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<div class="story-meta-left"> <div class="story-logo"> <a href="https://www.dailygood.org"> <img alt="DailyGood" src="https://www.karunanews.org/pics/90x90.jpg"> </a> </div> <div class="story-meta-info"> <div class="story-author">By <a href="/author?name=On%20Being">On Being</a></div> <div class="story-details"> <span class="story-date">Jan 15, 2019</span> <span class="story-read-time">9 min read</span> </div> <div class="story-source">Source: <a href="https://onbeing.org/programs/rachel-naomi-remen-the-difference-between-fixing-and-healing-nov2018/" target="_blank">onbeing.org</a></div> </div> </div>  <div class="story-meta-right">  <div class="utility-buttons"> <div class="dropdown"> <button class="utility-btn translate-btn dropdown-toggle py-1" type="button" id="translationDropdown" data-bs-toggle="dropdown" aria-expanded="false"> <i class="fa fa-language me-2" aria-hidden="true"></i>Filipino </button> <ul class="dropdown-menu dropdown-menu-end translation-dropdown" 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id="dg_story"> <div class="dark-link perm_post"> nakakahiyang part ng story na ito ay naniwala ako dito. Sa susunod na 15 taon, hindi ko kinuwestiyon ang konklusyong ito. Sa tingin ko, ang napakahusay na objectivity sa agham ay maaaring maging bulag sa iyo.</p><p> MS. TIPPETT: Ano sa tingin mo ngayon?</p><p> DR. REMEN: I think that was one of the purist encounters with mystery that I have ever had in my life. Napapaisip ako kung sino tayo, kung ano ang posible para sa atin, kung paano talaga gumagana ang mundong ito. Wala akong mga sagot, ngunit marami akong tanong, at ang mga tanong na iyon ay nakatulong sa akin na mamuhay nang mas mahusay kaysa sa anumang mga sagot na maaari kong mahanap.</p><p> [ <em>musika: “Hem” ni Tvärvägen</em> ]</p><p> MS. TIPPETT: Ako si Krista Tippett at ito ay <em>On Being</em> . Ngayon kasama si Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen.</p><p> MS. TIPPETT: Isang bagay na nakita kong kawili-wili noong sumulat ka tungkol sa pagtatrabaho sa mga manggagamot — sinusubukan mong gawing komportable sila sa pagkawala at unawain iyon bilang bahagi ng kanilang mga trabaho, kanilang buhay, kanilang buhay sa pagtatrabaho. Ngunit muli, pinag-uusapan mo ang tungkol sa mga manggagamot, ngunit nagtatapos ka sa paggawa ng mga kawili-wiling obserbasyon na naaangkop sa lahat ng iba pa sa amin, tungkol sa pagkawala. Makipag-usap sa akin tungkol sa kung ano ang natutunan mo tungkol sa pagkawala.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Well, ngayon ay magsisimula tayo ng limang oras... [ <em>laughs</em> ] Mas maliit, Krista, paliitin mo. [ <em>tumawa</em> ]</p><p> MS. TIPPETT: Well, sige. Narito ang pangungusap na isinulat ko: "Ang paraan ng ating pakikitungo sa pagkawala ay humuhubog sa ating kapasidad na naroroon sa buhay nang higit sa anupaman. Ang paraan ng pagprotekta sa ating sarili mula sa pagkawala ay maaaring ang paraan kung saan inilalayo natin ang ating sarili sa buhay."</p><p> DR. REMEN: Sa tingin ko ito ay ganap na tama.</p><p> MS. TIPPETT: Iyan ay isang nakakagulat na pag-iisip, talaga.