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<div class="story-meta-left"> <div class="story-logo"> <a href="https://www.dailygood.org"> <img alt="DailyGood" src="https://www.karunanews.org/pics/90x90.jpg"> </a> </div> <div class="story-meta-info"> <div class="story-author">By <a href="/author?name=On%20Being">On Being</a></div> <div class="story-details"> <span class="story-date">Jan 15, 2019</span> <span class="story-read-time">9 min read</span> </div> <div class="story-source">Source: <a href="https://onbeing.org/programs/rachel-naomi-remen-the-difference-between-fixing-and-healing-nov2018/" target="_blank">onbeing.org</a></div> </div> </div>  <div class="story-meta-right">  <div class="utility-buttons"> <div class="dropdown"> <button class="utility-btn translate-btn dropdown-toggle py-1" type="button" id="translationDropdown" data-bs-toggle="dropdown" aria-expanded="false"> <i class="fa fa-language me-2" aria-hidden="true"></i>Catalan </button> <ul class="dropdown-menu dropdown-menu-end translation-dropdown" 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que jo m'ho creia. Durant els següents 15 anys, mai vaig qüestionar aquesta conclusió. Crec que una objectivitat científica massa gran et pot fer cec.</p><p> SRTA. TIPPETT: Què en pensa ara?</p><p> DR. REMEN: Crec que aquesta va ser una de les trobades amb el misteri més puristes que he tingut mai a la vida. Em fa preguntar qui som, què és possible per a nosaltres, com funciona realment aquest món. No tinc respostes, però tinc moltes preguntes, i aquestes preguntes m'han ajudat a viure millor que qualsevol resposta que pogués trobar.</p><p> [ <em>música: "Hem" de Tvärvägen</em> ]</p><p> SRA. TIPPETT: Sóc la Krista Tippett i avui us presento <em>a "On Being"</em> . La Dra. Rachel Naomi Remen.</p><p> SRA. TIPPETT: Una cosa que he trobat interessant quan escrius sobre treballar amb metges: intentes fer-los sentir còmodes amb la pèrdua i que ho entenguin com a part de la seva feina, de les seves vides, de la seva vida laboral. Però, de nou, parles de metges, però acabes fent observacions interessants que s'apliquen a tots nosaltres sobre la pèrdua. Parla'm del que has après sobre la pèrdua.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Bé, ara iniciarem cinc hores... [ <em>riu</em> ] Més petit, Krista, fes-lo més petit. [ <em>riu</em> ]</p><p> SRA. TIPPETT: Bé, doncs. Aquí teniu la frase que vaig escriure: «La manera com afrontem la pèrdua configura la nostra capacitat d'estar presents a la vida més que qualsevol altra cosa. La manera com ens protegim de la pèrdua pot ser la manera com ens allunyem de la vida».</p><p> DR. REMEN: Crec que això és absolutament correcte.</p><p> SRA. TIPPETT: És un pensament tan impactant, de veritat.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Crec que és correcte. També crec que ningú se sent còmode amb la pèrdua. Com que som una cultura tecnològica, el nostre desig o la nostra primera resposta a la pèrdua és intentar solucionar-la. Quan ens trobem en presència d'una pèrdua que no es pot solucionar, que són moltes pèrdues, ens sentim impotents i incòmodes i tenim tendència a fugir, ja sigui emocionalment o realment distanciant-nos. I solucionar-ho és una estratègia massa petita per afrontar la pèrdua. El que ensenyem als estudiants és una cosa molt senzilla.</p><p> SRTA. TIPPETT: Els estudiants de medicina?</p><p> DR. REMEN: Sí. Els ensenyem el poder de la seva presència, simplement de ser-hi i escoltar i presenciar una altra persona i preocupar-se per la pèrdua d'una altra persona, deixant que importi. Fem sis hores sobre pèrdues, dues sessions de tres hores, i els estudiants reben una instrucció molt senzilla, que és que se'ls demana que recordin una història de pèrdua de les seves pròpies vides, i una pèrdua —diguem-ho d'una altra manera— un moment en què les coses no van anar com volien, en què es van decebre, en què van perdre un somni o una relació o fins i tot un membre de la família, una mort.