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<div class="story-meta-left"> <div class="story-logo"> <a href="https://www.dailygood.org"> <img alt="DailyGood" src="https://www.karunanews.org/pics/90x90.jpg"> </a> </div> <div class="story-meta-info"> <div class="story-author">By <a href="/author?name=On%20Being">On Being</a></div> <div class="story-details"> <span class="story-date">Jan 15, 2019</span> <span class="story-read-time">7 min read</span> </div> <div class="story-source">Source: <a href="https://onbeing.org/programs/rachel-naomi-remen-the-difference-between-fixing-and-healing-nov2018/" target="_blank">onbeing.org</a></div> </div> </div>  <div class="story-meta-right">  <div class="utility-buttons"> <div class="dropdown"> <button class="utility-btn translate-btn dropdown-toggle py-1" type="button" id="translationDropdown" data-bs-toggle="dropdown" aria-expanded="false"> <i class="fa fa-language me-2" aria-hidden="true"></i>Estonian </button> <ul class="dropdown-menu dropdown-menu-end translation-dropdown" 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id="dg_story"> <div class="dark-link perm_post"> Selle loo piinlik osa on see, et ma uskusin seda. Järgmise 15 aasta jooksul ei seadnud ma seda järeldust kunagi kahtluse alla. Ma arvan, et liiga suur teaduslik objektiivsus võib sind pimedaks teha.</p><p> PR. TIPPETT: Mida te nüüd arvate?</p><p> DR. REMEN: Ma arvan, et see oli üks puristlikke kohtumisi müstikaga, mis mul kunagi elus on olnud. See paneb mind mõtlema, kes me oleme, mis on meie jaoks võimalik, kuidas see maailm tegelikult toimib. Mul pole vastuseid, aga mul on palju küsimusi ja need küsimused on aidanud mul elada paremini kui ükski vastused, mida ma võiksin leida.</p><p> [ <em>muusika: Tvärvägeni “Hem”</em></p><p> PR. TIPPETT: Mina olen Krista Tippett ja täna on saates „ <em>On Being</em> ” dr Rachel Naomi Remeniga.</p><p> PR. TIPPETT: Mulle tundus huvitav, kui kirjutate arstidega töötamisest – püüate neid kaotusega harjuda ja mõista, et see on osa nende tööst, elust, tööelust. Aga jällegi, te räägite arstidest, aga lõpuks teete huvitavaid tähelepanekuid kaotuse kohta, mis kehtivad meile kõigile. Rääkige mulle, mida olete kaotuse kohta õppinud.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Noh, nüüd me alustame viietunnist… [ <em>naerab</em> ] Väiksemaks, Krista, tee see väiksemaks. [ <em>naerab</em> ]</p><p> PR. TIPPETT: Olgu siis. Siin on lause, mille ma kirja panin: „See, kuidas me kaotusega toime tuleme, kujundab meie võimet elus kohal olla rohkem kui miski muu. See, kuidas me end kaotuse eest kaitseme, võib olla ka viis, kuidas me end elust distantseerime.“</p><p> DR. REMEN: Ma arvan, et see on täiesti õige.</p><p> PR. TIPPETT: See on tõesti nii šokeeriv mõte.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Ma arvan, et see on õige. Ma arvan ka, et keegi ei tunne end kaotusega mugavalt. Kuna me oleme tehnoloogiline kultuur, on meie soov või esimene reaktsioon kaotusele proovida see parandada. Kui oleme silmitsi kaotusega, mida ei saa parandada, ja neid kaotusi on väga palju, tunneme end abituna ja ebamugavalt ning kipume põgenema, kas emotsionaalselt või distantseeruma. Ja parandamine on liiga väike strateegia kaotusega toimetulekuks. See, mida me õpilastele õpetame, on midagi väga lihtsat.</p><p> PR. TIPPETT: Meditsiinitudengid?