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Sa tingin ko tama. Iniisip ko rin na walang sinuman ang komportable sa pagkawala. Dahil tayo ay isang teknolohikal na kultura, ang ating hiling o ang ating unang tugon sa pagkawala ay subukan at ayusin ito. Kapag tayo ay nasa presensya ng isang pagkawala na hindi maaayos, na kung saan ay isang napakaraming pagkalugi, nakadarama tayo ng kawalan ng kakayahan at hindi komportable at mayroon tayong posibilidad na tumakas, emosyonal man o talagang dumistansya ang ating sarili. At ang pag-aayos ay napakaliit na diskarte upang harapin ang pagkawala. Ang itinuturo namin sa mga mag-aaral ay isang bagay na napakasimple.</p><p> MS. TIPPETT: Yung mga medical students?</p><p> DR. REMEN: Oo. Itinuturo namin sa kanila ang kapangyarihan ng kanilang presensya, ng simpleng pagiging naroroon at pakikinig at pagsaksi sa ibang tao at pagmamalasakit sa pagkawala ng ibang tao, hayaan itong mahalaga. Gumagawa tayo ng anim na oras sa pagkawala, dalawang tatlong oras na sesyon, at ang mga mag-aaral ay may napakasimpleng pagtuturo, ibig sabihin, hinihiling sa kanila na alalahanin ang isang kuwento ng pagkawala mula sa kanilang sariling buhay, at pagkawala — ilagay natin sa ibang paraan — isang panahon kung saan ang mga bagay ay hindi natuloy, nang sila ay nabigo, nang sila ay nawalan ng pangarap o isang relasyon o kahit isang miyembro ng pamilya, isang kamatayan.</p><p> Mapipili nila iyon, at pagkatapos ay gumugugol sila ng anim na oras sa maliliit na grupo na pinag-uusapan ang kanilang pagkawala. At ang grupo ay may isang tagubilin: Makinig nang bukas-palad. Ngayon, bago ang pagsasanay na ito, gumawa kami ng isa pang ehersisyo kasama sila kung saan hinihiling namin sa kanila na alalahanin ang isang panahon ng pagkabigo at pagkawala at alalahanin ang isang taong tumulong sa kanila. Ano ang ginawa ng taong iyon? Ano ang sinabi nila? Anong mensahe ang kanilang naihatid na nakatulong sa kanila sa kahirapan sa kanilang buhay? At isinulat nila ang mga bagay na ito nang napakakonkreto. Pagkatapos ay hinihiling namin sa kanila na alalahanin ang isang panahon ng pagkawala sa kanilang buhay at alalahanin ang isang taong gustong tumulong sa kanila ngunit hindi tumulong sa kanila. Ano ang ginawa at sinabi ng taong iyon, at anong mensahe ang inihatid nila, at paano nila inihatid ang mensahe? At isinulat nila iyon.</p><p> At pagkatapos ay gumawa kami ng isang malaking listahan. "Ano ang lahat ng mga bagay na nakatulong?" "Nakinig sa akin hangga't kailangan kong makipag-usap." "Nakipag-usap sa akin sa parehong paraan pagkatapos ng aking pagkawala tulad ng ginawa nila bago ang aking pagkawala." "Umupo sa akin." "Hinawakan ako." "Binalhan kita ng pagkain." Ano ang mga bagay na hindi nakatulong? "Binigyan mo ako ng payo nang hindi alam ang buong kuwento." "Ipinaramdam sa akin na ang pagkawala ay kasalanan ko." Kaya tinitipon namin ang karunungan tungkol sa kung ano ang tumutulong sa pagkawala upang gumaling mula sa isang grupo ng humigit-kumulang isang daang mag-aaral at guro, at lahat ng ito ay napakasimpleng bagay. At ang tanging tagubilin ay: Makinig nang bukas-palad.</p><p> MS. TIPPETT: Muli, ibinabalik sa akin kung paano tayo nagsimulang mag-usap tungkol sa kapangyarihan ng mga kuwento sa buhay ng tao, at ang iyong pagkakatulad na ang mga kuwento ay ang laman na inilalagay natin sa mga buto ng mga katotohanan tungkol sa ating buhay. Sa palagay ko napakalakas na isipin ang malinaw na katotohanang ito, ngunit muli ang isa sa mga malinaw na katotohanang hindi natin madalas pangalanan, na ang pagkawala ay hindi lamang sakuna na kamatayan. Mayroong maraming iba't ibang uri ng mga pagkalugi sa ating buhay sa lahat ng oras, at pagkatapos ay ang ganitong uri ng nakamamanghang ideya na ilalabas mo na ang paraan ng pagharap natin sa mga pagkalugi, malaki man o maliit, ay talagang makakatulong o makahadlang sa paraan ng pakikitungo natin sa natitirang bahagi ng ating buhay, sa kung ano ang mayroon tayo. Hindi lang kung ano ang nawala sa amin.