埃德娜·弗斯·莱姆勒
1916年4月11日---2011年4月17日
在我生命的前58年里，我和母亲的关系可以说是复杂而艰难的。她个性鲜明，充满激情、创造力、愤怒和慷慨。我记得我曾对朋友说，我对母亲的爱是有限的，但她却不是有限的。她就像一股自然之力。
她毫无界限感；我记得和埃德娜一起去餐厅吃饭，服务员刚把我的盘子放在我面前，她的叉子就已经插进我的食物里了，我还没来得及拿起自己的叉子。她经常不请自来，出现在我家，无论我家在世界哪个角落。
她控制欲也很强。在她11岁时经历了母亲去世的创伤后，她感到一种生存的需要，那就是控制周围的一切人和事。
在我兄弟姐妹成长的过程中，我们很少和母亲进行真正的对话；她更像是在给我们上课。我们甚至还给她的“课”起了个简称：LFTs，也就是“今日讲座”。
与此同时，她也极富创造力和创新精神。她写作、绘画，并在纽约和巴黎举办过个人作品展；她积极致力于为世界带来更多和平，因此与联合国和外交政策协会合作。她认为，如果我们都能拥有一个共同的节日，世界将会更加和平，于是她创立了自己的世界节日——感恩节。她极具创新精神，在很多方面都远远超越了她所处的时代。例如，当她看到十几岁的孩子们把沉重的书本抱在胸前，或者装在沉重的公文包里时，她从瑞士进口了专门用来装书的背包。可想而知，这个主意很快就流行起来了。她看到哥本哈根机场的飞行员骑着摩托车穿梭，于是也把摩托车进口了过来。
她总是能把事情变得很有趣。我记得我小时候是扁平足，所以她会把弹珠扔得满屋子都是，然后我们比赛看谁能用脚趾捡起最多的弹珠。客厅里有一张圆床。和埃德娜在一起的时候，总是充满欢声笑语。
她也喜欢聚会。我高中最后一年在夏威夷的普纳荷学校读。毕业前，我告诉同学们，如果有人要去东部上大学，感恩节没地方住，欢迎来我们纽约的家。结果周末来了38个人。他们都留宿了，家里到处都是人。我妈可高兴了。
她对她所爱的人慷慨无比。我敢说，在座的每一位都曾被她的慷慨所感动。她感恩节的象征，也是她一生的象征，是丰饶之角，象征着无尽的富足和奉献。而她也身体力行地践行着这一点。
我们的关系在十年前开始发生变化，当时我拍了一部关于她的电影，叫做《艾德娜的电影》。她的故事被托付给了我。
而且，随着年龄增长，她也变得温柔起来。五年多前，一天早上五点半，我接到她一位在夏威夷的护理人员打来的电话。她说我母亲高烧不退，心跳加速，血压极低，得了肺炎，正在急诊室接受治疗。我说：“我马上就到。” 我在旧金山转机的时候，接到了我母亲的一位挚友——谢丽·加维医生的电话。她是一位医生，四十多年来一直关爱着我的母亲。她对我说：“你到了岛上之后，别先去酒店，直接来医院。我觉得可能要几个小时了。” 我说：“谢丽，我还要飞六个小时呢。你悄悄告诉她我会过来，她最好等着。” 谢丽照做了。我母亲也等了。我抵达夏威夷后，直接去了医院，在接下来的八天里一直握着她的手。
正是在那段时间里，我们的关系发生了转变。她再也无法掌控任何事情。但我们坐在一起，聊天，她甚至唱歌给我听。仿佛她展现出了佛教所说的“本相”，也就是你出生之前的那张脸。她温柔、美丽、光彩照人、充满爱意，而我对她的感受也正是如此。在那与她独处的一周里，我终于有机会告诉她我爱她，以及我多么感激她为我和我的家人所做的一切。除了她自己，所有人都以为她即将离世，所以我把那些我以为可能再也没有机会说出口的话都说了出来。一天下午，我坐在她的床边，握着她的手。她闭着眼睛。我告诉她我爱她，我感谢她。我告诉她，我们都喜欢有她在身边，但如果到了她想离开的地步，也没关系。我们会想念她，但她要去的地方很安全，在那里她会得到爱，在这里她也会得到爱。她一动不动。我说：“妈妈，我爱你，我想让你知道，我原谅你所有可能无意中伤害过我的地方。”她一动不动，连睫毛都没眨一下，但我通过心灵感应清晰地听到了她的声音：“原谅我什么？我做错什么了？”我笑了。真是典型的埃德娜。她心地善良，依然保持着她一贯的风格。
之后，她的病情稳定下来，并决定坚持到90岁生日。那是五年前的事了。上周，在她95岁生日后的六天，她去世了。在过去的五年里，我去看望了她大约25次。那段时光变得如此美好。
我很荣幸能在她生命的最后几天陪伴在她身边，并在她离世时在她身边。谢丽·加维也一直陪伴着她，在我母亲生命的最后两天里，她几乎日夜不停地照顾着她。在她生命的最后几个小时里，她的孩子们和孙辈们都告诉她他们爱她。我播放了为她85岁生日制作的影片，让她能够听到她的所有孩子、孙辈、女婿罗比·博斯纳克，以及像今天在场的艾拉·克莱恩这样的朋友们，告诉她他们爱她、感激她。她也能听到自己清晰而有力的声音，讲述着自己的故事，留下自己的遗言。最后，妈妈勇敢而温柔地离开了人世，在爱的包围中安详地离世。
我很感激过去五年我们能共度时光，也很感激有机会治愈我们前58年关系中的种种困难，如今，我们以深深的爱和感激之情告别，共同缅怀这位杰出的女性。埃德娜，我们会想念你的。
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Thank you, brought back memories of my dad. Would love to watch the movie.
Very poignant story 😢
Mickey- I just read your beautiful tribute to Edna Fuerth Lemle and I now understand how and why you turned out to be the person you are. As we approach the halfway point between one World Gratitude Day and the next, I will try, at least, to think of your mother on that inspired day of hers. I note at the end of the New Yorker article that while she did not expect the world to reach the then far off year of 2000, the world did, and she did, too. You are truly fortunate to have had her in your life and I'm glad that uoungot to spend so mich time with her at the end of her life. I look forward to giving you a hug of gratitude when Imhope to see you at our 45th reunion in three short months. - Walter Zimmerman, London, Ontario