</p><p> DR. REMEN: Jah. Me õpetame neile kohaloleku väge, lihtsalt kohalolekut, teise inimese kuulamist ja pealtnägemist ning teise inimese kaotusest hoolimist, selle olulisusele laskmist. Me tegeleme kaotuse teemal kuus tundi, kaks kolmetunnist sessiooni ja õpilastel on väga lihtne juhis, mis seisneb selles, et neil palutakse meenutada kaotuslugu oma elust ja kaotus – ütleme teisiti – aega, mil asjad ei läinud nii, nagu nad tahtsid, mil nad olid pettunud, mil nad kaotasid unistuse või suhte või isegi pereliikme, surma.</p><p> Nad saavad selle valida ja seejärel veedavad nad kuus tundi väikestes gruppides oma kaotusest rääkides. Ja grupil on üks juhis: kuulake lahkelt. Nüüd, enne seda harjutust, teeme nendega teise harjutuse, kus palume neil meenutada pettumuse ja kaotuse aega ning meenutada kedagi, kes neid aitas. Mida see inimene tegi? Mida ta ütles? Millise sõnumi ta edastas, mis oli neile raskel ajal abiks? Ja nad kirjutavad need asjad väga konkreetselt üles. Seejärel palume neil meenutada kaotuse aega oma elus ja meenutada kedagi, kes tahtis neid aidata, aga ei saanud neile abiks olla. Mida see inimene tegi ja ütles ning millist sõnumit ta edastas ja kuidas ta seda sõnumit edastas? Ja nad kirjutavad selle üles.</p><p> Ja siis teeme pika nimekirja. „Mis kõik aitas?“ „Kuulasid mind nii kaua, kui mul oli vaja rääkida.“ „Rääkisid minuga pärast kaotust samamoodi nagu enne.“ „Istusid minuga.“ „Puudutasid mind.“ „Tõid mulle süüa.“ Mis ei aidanud? „Andsid mulle nõu, teadmata kogu lugu.“ „Panid mind tundma, et kaotus oli minu süü.“ Nii kogume umbes saja tudengi ja õppejõu grupilt tarkust selle kohta, mis aitab kaotusel terveneda, ja see kõik on väga lihtne. Ja ainus juhis on: kuulake heldelt.</p><p> PR. TIPPETT: See viib mind taas tagasi selle juurde, kuidas me hakkasime rääkima lugude väest inimelus, ja teie analoogia juurde, et lood on liha, mille me oma elu faktidele kontidele paneme. Ma arvan, et on nii võimas mõelda sellele ilmselgele faktile, aga jällegi üks neist ilmsetest faktidest, mida me eriti tihti ei nimeta, on see, et kaotus ei ole lihtsalt katastroofiline surm. Meie elus on kogu aeg palju erinevaid kaotusi ja siis see hämmastav idee, mille te välja pakute, et see, kuidas me nende kaotustega, nii suurte kui ka väikestega, toime tuleme, võib tõesti aidata või takistada seda, kuidas me ülejäänud eluga toime tuleme, sellega, mis meil on. Mitte ainult sellega, mida oleme kaotanud.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Ma arvan, et see on nii. Tõesti arvan. Kuidas ma seda ütlen? Enamik inimesi püüab kinni hoida asjadest, mis pole enam osa nende elust, ja nad peatavad end sel viisil oma elus. Olen hakanud nägema kaotust kui etappi protsessis. See ei ole lõpp. See ei ole loo lõpp. See, mis edasi saab, on väga-väga oluline. Ja inimesed reageerivad kaotustele erinevalt. Kui ma esimest korda haigestusin, olin ma maruvihane. Ma vihkasin kõiki terveid inimesi. Ma tundsin end ohvrina ja see oli ebaõiglane. Ma olin umbes 10 aastat vihane. Ma arvan, et kogu see viha oli minu elutahe, mis oli väljendatud väga negatiivsel viisil.</p><p> Inimesed on sageli vihased kohutava kaotuse korral. Nad tunnevad sageli kadedust teiste inimeste peale ja see on alguspunkt. Kuid aja jooksul asjad arenevad ja muutuvad. Ja vähemalt suudavad inimesed, kes on palju kaotanud, ära tunda, et nad pole ohvrid, vaid ellujääjad. Nad on inimesed, kes on leidnud jõu, et läbida midagi, mis neile minevikus ehk oli kujuteldamatu. Ja lihtsalt küsida inimestelt seda küsimust: „Olete kogenud tõeliselt sügavat kaotust. Millest olete oma jõu saamiseks abi otsinud?