在机场匆匆而过,我停下来买水。商店的冷藏柜前,一个男人正弯着腰往里面装瓶装水。我越过他,拿了一瓶他刚放进去的。他抬起头,停下手里的活,从另一个架子上拿了一瓶,递给我,说:“这瓶冰的。”我道谢,接过他递过来的水。
他不认识我,以后也不会再见到我。他的工作是理货,不是客服。他很忙,看起来很疲惫。但他还是注意到我拿到的是温的饮料,并且很关心我,立刻调整工作,给我换了一瓶冰的。他还祝我一切顺利。
一周后的今天,我写下这些文字时,仿佛还能看到他友善的眼神。那只是一瓶水而已。但他的善意让我感到温暖,他的好意也让我深受鼓舞。
当我们意识到他人的善意时,会感到更安全、更有支持感、更快乐。而当别人感受到你理解他们的好意时,他们会感到被关注、被欣赏,也更愿意善待你。
但我们很难识别他人的善意。我们忙碌、分心、压力重重。积极的意图往往被消极的行为所掩盖。大脑天生的消极倾向会不断扫描坏消息和不良意图。此外,大脑也对新鲜事物反应强烈,因此它往往会忽略日常生活中充斥的诸多积极意图,而将偶尔出现的消极行为放大。
所以你必须主动寻找善意。然后你会发现它们无处不在——这是一扇通往每个人内心深处善良的窗口,无论这种善良多么隐蔽。
如何?
花点时间想想,在平常的一天中,你有哪些美好的意愿——目标、目的、愿望。
良好的意愿并不一定意味着圣洁。想要享受一杯咖啡,想要吃一顿像样的早餐,想要随手锁好门,想要准时上班,想要认真负责,想要感到安全,想要照顾家人,想要做一个正直的人,想要避免麻烦,想要少受伤害,想要享受甜食,想要不争吵,想要活到日出——这些都是良好的意愿。
大多数善意或许微不足道,但它们依然意义非凡。试想一下,如果你用邪恶的念头取代了善意,将会造成怎样的灾难!当然,有些念头并不那么美好,例如控制欲、满足成瘾的欲望,或是将负面情绪倾泻于他人。但对绝大多数人来说,绝大多数的念头都是美好的。让这种感觉,这种源自内心的强烈感知,成为你内心深处的信念:你是一个心怀善意的人。
和朋友交谈时,留意对方的善意。感受到这些善意,你有什么感受?不妨经常和你在乎的人这样做。我发现这样做能帮助我更好地理解他人,也能让我敞开心扉。如果合适,可以把你的感受告诉对方;听到别人认可你的善意,会让你受益匪浅。
试着留意一下街上或机场里陌生人的善意。你会发现他们彬彬有礼、努力做好事、渴望理解他人或被他人理解、忠于朋友和事业、公平待人,以及待人友善。这种做法让我感到快乐,也让我更深刻地感受到我们共同的人性。
也可以对那些让你觉得难相处的人试试这种方法。这并非为他们开脱。但讽刺的是,在不良行为中看到善意,反而能让你感觉好一些——减少压力、烦躁或焦虑。你也可以请别人认可你身上的善意。
我们每个人心中都蕴藏着一丝圣洁的火花,包括镜中映出的自己。认可善意,便能吹拂这火花,为其添柴加薪,使其燃成温暖而美丽的火焰。
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This is a great article and it is true that so many things we do in a day, or automatically are just to look after ourselves/others and we are all filled with good intentions/
Rabbi Moses Cordovero: "Remember all human beings always in the innocence of their infancy."
nice
article (technically)..but I surely see also the danger as pointed out by the
reply of Bei Yin. To ad also a critical but appreciating comment. It's not
entirely about the article but about it's base/ foundation. actually the first
sentence,, .'let our intentions be good.' What is good? what is intention? what
is the action (of letting be)? We write about it if intention and good are two
separate things. If there is a commonsense or common-consensus of 'good' and
the values that this contains and that intention is a thing we let
happen. Maybe it’s just me, and that is certainly the case, but I see things
this way; If one doesn’t dissociate oneself
from his or her intention and trains oneself to walk in line with this
intention we won’t have to spend energy in forging ourselves on terms like good
or intention. We wouldn’t have to spend any energy in creating world images of
good behavior and their fruits. Instead we would just create, we do every
moment. And the fact that there are billions of people around just means you
are not alone, make use of that instead of convicting it.
Thank you, Rick
Hanson for the article, Grenville Kleisser for the quote, Bei Yin for drawing
my attention to it, ‘dailygood’ for placing and distributing it on internet,
internet for the world wide context, and the world for creating this medium….special
thanks to creation (the action and the result….)
Just one
[Hide Full Comment]thing: If my intention is commonsense than what is it that makes it ‘my’
intention? If my intention is not commonsense than what is it that makes it ‘my’
intention?
