Pattakos ja selgitab, et sellise mõtteviisi järgimine aitab teil tagasilükkamist mitte isiklikult võtta.
Nad loovad tugevaid tugisüsteeme.
Kui teid kõvasti maha lüüakse, on oluline omada ressursse, mis aitavad teil uuesti üles tõusta, sealhulgas inimesi, kellele toetuda. 2007. aasta uuring näitas, et sotsiaalne toetus võib tegelikult suurendada vastupidavust stressile.
Nad märkavad (ja hindavad) väikseid positiivseid asju.
Fredricksoni sõnul oskavad vastupidavad inimesed hästi oma "positiivsuse suhet" ära kasutada. See tähendab, et nad märkavad ja hindavad väikeseid rõõme ja võite, mis ei lase neil tunda, et "kõik" läheb valesti. Tema uuringud on näidanud, et positiivsete ja negatiivsete kogemuste suhe kolm ühele on ideaalne vastupidavuse suurendamiseks ja õnnetunde suurendamiseks.
Nad otsivad võimalusi kasvamiseks ja õppimiseks.
Vastupidavad inimesed otsivad kasvukogemusi, mis suurendavad enesekindlust ja individuaalseid otsustusoskusi, mis annab neile kindlustunde oma suutlikkuses ebaõnnestumisest taastuda.
"Pädevustunde kasvades suudavad inimesed paremini reageerida tõhusalt tundmatutes või väljakutseid pakkuvates olukordades ning püsivad silmitsi ebaõnnestumiste ja väljakutsetega," kirjutavad Kathleen M. Sutcliffe ja Timothy J. Vogus ajakirjas Organising for Resilience.
Need, kes on omandanud vastupidavuse kunsti, teavad, et tagasilöögid ja väljakutsed võivad olla meie võimsaimad õppimisvõimalused. Mõned maailmaedukaimad inimesed on töölt vallandatud ja nad on kasutanud saadud kogemusi enda kohta õppimiseks.
"Ma töötasin American Harper's Bazaaris... Mind vallandati,"ütles Anna Wintour kunagi . "Soovitan teil kõigil vallandada, see on suurepärane õppimiskogemus."
Nad on lõputult tänulikud.
Tänulikkus tugevdab teatavasti tervist ja heaolu – ja need, kes on tänulikud, võivad nautida paremat füüsilist tervist ja tuju kui need, kes keskenduvad probleemidele ja kaebustele.
"Olin tänulik, kui mind vallandati," selgitas Sallie Krawcheck, endine Wall Streeti üks võimsamaid naisjuhte, The Huffington Posti naistekonverentsil "Kolmas mõõdik: raha ja võimu kõrval edu ümberdefineerimine". "Ma ütlesin: "Kui palju inimesi vallandatakse ja see on The Wall Street Journali esilehel?"
Krawcheck ütleb, et tänulikkus ei aidanud tal mitte ainult vallandamisega toime tulla, vaid aitab tal ka igapäevaelu pingeid õiges perspektiivis hoida.
"Kuidas ma sellest kõigest üle saan?" ütles Krawcheck. "Ma olen lõputult tänulik."
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Agreed, this article is high in fluffy feel-good pap. It's the sort of thing that can be agreed to when a person is feeling pretty good, but if I were in the midst of a period of depression, I'd find most of this article useless, annoying and/or insulting.
Article has some good stuff, but misses some points:
1. Some "Depression" is a genetically-inherited (familial) brain imbalance issue. For that minority of people, telling them to Be Resilient is worse than useless, it's heartless.
2. Other "Depression" is the result of childhood "faulty programming" -- either neglect or abuse by people who should never, ever have been parents. Most people don't just "cheer up" and walk away from 18 or so years or horrendous "training." They need years of emotional AND spiritual work, to unravel the ways in which THEIR brains were (yes physically) mis-formed by worse than bad treatment. Even "normally" incompetent parenting (50%?) can do this to some extent. So, JUST "being resilient" for this larger minority is only ONE Of several necessary ingredients.
3. A third unnamed source of "Depression" is an actual, horrendous real-time loss (death of a beloved spouse, of a child, other Big Time loss). In this case the ONLY remedy for THAT kind of depression (which is actually GRIEF), is active, dive-right-in GRIEVING. For that I would offer: "suffering" (depression) is a passive refusal to face monumental loss, whereas "grieving" means continually hitting the pinata of one's grief with a loving stick.
It may be glib to notice a correlation between those who are "resilient" and/or have learned the profoundly powerful art of being Grateful -- and those who are not Depressed, but the three points above are sorely missing in the article -- but hopefully not in the professional repertoire of its psychologist-author.
[Hide Full Comment]You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
[Hide Full Comment]say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans
are very resilient & can survive with only water for up to 2 months,
according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach
with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If
we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be
mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood &
no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
Some
[Hide Full Comment]doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally
say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal,
but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of
the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring
into question, cellular regeneration.All of these things are a
matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im
sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of
drepression because of it.
You are a dipshit. Just because your resilient, doesnt mean that your not depressed.
Humans are very resilient & survive with only water for up to 2 months, according to a study that was performed on tv, by filling the stomach with bread.
Able to survive, within extreme conditions, however once the bodies core temperature reaches 40 degrees celcius, the body starts to shut down & organs begin to fail.
If we lose 2 litres of blood, the body dies but if a wound is able to be mended fast enough with enough bandages to stop the flow of blood & no vital organs are punctured, then there is a good chance for survival.
[Hide Full Comment]Some doctors refer to a persons recovery as a miracle because they generally say that it is unknown to science, how a persons body was able to heal, but it may be more closely related to not being aware of the extent of the damage & the individuals reaction to medicane but it also bring into question, cellular regeneration.
All of these things are a matter of resilience. It has nothing to do with depression however im sure that an individual would be experiencing a greater extent of drepression because of it.
It's really inspiring!
Agreed! I liked the realistically optimist description! that's me to a "T" :) Gratitude and enjoying the little things goes a long long way in helping one remain resilient. thanks for another uplifting article! YOU keep Me resilient! HUG