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Sa tingin ko ay ganito. ginagawa ko talaga. Paano ko ito ilalagay? Karamihan sa mga tao ay nagsisikap na hawakan ang bagay na hindi na bahagi ng kanilang buhay, at pinipigilan nila ang kanilang mga sarili sa kanilang buhay sa ganoong paraan. Nakita ko ang pagkawala bilang isang yugto sa isang proseso. Hindi ito ang bottom line. Hindi ito ang katapusan ng kwento. Ang susunod na mangyayari ay napakahalaga. At ang mga tao ay tumugon sa mga pagkalugi sa iba't ibang paraan. Noong una akong nagkasakit, nagalit ako. Kinasusuklaman ko ang lahat ng mahusay na tao. Nadama ko na ako ay isang biktima at ito ay hindi patas. Nagalit ako ng halos 10 taon. Sa tingin ko ang lahat ng galit na iyon ay ang aking kalooban na mabuhay na ipinahayag sa isang napaka-negatibong paraan.</p><p> Ang mga tao ay madalas na nagagalit sa sitwasyon ng isang kakila-kilabot na pagkawala. Madalas silang naiinggit sa ibang tao, at ito ang panimulang lugar. Ngunit sa paglipas ng panahon, nagbabago at nagbabago ang mga bagay. At least, ang mga taong nawalan ng malaking halaga ay makikilala na hindi sila biktima, sila ay mga nakaligtas. Sila ay mga tao na nakahanap ng lakas upang lumipat sa isang bagay na hindi nila maisip, marahil, sa nakaraan. At ang pagtatanong lang sa mga tao ng tanong na iyon: "Naranasan mo ang isang napakalalim na pagkawala. Ano ang hinihiling mo para sa iyong lakas?" Karamihan sa mga tao ay hindi napansin ang kanilang lakas. Sila ay ganap na nakatutok sa kanilang sakit.</p><p> MS. TIPPETT: Sa kanilang pagkawala.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Sa sakit nila. At hindi ba natural iyon, Krista?</p><p> MS. TIPPETT: Mayroong isang bagay na lubos na umaasa sa lahat ng paraan sa pamamagitan ng iyong pagsusulat, kahit na ito ay tungkol sa pagkawala at sa mahirap, madilim na bahagi ng pagiging tao. Ibig kong sabihin, iginigiit mo — at hindi ako sigurado na iginigiit ito ng modernong psychiatry — na ang integridad ay makakamit para sa lahat, na nakikita mong dumarating ito sa mga tao, at kung minsan ito ay dumarating sa mga taong nasa krisis. Sabi mo ang kabuoan ay hindi mawawala, ito ay nakalimutan lamang.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Kasama sa wholeness ang lahat ng ating mga sugat. Kabilang dito ang lahat ng ating mga kahinaan. Ito ang ating tunay na sarili, at hindi ito humahatol sa ating mga sugat o sa ating mga kahinaan. Ang sabi lang nito, "Ito ang paraan ng pagkonekta natin sa isa't isa." Kadalasan ay kumokonekta tayo sa pamamagitan ng ating mga sugat, sa pamamagitan ng karunungan na ating natamo, sa paglago na nangyari sa atin. Dahil tayo ay nasugatan ay nagpapahintulot sa atin na makatulong sa ibang tao. Kaya hindi ito moral na paghatol. Ang integridad ay nangangahulugan lamang kung ano ang totoo, ang mamuhay mula sa lugar sa iyo na may pinakamalaking katotohanan. At ang katotohanang iyon ay palaging umuunlad din.</p><p> [ <em>musika: "Dawn" ni Jacob Montague</em> ]</p><p> MS. TIPPETT: Si Rachel Naomi Remen ay nagtatag ng Remen Institute para sa Pag-aaral ng Kalusugan at Sakit, klinikal na propesor ng gamot sa pamilya sa UCSF School of Medicine at propesor ng gamot sa pamilya sa Boonhoft School of Medicine sa Wright State University. Kasama sa kanyang mga minamahal na libro <em>ang Karunungan sa Mesa sa Kusina</em> at <em>ang Mga Pagpapala ng Aking Lolo</em> .