“如果你想让别人快乐,就去练习慈悲。如果你想让自己快乐,就去练习慈悲。”——达赖喇嘛
我相信,慈悲心是我们能够实践的少数几件事之一,它能为我们的生活带来即时和长久的幸福。我说的不是性、毒品或赌博之类的短暂快感(虽然我并不反对它们),而是能带来真正持久幸福的东西。那种能长久持续的幸福。
培养同情心的关键在于将其养成每日的习惯。
清晨冥想(你可以在查看邮件的同时进行),与人交往时思考它,夜晚反思它。如此,它便成为你生活的一部分。正如达赖喇嘛所说:“这是我简单的宗教。无需寺庙,无需复杂的哲学。我们自己的大脑,我们自己的内心就是我们的寺庙;哲学就是慈悲。”
定义
让我们采用维基百科对“同情心”的定义:
同情是一种感同身受的情感,通常伴随着减轻或缓解他人痛苦的愿望,即对受苦之人表达特殊的善意。同情本质上源于共情,并常常体现在行动中:怀有同情心的人会主动帮助那些他们感到需要同情的人。
慈悲之举通常被认为是顾及他人痛苦并尽力减轻其痛苦,如同对待自身痛苦一般的行为。从这个意义上讲,各种形式的黄金法则显然都基于慈悲的理念。
同情心与其他形式的助人或人道行为不同,因为它主要关注的是减轻痛苦。
好处
为什么要培养同情心?一些科学研究表明,培养同情心对身体有益——有同情心的人体内DHEA(一种对抗衰老过程的激素)的含量会增加100%,而皮质醇(一种“压力激素”)的含量会降低23%。
但慈悲还有其他益处,这些益处体现在情感和精神层面。最主要的益处在于,它能帮助你更快乐,也能让周围的人更快乐。如果我们认同追求幸福是每个人的共同目标,那么慈悲就是实现幸福的主要途径之一。因此,在生活中培养慈悲心,并每天践行慈悲,至关重要。
我们该如何做到这一点呢?本指南包含7种不同的方法,您可以尝试并将它们融入到您的日常生活中。
7种慈悲实践
- 晨间仪式。每天早晨都以仪式迎接新的一天。不妨试试达赖喇嘛推荐的这个仪式:“今天我很幸运能够醒来,我还活着,我拥有宝贵的人身,我不会浪费它。我将竭尽全力提升自我,敞开心扉关爱他人,为了利益一切众生而证得觉悟,我将对他人心存善念,不会生气,也不会对他人心怀恶意,我将尽我所能利益他人。” 完成这个仪式后,尝试以下练习之一。
- 同理心练习。培养同情心的第一步是培养对他人的同理心。我们很多人都认为自己有同理心,而且在某种程度上,几乎每个人都有。但很多时候,我们过于关注自身(我也不例外),导致同理心生疏。不妨试试这个练习:想象一位亲人正在遭受痛苦。他/她遭遇了可怕的事情。现在,试着去想象他/她正在经历的痛苦。尽可能详细地想象这些痛苦。练习几周后,你可以尝试想象你认识的其他人的痛苦,而不仅仅是那些与你亲近的人。
- 练习寻找共同点。与其关注自己与他人的差异,不如尝试发现你们的共同之处。归根结底,我们都是人类。我们需要食物、住所和爱。我们渴望关注、认可、关爱,以及最重要的——幸福。思考你与其他人之间的这些共同点,忽略差异。我最喜欢的练习之一来自《Ode》杂志的一篇精彩文章——这是一个五步练习,可以在与朋友和陌生人见面时尝试。悄悄地进行,并尽量与同一个人完成所有步骤。将注意力集中在对方身上,告诉自己:
- 第一步:“就像我一样,这个人也在追求生活中的幸福。”
- 第二步:“就像我一样,这个人也在努力避免生活中的痛苦。”
- 第三步:“就像我一样,这个人也经历过悲伤、孤独和绝望。”
- 第四步:“就像我一样,这个人也在寻求满足自己的需求。”
- 第五步:“就像我一样,这个人也在学习人生。”
- 减轻痛苦的练习。一旦你能与他人共情,理解他们的人性以及他们的痛苦,下一步就是希望他们摆脱痛苦。这正是慈悲的核心——实际上也是慈悲的定义。试试这个练习:想象一下你最近遇到的某个人的痛苦。现在想象一下,你就是那个正在经历痛苦的人。想想你多么希望他们的痛苦能够结束。想想如果另一个人也希望你的痛苦结束,并且付诸行动,你会多么高兴。向这个人敞开你的心扉,如果你哪怕有一点点希望他们的痛苦结束,就好好想想这种感觉。这就是你想要培养的感觉。通过不断的练习,这种感觉可以不断增长和培养。
- 行善练习。既然你已经熟练掌握了第四个练习,那就更进一步。再次想象你认识或最近遇到的人正在遭受的痛苦。再次想象你就是那个人,正在经历着同样的痛苦。现在想象另一个人希望你的痛苦能够结束——也许是你的母亲或其他亲人。你希望那个人做什么来结束你的痛苦?现在角色互换:你是那个希望对方痛苦结束的人。想象你做了一些事情来帮助减轻对方的痛苦,或者彻底结束它。一旦你熟练掌握了这个阶段,就练习每天做一些小事来帮助结束他人的痛苦,哪怕只是微不足道的小事。哪怕只是一个微笑,一句温暖的话语,帮别人跑腿办事,或者只是和别人聊聊他们的烦恼。练习做一些善事来帮助减轻他人的痛苦。当你熟练掌握之后,想办法把它变成一种日常习惯,最终成为一种贯穿全天的习惯。