</p><p> Poden triar això i després passen sis hores en grups petits parlant sobre la seva pèrdua. I el grup té una instrucció: escolteu amb generositat. Ara, abans d'aquest exercici, fem un altre exercici amb ells on els demanem que recordin un moment de decepció i pèrdua i que recordin algú que els va ajudar. Què va fer aquesta persona? Què va dir? Quin missatge va transmetre que els va ser útil en un moment difícil de les seves vides? I escriuen aquestes coses de manera molt concreta. Després els demanem que recordin un moment de pèrdua a les seves vides i que recordin algú que volia ajudar-los però no els va ser d'ajuda. Què va fer i dir aquesta persona, quin missatge va transmetre i com el va transmetre? I ho escriuen.</p><p> I després fem una gran llista. «Què són totes les coses que van ajudar?» «Em van escoltar durant tot el temps que vaig necessitar parlar.» «Em van parlar de la mateixa manera després de la meva pèrdua com ho feien abans de la meva pèrdua.» «Es van asseure amb mi.» «Em van tocar.» «Em van portar menjar.» Què van ser les coses que no van ajudar? «Em van donar consells sense saber tota la història.» «Em van fer sentir que la pèrdua va ser culpa meva.» Així que recollim la saviesa sobre què ajuda a curar la pèrdua d'un grup d'un centenar d'estudiants i professors, i tot és molt senzill. I l'única instrucció és: Escolta amb generositat.</p><p> SRA. TIPPETT: De nou, em recorda com vam començar a parlar del poder de les històries en les vides humanes, i la seva analogia que les històries són la carn que posem sobre els ossos dels fets sobre les nostres vides. Crec que és molt poderós només pensar en aquest fet obvi, però de nou un d'aquests fets obvis que no anomenem gaire sovint, que la pèrdua no és només una mort catastròfica. Hi ha molts tipus diferents de pèrdues a les nostres vides tot el temps, i després aquesta idea sorprenent que vostè planteja que la manera com afrontem aquestes pèrdues, grans i petites, realment pot ajudar o interferir en la manera com afrontem la resta de les nostres vides, amb el que tenim. No només el que hem perdut.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Crec que és així. De debò. Com ho puc dir? La majoria de la gent intenta aferrar-se a allò que ja no forma part de les seves vides i, d'aquesta manera, s'atura a si mateixa a la vida. He arribat a veure la pèrdua com una etapa d'un procés. No és el resultat final. No és el final de la història. El que passa després és molt i molt important. I la gent respon a les pèrdues de maneres diferents. Quan vaig emmalaltir per primera vegada, estava enfurismat. Odiava totes les persones sanes. Sentia que era una víctima i això era injust. Vaig estar enfurismat durant uns 10 anys. Crec que tota aquella ràbia era la meva voluntat de viure expressada d'una manera molt negativa.</p><p> La gent sovint s'enfada en el context d'una pèrdua terrible. Sovint senten enveja d'altres persones, i aquest és un punt de partida. Però amb el temps les coses evolucionen i canvien. I com a mínim, les persones que han perdut molt poden reconèixer que no són víctimes, són supervivents. Són persones que han trobat la força per superar alguna cosa inimaginable per a elles, potser, en el passat. I només fent aquesta pregunta a la gent: "Has patit una pèrdua realment profunda. A què has recorregut per obtenir la teva força?" La majoria de la gent ni tan sols s'ha adonat de la seva força. Estan completament concentrats en el seu dolor.</p><p> SRA. TIPPETT: Sobre la seva pèrdua.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Sobre el seu dolor. I no és natural, Krista?