</p><p> STAFF: On <em>Being</em> ay Chris Heagle, Lily Percy, Mariah Helgeson, Maia Tarrell, Marie Sambillay, Erinn Farrell, Laurén Dørdal, Tony Liu, Bethany Iverson, Erin Colasacco, Kristin Lin, Profit Idowu, Casper ter Kuile, Angie Thurston, Leeoneez Phillips, Sullian G. Burley, at Katie Gordon.</p><p> MS. TIPPETT: At sa mga araw na ito sa paligid ng Thanksgiving, mayroon din tayong tradisyon na magpasalamat sa lahat ng mga taong ginagawang posible <em>ang On Being</em> behind the scenes. Kabilang sa mga ito ang:</p><p> Heather Wang, ang aming transcriber; Brian Carmody, ang aming press liaison; Tom Fletcher, Jim Hessian, at ang koponan sa Two Betty's, ay kasosyo sa aming Loring Park space; Jerry Colonna at ang magagandang tao sa Reboot. Kristin Jones Pierre at ang kanyang koponan sa Faegre Baker Daniels. Heidi Grinde, Mary Warner, Hannah Ericksen, Michele Wagman, at ang aming mga kasosyo sa Clifton Larson Allen, at ang aming mga papalabas na miyembro ng board na sina Julie Zelle at Jeffrey Walker.</p><p> [ <em>musika: "Oras" ng City of the Sun</em> ]</p><p> Lubos din kaming nagpapasalamat kay Micah Thor, Joe Kessler, at sa mga tao ng Tech Guru; Emily Oberman at ang aming stellar design partners sa Pentagram; Tito Bottitta, Emily Theis, Andy Rader, Holly Copeland, Nick Braica, at lahat ng team sa Upstatement; Keith Yamashita, at ang mga tao ng SY Partners; at PRX — ang Public Radio Exchange — kasama sina Kerri Hoffman, John Barth, Kathleen Unwin, Sean Nesbitt, Andrew Kuklewicz, at Paloma Orozco.</p><p> Espesyal na pasasalamat sa 1440 Multiversity at sa lahat ng mga taong nag-apply, dumalo, o nasiyahan sa aming mga recording mula sa The On Being Gathering — isang patuloy na komunidad at enerhiya na isang partikular na kagalakan nitong nakaraang taon.</p><p> Mapalad din kaming nakipagtulungan sa isang hanay ng mga pambihirang organisasyon kabilang ang Obama Foundation, ang Union for Reform Judaism, The University of Montana–Missoula and Montana Public Radio, the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, ArtReach St. Croix, B'Nai Jeshurun, Women Moving Millions, the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra, the Orange County Solusyon Network, ang Orange County Solutions Network, ang Orange County R. Werk It Women's Podcast Festival ng WNYC Studios.</p><p> [ <em>musika: "Everything" ng City of the Sun</em> ]</p><p> At panghuli ang aming minamahal na konseho ng karunungan, sina Jay Cowles at Konda Mason. salamat po.</p><p> Ang aming magagandang theme music ay ibinigay at binubuo ni Zoë Keating. At ang huling boses na maririnig mong kumakanta ng aming mga huling kredito sa bawat palabas ay ang hip-hop artist na si Lizzo.</p><p> <em>Ang On Being</em> ay nilikha sa American Public Media. Kasama sa aming mga kasosyo sa pagpopondo ang:</p><p> Ang Fetzer Institute, na tumutulong sa pagbuo ng espirituwal na pundasyon para sa isang mapagmahal na mundo. Hanapin ang mga ito sa fetzer.org.</p><p> Kalliopeia Foundation, nagtatrabaho upang lumikha ng isang hinaharap kung saan ang mga pangkalahatang espirituwal na halaga ay bumubuo sa pundasyon ng kung paano namin pinangangalagaan ang aming karaniwang tahanan.</p><p> Humanity United, nagsusulong ng dignidad ng tao sa tahanan at sa buong mundo. Alamin ang higit pa sa humanityunited.org, bahagi ng Omidyar Group.