- 那些虐待我们的人,也要练习慈悲。慈悲修行的最终阶段,不仅要想要减轻我们所爱之人、所遇之人的痛苦,甚至也要想要减轻那些虐待我们的人的痛苦。当我们遇到虐待我们的人时,不要愤怒地回应,而是选择退缩。之后,当你平静下来,更加超脱时,反思一下那个虐待你的人。试着想象那个人的背景。试着想象那个人小时候接受了怎样的教育。试着想象那个人当时经历的一天或一周,以及他遭遇了哪些不幸。试着想象那个人当时的心情和心境——他当时一定承受着怎样的痛苦才会那样虐待你。要明白,他们的行为并非针对你,而是针对他们自身的痛苦。现在,再多想想那个可怜的人所遭受的痛苦,看看你是否能想象自己去阻止他的痛苦。然后反思一下,如果你曾经亏待过别人,而他们以善意和同情之心对待你,那么下次你是否会更不愿意亏待他们,而更可能善待他们?一旦你掌握了这种反思的技巧,下次别人对待你时,试着以同情和理解的态度回应。循序渐进地练习,直到熟练为止。熟能生巧。
- 睡前例行事项。我强烈建议您在睡前花几分钟时间反思一下您的一天。想想您遇到的人、和您交谈过的人,以及您是如何彼此相处的。想想您今天早上设定的目标——以同理心对待他人。您做得如何?有哪些方面可以做得更好?您从今天的经历中学到了什么?如果您有时间,不妨尝试一下上述的练习和方法。
这些慈悲的修行可以随时随地进行。无论是在工作场所、家中、路上、旅行途中、商店里,还是在朋友或家人家中。通过在一天中穿插早晚的仪式,你可以正确地安排一天的时间,以一种尝试实践慈悲、培养慈悲心的态度来开启新的一天。通过练习,你可以将慈悲融入到日常生活中,并伴随你的一生。
最重要的是,这将给你的生活和你周围的人带来幸福。
你有实践慈悲的经验吗?请在评论区分享你的想法和心得。
“我传达的信息是慈悲、爱与善良的修行。这些品质在我们的日常生活中非常有用,而且对整个人类社会而言,这些修行也至关重要。”——达赖喇嘛
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It wouldn't hurt to use authoritative definitions or references instead of Wikipedia.
I love this article and just reposted it on my Facebook page, Compassion Haiku. One of the things I like is that it provides concrete, tangible ways to build a practice. Another
is the focus on a daily practice. If we want compassion to be our default nature, it stands to reason that we exercise it every day, all the time.
Last year I wrote, Compassion Haiku - Daily insights and practices for developing compassion for yourself and for others. I originally wrote it for myself to develop practices to build my self-compassion and then compassion for others. I invite you to consider it as another means of intentionally cultivating your compassion. An excerpt can be found here: http://amzn.to/14H2hCD
i love this. i belong to an organization that have compassion as its charism. i think this is very helpful to me.
true 100 %
Great suggestions, but only if one is ready to practice such techniques. I personally have found it more appropriate to be more open and compassionate to myself and whatever comes up naturally (particularly feelings of unease, irritation, anger). I found before I used to practice meditation and this practice would actually focus on avoiding what I was actually feeling.