“ Enamik inimesi pole isegi nende tugevust märganud. Nad on täielikult keskendunud oma valule.</p><p> PR. TIPPETT: Nende kaotuse puhul.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Nende valust. Ja kas see pole mitte loomulik, Krista?</p><p> PR. TIPPETT: Teie kirjutistes on midagi väga lootusrikast, isegi kui need käsitlevad kaotust ja inimolemise rasket, tumedat poolt. Ma mõtlen, et te väidate – ja ma pole kindel, kas tänapäeva psühhiaatria seda ka väidab –, et terviklikkus on kõigile saavutatav, et te näete seda inimesteni jõudmas ja mõnikord ka kriisis olevate inimesteni. Te ütlete, et terviklikkus ei kao kunagi, see lihtsalt ununeb.</p><p> DR. REMEN: Terviklikkus hõlmab kõiki meie haavu. See hõlmab kõiki meie haavatavusi. See on meie autentne mina ja see ei mõista kohut meie haavade ega haavatavuste üle. See lihtsalt ütleb: „Nii me üksteisega ühendust loome.“ Tihti loome ühenduse oma haavade kaudu, omandatud tarkuse ja meiega toimunud kasvu kaudu. See, et oleme haavatud, võimaldab meil olla abiks teistele inimestele. Seega ei ole see moraalne hinnang. Ausus tähendab lihtsalt seda, mis on tõsi, elada oma sisemusest lähtuvalt, kus on suurim tõde. Ja see tõde areneb pidevalt.</p><p> [ <em>muusika: Jacob Montague’i „Dawn”</em> ]</p><p> PR. TIPPETT: Rachel Naomi Remen on Remeni Tervise ja Haiguste Uurimise Instituudi asutaja, UCSF-i Meditsiinikooli peremeditsiini kliiniline professor ja Wrighti Riikliku Ülikooli Boonshofti Meditsiinikooli peremeditsiini professor. Tema armastatud raamatute hulka kuuluvad <em>„Kitchen Table Wisdom“</em> ja <em>„My Grandfather's Blessings“</em> .</p><p> PERSONAL: On <em>Being koosseisu</em> kuuluvad Chris Heagle, Lily Percy, Mariah Helgeson, Maia Tarrell, Marie Sambilay, Erinn Farrell, Laurén Dørdal, Tony Liu, Bethany Iverson, Erin Colasacco, Kristin Lin, Profit Idowu, Casper ter Kuile, Angie Thurston, Sue Phillips, Eddie Gonzalez, Lilian Vo, Lucas Johnson, Damon Lee, Suzette Burley ja Katie Gordon.</p><p> PR. TIPPETT: Ja tänupühade ajal on meil ka traditsioon tänada kõiki inimesi, kes teevad <em>On Being'i</em> kulisside taga võimalikuks. Nende hulka kuuluvad:</p><p> Heather Wang, meie transkribeerija; Brian Carmody, meie pressiesindaja; Tom Fletcher, Jim Hessian ja Two Betty's meeskond, kes on meie Loring Parki ruumides töötavad partnerid; Jerry Colonna ja imelised inimesed Rebootist. Kristin Jones Pierre ja tema meeskond Faegre Baker Danielsist. Heidi Grinde, Mary Warner, Hannah Ericksen, Michele Wagman ja meie partnerid Clifton Larson Allenist ning meie lahkuvad juhatuse liikmed Julie Zelle ja Jeffrey Walker.</p><p> [ <em>muusika: „Time” albumilt City of the Sun</em> ]</p><p> Oleme väga tänulikud ka Micah Thorile, Joe Kesslerile ja Tech Guru inimestele; Emily Obermanile ja meie suurepärastele disainipartneritele Pentagramist; Tito Bottittale, Emily Theisile, Andy Raderile, Holly Copelandile, Nick Braicale ja kogu Upstatementi meeskonnale; Keith Yamashitale ja SY Partnersi inimestele; ning PRX-ile – Public Radio Exchange'ile –, sealhulgas Kerri Hoffmanile, John Barthile, Kathleen Unwinile, Sean Nesbittile, Andrew Kuklewiczile ja Paloma Orozcole.