</p><p> Ang Henry Luce Foundation, bilang suporta sa Public Theology Reimagined.</p><p> Ang Osprey Foundation – isang katalista para sa empowered, malusog, at ganap na buhay.</p><p> At ang Lilly Endowment, isang nakabase sa Indianapolis, pribadong pundasyon ng pamilya na nakatuon sa mga interes ng mga tagapagtatag nito sa relihiyon, pagpapaunlad ng komunidad, at edukasyon.</p> </div> </div>    <div class="inline-share-icons border-0 mt-0 pt-0"> <div class="d-flex align-items-center"> <span class="me-3 fw-semibold">Share this story:</span> <div> <a href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailygood.org%2Fstory%2F2207%2Fthe-difference-between-fixing-and-healing-on-being%2F" target="_blank" class="share-icon" aria-label="Share on Facebook"> <i class="fab fa-facebook-f"></i> </a> <a href="https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailygood.org%2Fstory%2F2207%2Fthe-difference-between-fixing-and-healing-on-being%2F&text=%3Ciframe+frameborder%3D%22no%22+height%3D%22300%22+scrolling%3D%22no%22+src%3D%22https%3A%2F%2Fw.soundcloud.com%2Fplayer%2F%3Furl%3Dhttps%253A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F533017170%26amp%3Bcolor%3D%2523ff5500%26amp%3Bauto_play%3Dfalse%26amp%3Bhide_related%3Dfalse%26amp%3Bshow_comments%3Dtrue%26amp%3Bshow_user%3Dtrue%26amp%3Bshow_%20%3A%20nakakahiyang+part+ng+story+na+ito+ay+naniwala+ako+dito.+Sa+susunod+na+15+taon%2C+hindi+ko+kinuwestiyon+ang+konklusyong+ito.+Sa+tingin+ko%2C+ang+napakahusay+na+objectivity+sa+agham+ay+maaaring+maging+bulag&via=&hashtags=" target="_blank" class="share-icon" aria-label="Share on Twitter"> <i class="fab fa-twitter"></i> </a> <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/sharing/share-offsite/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailygood.org%2Fstory%2F2207%2Fthe-difference-between-fixing-and-healing-on-being%2F" target="_blank" class="share-icon" aria-label="Share on LinkedIn"> <i class="fab fa-linkedin-in"></i> </a> <a href="https://api.whatsapp.com/send?text=%3Ciframe+frameborder%3D%22no%22+height%3D%22300%22+scrolling%3D%22no%22+src%3D%22https%3A%2F%2Fw.soundcloud.com%2Fplayer%2F%3Furl%3Dhttps%253A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F533017170%26amp%3Bcolor%3D%2523ff5500%26amp%3Bauto_play%3Dfalse%26amp%3Bhide_related%3Dfalse%26amp%3Bshow_comments%3Dtrue%26amp%3Bshow_user%3Dtrue%26amp%3Bshow_%20%3A%20nakakahiyang+part+ng+story+na+ito+ay+naniwala+ako+dito.+Sa+susunod+na+15+taon%2C+hindi+ko+kinuwestiyon+ang+konklusyong+ito.+Sa+tingin+ko%2C+ang+napakahusay+na+objectivity+sa+agham+ay+maaaring+maging+bulag%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailygood.org%2Fstory%2F2207%2Fthe-difference-between-fixing-and-healing-on-being%2F" target="_blank" class="share-icon d-none d-sm-inline-flex" aria-label="Share on WhatsApp"> <i class="fab fa-whatsapp"></i> </a> </div> </div> </div>   <div class="comments-section mt-3 border-top-0"> <a name="addcomment"></a> <h3 class="h5 pb-2 section-header"> <i class="bi bi-chat-quote text-primary"></i> <span>COMMUNITY REFLECTIONS</span> <hr> </h3> <div class="alert alert-success mb-5" role="alert" id="cmtform_box"> <h5 class="card-title mb-3 fw-bold p-0 fs-2">SHARE YOUR REFLECTION</h5> <form id="comment-form" method="post" action="https://www.dailygood.org/story/2207/the-difference-between-fixing-and-healing-on-being/"> <input type="hidden" name="t" value="addComment"> <input type="hidden" name="story_id" value="2207"> <input