Hey Mickey,
That was kind of you to share with us the experience of having such a mother. Whatever relationship you have with your mother matters alot in life. We have a saying that goes,' Something that gets lost and you will never find is your mother'. You are blessed that you talked to her before she passed away. Those are sweet memories that will be treasured by you. Your mum is a remarkable woman and may her soul rest in eternal peace.
Kindly send to me your email and Edna the movie. Thank you so much and you have touched my heart.
Margaret Ntakalimaze- Ugandan
Email: ntakameg@yahoo.com
+256-772 589948
Wow, I just relived my past reading your mother's eulogy. I too experienced the "blessing" of getting close to my mother in the last five years of her life. Somehow we both softened and blended perfectly when we needed it the most. She was an amazing woman, a great teacher, and I'm eternally grateful to her for choosing me and knowing just what I needed.
I could relate about a child's transformational experience with difficult parents. I am still there. I love it how they taught us TREMENDOUSLY along the way and how much we appreciate our life --- who we are and what we become have become. As difficult as the relationships may have been, we feel over- blessed by having them in our lives, we draw special forces and special people in our lives because we have special experiences with our parents. Love it!
This is a beautiful account of the power of love and forgiveness. Thank you Mickey. Love and blessings - you have touched my heart.
Thank you, so sweet!
I really was moved and intrigued by this article and eulogy. And it is possibly no coincidence that I am listening to a book right now (The Geography of Bliss) in which the narrator is visiting Bhutan! Blessings to you and thank you for what you shared.
Thank you Mickey for such a beautiful and moving post, it resonated with me on a deep level. My mom recently passed in November at age 83 and I too wrote a tribute to her that was incredibly healing -- http://renaissancelearner.c...
Although our relationship was complex like yours and I too had been given the gift of making amends and experiencing deepening love after several of her near death experiences due to cardiovascular disease over the years, it wasn't until I started writing the tribute and really took time to reflect on everything I'd learned from her that I began to fully appreciate her in a whole new light. She touched so many people in simple ways and I realize how much her spirit lives on in me and those who were blessed to be around her.
Your mom was a remarkable woman, I'd love to see Edna the movie! Thank you for sharing your experience on this journey with your mom.
[Hide Full Comment]happy birthday Mom, Ruth Alice Mae Morrow -Munro Jan2 1928-June 9 2010 I know your having a good time in Heaven, miss you, laurie