</p><p> SRA. TIPPETT: Hi ha quelcom de molt esperançador al llarg dels seus escrits, fins i tot quan tracta sobre la pèrdua i el costat dur i fosc de ser humà. Vull dir, vostè insisteix —i no estic segur que la psiquiatria moderna insisteixi en això— que la integritat és assolible per a tothom, que la veu arribar a la gent, i de vegades arriba a la gent en crisi. Diu que la plenitud mai es perd, només s'oblida.</p><p> DR. REMEN: La plenitud inclou totes les nostres ferides. Inclou totes les nostres vulnerabilitats. És el nostre jo autèntic i no jutja les nostres ferides ni les nostres vulnerabilitats. Simplement diu: "Aquesta és la manera com ens connectem els uns amb els altres". Sovint ens connectem a través de les nostres ferides, a través de la saviesa que hem adquirit, el creixement que ens ha succeït. El fet que hem estat ferits ens permet ajudar altres persones. Per tant, no és un judici moral. La integritat simplement significa allò que és veritat, viure des del lloc dins teu que té la veritat més gran. I aquesta veritat també està en constant evolució.</p><p> [ <em>música: «Dawn» de Jacob Montague</em> ]</p><p> SRA. TIPPETT: Rachel Naomi Remen és fundadora del Remen Institute for the Study of Health and Illness, professora clínica de medicina familiar a la Facultat de Medicina de la UCSF i professora de medicina familiar a la Facultat de Medicina Boonshoft de la Universitat Estatal de Wright. Entre els seus llibres preferits hi ha <em>Kitchen Table Wisdom</em> i <em>My Grandfather's Blessings</em> .</p><p> PERSONAL: A On <em>Being hi ha</em> Chris Heagle, Lily Percy, Mariah Helgeson, Maia Tarrell, Marie Sambilay, Erinn Farrell, Laurén Dørdal, Tony Liu, Bethany Iverson, Erin Colasacco, Kristin Lin, Profit Idowu, Casper ter Kuile, Angie Thurston, Sue Phillips, Eddie Gonzalez, Lilian Vo, Lucas Johnson, Damon Lee, Suzette Burley i Katie Gordon.</p><p> SRA. TIPPETT: I en aquests dies al voltant d'Acció de Gràcies, també tenim la tradició d'agrair a totes les persones que fan possible <em>On Being</em> entre bastidors. Entre elles hi ha:</p><p> Heather Wang, la nostra transcriptora; Brian Carmody, el nostre enllaç de premsa; Tom Fletcher, Jim Hessian i l'equip de Two Betty's, socis del nostre espai de Loring Park; Jerry Colonna i la meravellosa gent de Reboot. Kristin Jones Pierre i el seu equip de Faegre Baker Daniels. Heidi Grinde, Mary Warner, Hannah Ericksen, Michele Wagman i les nostres sòcies de Clifton Larson Allen, i els membres sortints de la junta Julie Zelle i Jeffrey Walker.</p><p> [ <em>música: “Time” de City of the Sun</em> ]</p><p> També estem molt agraïts a Micah Thor, Joe Kessler i la gent de Tech Guru; Emily Oberman i els nostres socis de disseny estel·lars de Pentagram; Tito Bottitta, Emily Theis, Andy Rader, Holly Copeland, Nick Braica i tot l'equip d'Upstatement; Keith Yamashita i la gent de SY Partners; i PRX —Public Radio Exchange—, incloent-hi Kerri Hoffman, John Barth, Kathleen Unwin, Sean Nesbitt, Andrew Kuklewicz i Paloma Orozco.</p><p> Un agraïment especial a la Multiversity 1440 i a totes les persones que van sol·licitar, van assistir o van gaudir de les nostres gravacions de The On Being Gathering: una comunitat i una energia contínues que van ser una alegria particular durant l'any passat.</p><p> També vam tenir la sort de col·laborar amb una sèrie d'organitzacions extraordinàries, com ara la Fundació Obama, la Unió per al Judaisme Reformista, la Universitat de Montana-Missoula i la Ràdio Pública de Montana, el Museu Memorial de l'Holocaust dels Estats Units, ArtReach St. Croix, B'Nai Jeshurun, Women Moving Millions, l'Orquestra de Cambra de St. Paul, el Departament d'Educació del Comtat d'Orange, el Festival de Poesia Geraldine R. Dodge, The Solutions Journalism Network i el Festival de Podcasts per a Dones Werk It de WNYC Studios.