</p><p> Eriline tänu 1440. aasta multiversiteedile ja kõigile inimestele, kes kandideerisid, osalesid või nautisid meie salvestisi ürituselt The On Being Gathering – see oli pidev kogukond ja energia, mis oli möödunud aasta eriline rõõm.</p><p> Meil oli õnn teha koostööd ka mitmete erakordsete organisatsioonidega, sealhulgas Obama Fond, Reformjudaismi Liit, Montana-Missoula Ülikool ja Montana Avalik-Raadio, Ameerika Ühendriikide Holokausti Memoriaalmuuseum, ArtReach St. Croix, B'Nai Jeshurun, Women Moving Millions, St. Pauli Kammerorkester, Orange'i maakonna Haridusministeerium, Geraldine R. Dodge'i luulefestival, The Solutions Journalism Network ja WNYC Studiose Werk It naiste taskuhäälingufestival.</p><p> [ <em>muusika: „Everything” albumilt City of the Sun</em> ]</p><p> Ja lõpuks meie armastatud tarkusenõukogu, Jay Cowles ja Konda Mason. Suur aitäh teile.</p><p> Meie armsa tunnusmuusika autor ja looja on Zoë Keating. Viimane hääl, mida te iga saate lõputiitreid laulmas kuulete, on hiphopartist Lizzo.</p><p> American Public Media loodi <em>programm „On Being“</em> . Meie rahastamispartnerite hulka kuuluvad:</p><p> Fetzeri Instituut aitab luua armastava maailma vaimset alust. Leia nad aadressilt fetzer.org.</p><p> Kalliopeia Fond, mis töötab selle nimel, et luua tulevikku, kus universaalsed vaimsed väärtused moodustavad aluse sellele, kuidas me oma ühise kodu eest hoolitseme.</p><p> Humanity United edendab inimväärikust nii kodus kui ka kogu maailmas. Lisateavet leiate aadressilt humanityunited.org, mis on osa Omidyar Groupist.</p><p> Henry Luce'i fond, mis toetab avalikku teoloogiat ümbermõtestatud kujul.</p><p> Osprey Fond – katalüsaator enesekindla, terve ja täisväärtusliku elu jaoks.</p><p> Ja Lilly Endowment, Indianapolisis asuv eraõiguslik perekondlik sihtasutus, mis on pühendunud oma asutajate huvidele religiooni, kogukonna arendamise ja hariduse valdkonnas.</p> </div> </div>    <div class="inline-share-icons border-0 mt-0 pt-0"> <div class="d-flex align-items-center"> <span class="me-3 fw-semibold">Share this story:</span> <div> <a href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dailygood.org%2Fstory%2F2207%2Fthe-difference-between-fixing-and-healing-on-being%2F" target="_blank" class="share-icon" aria-label="Share on Facebook"> <i class="fab fa-facebook-f"></i> </a> <a 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href="https://www.dailygood.org/story/2207/-iframe-frameborder-no-height-300-scrolling-no-src-https-w-soundcloud-com-player-url-https-3a-api-soundcloud-com-tracks-533017170-and-color-23ff5500-and-auto-play-false-and-hide-related-false-and-show-comments-true-and-show-user-true-and-show-on-being/?t=showComment&cid=7937" class="ms-auto link-icon text-muted"><i class='fa fa-link'></i></a> </div> <div class="comment-content"> <p>Wise spiritual leaders (sages) know the truth of the true self and that too of the “wounded healer” (Nouwen). }:- 💔~❤️ anonemoose monk</p> </div> <div class="comment-actions"> <a href="https://www.dailygood.org/story/2207/-iframe-frameborder-no-height-300-scrolling-no-src-https-w-soundcloud-com-player-url-https-3a-api-soundcloud-com-tracks-533017170-and-color-23ff5500-and-auto-play-false-and-hide-related-false-and-show-comments-true-and-show-user-true-and-show-on-being/?t=showComment&cid=7937#addcomment" class="reply-link" data-cmt-id="7937" data-cmt-author="Patrick 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