type="hidden" name="pcmt_id" id="pcmt_id" value=""> <div id="form-message-container" class="mb-3" style="display:none;"></div> <textarea id="comment_text" name="comment_text" rows="3" class="form-control mb-3" placeholder="Share your thoughts on this story..." required></textarea> <div class="row mt-3"> <div class="col-sm-6"> <div class="input-group mb-3"> <span class="input-group-text"><i class="far fa-user"></i></span> <input type="text" name="comment_name" id="comment_name" value="" class="form-control" placeholder="Your name" required> </div> </div> <div class="col-sm-6"> <div class="input-group mb-3"> <span class="input-group-text"><i class="far fa-envelope"></i></span> <input type="email" name="comment_email" id="comment_email" value="" class="form-control" placeholder="Your email (not published)" required> </div> </div> </div> <div class="d-flex justify-content-between align-items-center mt-3"> <div class="form-check"> <input class="form-check-input" type="checkbox" id="subscribe" name="subscribe" value="1"> <label class="form-check-label" for="subscribe"> Notify me of follow-up comments </label> </div> <div>  <button type="submit" class="btn btn-info px-4 g-recaptcha" data-sitekey="6Ld9FbYpAAAAAGIucyXK_lxDVb-6tDGgPuXN0OPm" data-callback='onSubmit' data-action='submit'> <i class="bi bi-send me-2"></i>Post Comment </button> </div> </div> </form> </div> <script src="https://www.google.com/recaptcha/enterprise.js?render=6Ld9FbYpAAAAAGIucyXK_lxDVb-6tDGgPuXN0OPm"></script> <script> function onSubmit(token) { document.getElementById("comment-form").submit(); }</script> <h3 class="h5 pb-2 section-header mt-5"> <i class="bi bi-people text-success"></i> <span>1 PAST RESPONSES</span> <hr> </h3> <div id="cmtlist" class="mt-4"> <div class="comment-item" id="cmt_7937"> <div class="comment-container"> <div class="comment-avatar"> <img src="https://pod.servicespace.org/pics/mem/blank.jpg" alt="User avatar"> </div> <div class="comment-content-wrapper"> <div class="comment-meta"> <span class="comment-author">Patrick Watters</span> <span class="comment-date">Jan 15, 2019</span> <a href="https://www.dailygood.org/story/2207/-iframe-frameborder-no-height-300-scrolling-no-src-https-w-soundcloud-com-player-url-https-3a-api-soundcloud-com-tracks-533017170-and-color-23ff5500-and-auto-play-false-and-hide-related-false-and-show-comments-true-and-show-user-true-and-show-on-being/?t=showComment&cid=7937" class="ms-auto link-icon text-muted"><i class='fa fa-link'></i></a> </div> <div class="comment-content"> <p>Wise spiritual leaders (sages) know the truth of the true self and that too of the “wounded healer” (Nouwen). }:- 💔~❤️ anonemoose monk</p> </div> <div class="comment-actions"> <a href="https://www.dailygood.org/story/2207/-iframe-frameborder-no-height-300-scrolling-no-src-https-w-soundcloud-com-player-url-https-3a-api-soundcloud-com-tracks-533017170-and-color-23ff5500-and-auto-play-false-and-hide-related-false-and-show-comments-true-and-show-user-true-and-show-on-being/?t=showComment&cid=7937#addcomment" class="reply-link" data-cmt-id="7937" data-cmt-author="Patrick Watters"><i class="bi bi-reply"></i> Reply</a> <span class="btn-light post_btn small"></span> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <script> $(document).ready(function() { // Toggle between short and full comments $('.see_full_cmt').on('click', function(e) { e.preventDefault(); 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