Napoleon Hill wrote about how the tipping point of economic failure to economic recovery post great depression was based on the shift from a sense of service. Much like the man who handed you the cold bottle of water. It's that subtle a difference in giving consciousness that can change the world. Great post!
--- "It can be hard to recognize the goodwill in others. We’re busy and distracted and stressed. Positive aims are often buried beneath negative behaviors. The brain’s innate negativity bias is continually scanning for bad news, bad intentions. The brain also reacts to novelty, so it tends to ignore the many positive intentions that pervade most daily life while spotlighting the occasional negative ones."
[Hide Full Comment](Quote from Rick Hanson's article)
--- My comment: The obvious fact is, that we are all manipulated and programmed from a society that has its base on a materialistic world view. This was upgraded during centuries with religious and spiritual beliefs and confirmed in our times by intellectual scientific views and concepts. Lifestyle or behavior of people hardly have changed to a better one, in contrary: the ways and tricks to survive with ones established personality are developing with the same speed as the level of stress is rising up, with the result of disease and destruction on all levels of existence. It's easy to understand, that out of our misery and suffering, we are looking for a new way to survive...
--- Now you have the 'good intention' to manipulate the brain by 'seeing the good intention in others!' Do you really think that you can cover up the daily reality every body is facing, by using a 'positive scam' on oneself? Do you think this will change anything about the *cause*?
Wouldn't it be a better intention to find out about the real reason why we are not finding real satisfaction in our existence? Using another trick can't be a creative way to help in our growing process!
--- Since nearly forty years my (good) intention is to point to a way to go beyond ones limited view, but part of the condition of people is, that they cling on their state of being and only want to be confirmed in it, so not being open for any thing else. It seems that people must suffer much more, before they ask some critical questions about not only their surrounding, but also about themselves. At the moment all questions are answered by the established mindset from society, anything else is ignored and rejected. As long this behavior is not questioned, there is no way out. So what might be your *question*? That for sure I will answer, with the 'good intention' to have an exchange from that every body around can benefit...
--- What I have written here comes out of my 'best intention' to share what is the result from my life long experience and has helped me to grow beyond my limited personality, freeing myself in a creative and healthy way... Realizing something for myself, that can't be described by words, - only can be *lived* and so expressed through my *energy*! Then, when expressed in this writing, can easily be misunderstood, as it depends totally on the interpretation from the readers mindset. - But at least it might trigger some thoughts that are not just influenced by ones need for confirmation...
--- Or is this too much and so unwanted by the moderator?
--- "It can be hard to recognize the goodwill in others. We’re busy and distracted and stressed. Positive aims are often buried beneath negative behaviors. The brain’s innate negativity bias is
[Hide Full Comment]continually scanning for bad news, bad intentions. The brain also reacts to novelty, so it tends to ignore the many positive intentions that pervade most daily life while spotlighting the occasional negative ones." (Quote from Rick Hanson's article)
--- My comment: The obvious fact is, that we are all manipulated and programmed from a
society that has its base on a materialistic world view. This was upgraded during centuries with religious and spiritual beliefs and confirmed in our times by intellectual scientific views and concepts. Lifestyle or behavior of people hardly have changed to a better one, in contrary: the ways and tricks to survive with ones established personality are developing with the same speed as the level of stress is rising up, with the result of disease and destruction on all levels of existence. It's easy to understand, that out of our misery and suffering, we are looking for a new way to survive...
--- Now you have the 'good intention' to manipulate the brain by 'seeing the good intention in others!' Do you really think that you can cover up the daily reality every body is facing, by using a 'positive scam' on oneself? Do you think this will change anything about the *cause*?
Wouldn't it be a better intention to find out about the real reason why we are not finding real satisfaction in our existence? Using another trick can't be a creative way to help in our growing process!
--- Since nearly forty years my (good) intention is to point to a way to go beyond ones limited view, but part of the condition of people is, that they cling on their state of being and only want to be confirmed in it, so not being open for any thing else. It seems that people must suffer much more, before they ask some critical questions about not only their surrounding, but also about themselves. At the moment all questions are answered by the established mindset from society, anything else is ignored and rejected. As long this behavior is not questioned, there is no way out. So what might be your *question*? That for sure I will answer, with the 'good intention' to have an exchange from that every body around can benefit...
--- What I have written here comes out of my 'best intention' to share what is the result from my life long experience and has helped me to grow beyond my limited personality, freeing myself in a creative and healthy way... Realizing something for myself, that can't be described by words, - only can be *lived* and so expressed through my *energy*! Then, when expressed in this writing, can easily be misunderstood, as it depends totally on the interpretation from the readers mindset.
Thanks for the article!
Love this! Thank you.
So true, we see what we focus upon! thank you for the reminder.
The following sentence really made me think. "Just imagine the disasters if you replaced your good intentions with bad ones!" Thank you!