Just thought I'd share my experience which might be useful for others.
Peace and joy to you.
My estranged brother just contacted me to tell me he is probably dying of cancer of the liver or cirrhosis of the liver (his words - I find it strange he doesn't know exactly what is wrong). He says he needs a transplant. He is a long term (nearly 40 years) drug user. He has always been very manipulative and self oriented. I am having a hard time being compassionate toward him. I told him that I am sorry to hear he is ill but that is all that I can do. I am a single working mom with one child in college and another going in a year. I don't have time or energy to deal with my brother but I still feel bad. I practice all the 7 steps above but wonder if compassion can be taken too far. I can't get this out of my head right now.
I also believe that the heart of compassion is to get rid of other people's suffering,and most of the time you only help them with only what you are good at or don't suffer from.For some reasons we develop compassion to keep those heart heart loves happy and next to us as mentioned.According to me and my experience,this is another way of winning someone's heart because they end up thinking that they are really loved, and it is not easy to tell them what they mean to you .i will conclude by saying that you will sometimes think that it was crazy to help when helping those drive you insane and to be honest i'm good at doing that,for more infomation contact me on: 0782414718
brilliant idea. people should try this. it would help others attain their inner harmony.
Truly enjoyable read.
Thank you for sharing . Wonderful tips for practising compassion .
hi Leo
May I suggest a further resources to learn more about empathy and compassion.
The Center for Building a Culture of Empathy
The Culture of Empathy website is the largest internet portal for resources and
information about the values of empathy and compassion. It contains articles,
conferences, definitions, experts, history, interviews, videos, science and
much more about empathy and compassion.
http://CultureOfEmpathy.com
I added a link to your article about empathy to our Empathy Center Facebook page.
http://Facebook.com/Empathy...
I posted a link to your article in our
[Hide Full Comment]Empathy and Compassion Magazine
The latest news about empathy and compassion from around the world
http://bit.ly/nIUwYx
Love this article, I like to practice compassion but I can't. I will practice from today. Thankyou!!!
I like this.
It makes my day full of positive thinking.
Really good one !!!
try this
Joel
Nice posting.What is the place of temperament in exuding compassion? Can it be faked by those who are temperamentally disinclined to it?
Compassion is free like all the other best things in life.
May i be so bold as to suggest an 8th practice to a daily routine? Before you fall asleep at night, look back on your day and give gratitude for all the good things that happened, and even all the challenging things.
thanks.....just wondering...what about being compassionate about ourselves? especially since we judge other based on how we judge ourselves, or?!
Great inspiring article ~ thank you! I especially like the commonalities practice "Just like me, this person is..." Starting from a place of compassion makes it easier to see all the opportunity for simple acts of kindness.
Truly: IF everyone would follow these, the wisest of wisdoms from each of their own true prophets. the world would not be in the state it is today! every time someone interpets something less of this world community there is loss...Imagine, John Lennon
Love conquers all.
I love this!!
Just last night I saw a young lady trying to carry 2 large heavy suitcases on wheels a picture frame and a back pack. She was struggling to get her balance of all the items to continue on her journey. I ran across the street and offered to help. My friend cam with me. We took her suitcases and walked 4 blocks to find her a cab at 11pm. She was on her way to the airport. She was so greatful. I felt like I should be greatful because it gave me a chance to practice being compassionate.
Thanks Dalai Lama. I will forever remember and practice these words
Nice Article..
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING...
Very effective tips indeed. they remind one how these very tips and practices are elaborated in the religion of Islam. Try reading the Koran and the Hadith, prophete Mohammed"s sayings, in an unbiased and stereoyped-free way, and you-ll find that Islam, which means submission to Allah/God is definitely a message of compassion from God to humanity.A compassion fuled by true faith in the One and Only whose guidance, as laid in the Koran, aims at making us compassionate with one another, with nature, with animals and all living creatures on planet earth. In one of his sayings, prophet Mohammed says: compassion if plucked out of a human's heart, that human is doomed to be unhappy" In yet another saying, he relates: "Be compassionate with all those on this planet, so that Allah be with you compassionate.
Passion and purpose beyond self - that goes a long way toward creating better communities and societies.
being positive is the foutain of youuth:)