我的喉咙痛已经持续了三个星期，而且丝毫没有好转。说话的时候疼痛最为剧烈。所以我决定尽量少说话，休息几天。每当我想说点什么的时候，我都会停下来想一想，是不是值得为了说话而刺激喉咙。
这让我深刻意识到自己何时以及如何使用声音。由此我得出了一个惊人的发现：我花费了大量精力去做一些不利于自身利益的事情。如果我倾听他人的经验可以作为参考的话，那么你也一样。
依我观察，我们说话主要有三个原因：
1. 为了帮助我们自己
2. 帮助他人
3. 彼此联系
这并不奇怪。这三个目标都是合理且有价值的。
然而，令人惊讶的是，我们常常自欺欺人地以为自己正在实现目标，而实际上，我们却在阻碍目标的实现。我越是倾听，就越发现我们是如何损害自身利益的。
我常常忍不住想八卦别人。我意识到这样做是为了让自己感觉好一些（如果我觉得自己比那个人强，我就会感觉更舒服），也是为了和其他八卦者拉近关系。但很明显，这样做只会让我和被我八卦的人疏远。事实上，这甚至可能让我和其他八卦者也疏远；谁会信任一个在背后说人坏话的人呢？我试图加强人际关系的努力，反而伤害了他们。
当我觉得某些信息对别人有帮助时，我也会很想分享。这当然是说话的有效理由。但有好几次，我说话只是为了炫耀自己知道答案，或者为了博取关注，或者为了提升自己在群体中的影响力。我渐渐明白，那些时候我说话的冲动源于渴望被重视。我希望别人喜欢我，看得起我。但谁会喜欢一个爱出风头的人呢？
有时候，我想要通过找到问题的答案或确保自己的意见被采纳来帮助自己。这当然有用。但有时候，我只是想让自己的声音盖过其他人的声音。我发现自己会在会议上想要打断别人的发言，或者为了让别人同意我的观点而争论不休，这样我才能对自己的观点更有信心（在这个政治季，我经常听到这种说法）。这样做真的对别人有帮助吗？
事实上，我惊讶地发现，我常常想要开口说话，只是为了确认自己在这里。我扮演着一个角色。我被注意到了。
我静静地坐着，努力保护自己的嗓子，这时我才有机会注意到其他人说话的方式和时机。我注意到他们都有同样的习惯。
如果要将我们这种适得其反的谈话归结为一个单一的动机，那就是：我们经常说话是为了让自己在短期内感觉好一些。
但生活和人际关系都是长期的。当我们八卦、大声喧哗、在背后议论他人、发表未经请求的意见或拿别人开玩笑时，随着时间的推移，我们实际上是在孤立自己。
减少说话的经历也带来了一些好处：我听得更多了。事实证明，倾听比说话更能有效地帮助我实现演讲目标。
倾听不仅帮助了我，也帮助了他人，而且建立了良好的人际关系，其效果至少与说话一样好，而且附带损害要小得多。
我当然不是建议我们停止交流；如果我们不交流，就无法实现我们的三个目标。我们需要提出需求，需要分享信息。而且，有很多方法——比如赞美他人、复述我们听到的内容——可以通过言语建立关系。
不过，我建议我们在开口说话之前，先从长远角度考虑问题。在开口之前，我们不妨问自己一个简单的问题：我即将说的话会不会有损我说话的三个目的之一？如果答案是肯定的，那就考虑一下省省力气吧。
我的嗓子现在好多了，想说什么就能说什么。这让我有点紧张；既然我知道自我否定有多容易，我还能保持积极说话的状态吗？
值得庆幸的是，喉咙痛给我留下了一份礼物：一段关于喉咙痛的记忆。
这几天，每当我想说话的时候，我都会在脑子里进行一番计算：如果我一天能说的话是有限的，那么我即将说的这句话是否值得我的声音被充分利用呢？
神奇的是，大多数时候我都能立刻知道。
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Nu sunt dator să învăț, să instruiesc și să împărtășesc altora informații.
Fiecare le poate găsi,primi și aplica pentru sine.
In rest,e un articol minunat.
Felicitări!
Numai cu privire la împărtășirea informațiilor e bine să fim atenți.
Fiecare persoană e liberă să-și ia informația de unde consideră, câtă vrea,și pe orice temă alege!
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Plus de asta,informația pe care o am,s-ar putea să nu fie exactă potrivită sau utilă.
The Buddha taught something similarly in the Pali:
“Monks, a statement endowed with five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless and unfaulted by knowledgeable people. Which five?
It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will."
I believe every religion preach good deeds but nevertheless its humans nature who gives himself to the temptation....
very simple, and so good
it remember me the wise and the beauty of islam, that prohibit speaking negatively about others, speaking to show off, speaking to understimate others..etc, and encourage to speak only when it can help, if it is not, silent would be better
it reminds me of what Socrates taught. Before you say something, it must pass a test of the True, the Good, the Useful. If it is neither don't say it. Thank you for reminding. It takes a lot of attention to practice this one.
This is like the movie -
A Thousand Words - acted by Eddie Murphy
I love the reminder - I have heard to THINK before speaking...
is it
Thoughtful
Honest
Intelligent
Necessary or
Kind?
I'll try to practice this today.
what lovely synchronicity for me. i have suddenly found myself losing my voice midsentence to other people - i shall pay special attention to what's causing it. thank you so much
superbbbbbbbbbbb
A propos..
The Quiet World
BY JEFFREY MCDANIEL
In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.
When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.
Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.
When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.
We all come to this world as listener, become reader,
viewer, spectator, speaker as we grow up; but the wise always keeps on
listening to be a knower! – Kolki]
Something to do in the quiet evaluation of your words is to ask: what beautiful human need am I wanting to feed right now. Do I want connection, understanding, companionship, support? And then ask of yourself: what words will most likely be a successful strategy for meeting that/those hungry needs right now?
what a really perfect lesson to think on and USE.... we dont as humans with faults think alot before we usu our mouths!!!! As in the Bible proverbs 10v 20 says. the tongue of those who are upright and in right standing with God are choice silver; the minds of thosse who are wicked and out of harmony with God and man are of litttle value. thanks for reminding me to THINK before i utter a word.x
This is the perfect example of being mindful.
Many thanks for sharing. Hugs, Jess
Excellent advice. I have been sharing: is it true, kind, and necessary in my classes for years. In "The Four Agreements", Don Miguel Ruiz writes that gossip is "black magic." I would add one other piece of advice: if you get a disturbing letter or email, wait AT LEAST 24 hours before responding. A cooling off period guarantees you won't say something you'll regret.
Molly Larkin/www.mollylarkin.com
Thanks for this very valuable reminder!