</p><p> [ <em>música: “Everything” de City of the Sun</em> ]</p><p> I finalment, el nostre estimat consell de saviesa, Jay Cowles i Konda Mason. Gràcies.</p><p> La nostra bonica música de tema està composta i proporcionada per Zoë Keating. I l'última veu que sentiu cantant els nostres crèdits finals a cada espectacle és l'artista de hip-hop Lizzo.</p><p> <em>On Being</em> va ser creat a American Public Media. Els nostres socis finançadors inclouen:</p><p> L'Institut Fetzer, ajudant a construir la base espiritual per a un món amorós. Els trobareu a fetzer.org.</p><p> Fundació Kalliopeia, treballant per crear un futur on els valors espirituals universals formin la base de com cuidem la nostra llar comuna.</p><p> Humanity United, promovent la dignitat humana a casa i arreu del món. Més informació a humanityunited.org, que forma part del Grup Omidyar.</p><p> La Fundació Henry Luce, en suport de la Teologia Pública Reimaginada.</p><p> La Fundació Osprey: un catalitzador per a vides empoderades, saludables i plenes.</p><p> I la Lilly Endowment, una fundació familiar privada amb seu a Indianapolis dedicada als interessos dels seus fundadors en la religió, el desenvolupament comunitari i l'educació.</p> </div> </div>    <div class="inline-share-icons border-0 mt-0 pt-0"> <div class="d-flex align-items-center"> <span class="me-3 fw-semibold">Share this story:</span> <div> <a href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailygood.org%2Fstory%2F2207%2Fthe-difference-between-fixing-and-healing-on-being%2F" target="_blank" class="share-icon" aria-label="Share on Facebook"> <i class="fab fa-facebook-f"></i> </a> <a 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function onSubmit(token) { document.getElementById("comment-form").submit(); }</script> <h3 class="h5 pb-2 section-header mt-5"> <i class="bi bi-people text-success"></i> <span>1 PAST RESPONSES</span> <hr> </h3> <div id="cmtlist" class="mt-4"> <div class="comment-item" id="cmt_7937"> <div class="comment-container"> <div class="comment-avatar"> <img src="https://pod.servicespace.org/pics/mem/blank.jpg" alt="User avatar"> </div> <div class="comment-content-wrapper"> <div class="comment-meta"> <span class="comment-author">Patrick Watters</span> <span class="comment-date">Jan 15, 2019</span> <a href="https://www.dailygood.org/story/2207/-iframe-frameborder-no-height-300-scrolling-no-src-https-w-soundcloud-com-player-url-https-3a-api-soundcloud-com-tracks-533017170-and-color-23ff5500-and-auto-play-false-and-hide-related-false-and-show-comments-true-and-show-user-true-and-show-on-being/?t=showComment&cid=7937" class="ms-auto link-icon text-muted"><i class='fa fa-link'></i></a> </div> <div class="comment-content"> <p>Wise spiritual leaders (sages) know the truth of the true self and that too of the “wounded healer” (Nouwen). }:- 💔~❤️ anonemoose monk</p> </div> <div class="comment-actions"> <a href="https://www.dailygood.org/story/2207/-iframe-frameborder-no-height-300-scrolling-no-src-https-w-soundcloud-com-player-url-https-3a-api-soundcloud-com-tracks-533017170-and-color-23ff5500-and-auto-play-false-and-hide-related-false-and-show-comments-true-and-show-user-true-and-show-on-being/?t=showComment&cid=7937#addcomment" class="reply-link" data-cmt-id="7937" data-cmt-author="Patrick Watters"><i class="bi bi-reply"></i> Reply</a> <span class="btn-light post_btn small"></span> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <script> $(document).ready(function() { // Toggle between short and full comments $('.see_full_cmt').on('click', function(e) { e.preventDefault(); var cid = $(this).attr('cid'); $('.short_cmt' + cid).hide(); $('.long_cmt' + cid).show(); }); 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