Y Ddeddf Radicalaidd O Gadael I Bethau Anafu

Aug 13, 2023 3 min read

“Mae galar yn rym o egni na ellir ei reoli na’i ragweld,” adlewyrchodd Elizabeth Gilbert yn sgil colli cariad ei bywyd. "Nid yw galar yn ufuddhau i'ch cynlluniau, na'ch dymuniadau. Bydd galar yn gwneud beth bynnag y mae'n ei ddymuno i chi, pryd bynnag y mae'n dymuno. Yn hynny o beth, mae gan Galar lawer yn gyffredin â Chariad."

Fel cariad, mae galar yn chwyddo i fydysawd mewnol cyfan sy'n dod i liwio'r byd y tu allan i gyd. Fel cariad — y deunydd crai afieithus hwnnw ar gyfer y rhan fwyaf o'r caneuon a'r cerddi a'r paentiadau y mae ein rhywogaeth wedi'u cynhyrchu — mae galar yn byw ei hun trwy'r galar ac ni all ond dweud ei wirionedd. Yn wahanol i gariad, mae ein diwylliant yn cwrdd â llais galar ag aloi o anesmwythder a gwadiad. Dymunwn wneud i'r tristwch ddiflannu, i godi'r galon drist o'i thristwch ar unwaith. Yn aml, rydym yn camgymryd am fethiant personol ein hanallu i achub galar rhywun arall neu gamgymeriad am eu methiant yr anallu i dorri allan ohono ar linell amser ein dymuniadau.

Celf gan Jacqueline Chwast o I Like You gan Sandol Stoddard — serenâd vintage i gyfeillgarwch.

Pan wyliodd y seicotherapydd Megan Devine — creawdwr yr adnodd rhagorol Refuge in Grief ac awdur ei gymar cludadwy,Mae’n iawn Nad Ydwyt Yn Iawn: Cyfarfod Galar a Cholled mewn Diwylliant Nid yw’n Deall ( llyfrgell gyhoeddus ) — ei phartner ifanc, iach yn boddi, ataliodd y golled sydyn a disynnwyr ei byd. Wrth iddi adennill grym cymhelliad bywyd yn araf bach, aeth ati i ailgyfeirio ei phrofiad proffesiynol o astudio deallusrwydd emosiynol a gwydnwch tuag at ddeall yn well y broses ddryslyd, holl-drwblus o alar - y broses a ddefnyddir, fel yr ysgrifennodd Abraham Lincoln yn ei lythyr cysurus hynod dreiddgar at ffrind mewn profedigaeth, yn araf droi poen meddwl colled yn “deimlad trist, melysach” nag yr ydych wedi'i adnabod o'r blaen; trawsnewidiad lle gall cefnogaeth gariadus fedrus wneud byd o wahaniaeth - mae cefnogaeth wahanol iawn i'r hyn rydyn ni'n ei ddychmygu'n reddfol yn helpu.

Celf gan Valerio Vidali o *The Shadow Elephant* gan Nadine Robert — myfyrdod cynnil ar yr hyn sydd ei angen mewn gwirionedd i ddadblu ein gofidiau.

Wrth astudio sut mae pobl yn llywio galar dwys - colli anwyliaid i droseddau treisgar, hunanladdiad, trychineb, marwolaeth babanod, a thrawma trychinebus sydyn eraill - cyrhaeddodd Devine mewnwelediad arestiol. Dro ar ôl tro, sylwodd fod ein ysgogiadau mwyaf greddfol ynghylch helpu’r rhai yr ydym yn dyheu am dawelu eu dioddefaint—trwy eu calonogi, trwy eu hailgyfeirio at y goleudai yn eu bywydau yng nghanol y tywyllwch—yn tueddu i ddyfnhau eu gofid diymadferth ac ehangu’r affwys sydd rhyngom ni a hwy. Ac felly dechreuodd feddwl tybed beth sy'n achub y tristwch aruthrol rydyn ni'n dod ar ei draws yn y byd ac yn ei brofi yn ein bywydau ein hunain.

Dyma beth ddysgodd hi:

COMMUNITY REFLECTIONS

SHARE YOUR REFLECTION

8 PAST RESPONSES

Carter Aug 15, 2023

This brief skit on grief brings me back to one key aspect that always resonates with me: to listen; to listen to someone no matter what the circumstances are: someone hurt, mourning a loved one, indecisive, etc. We don't need to solve everyone's issues or problem: just listen.

Elizabeth Landers Aug 14, 2023

This is hard for me to practice. My brain has been patterned to fix it. It takes awareness & energy to let it be, ro accompany the other in pain. Thanks for your study & this insight that you reframed for me.

Jagannatha Das Aug 14, 2023

Acknowledging grief and pain as a way to ease them seems totally counter-intuitive. However, just like other emotion such as anger and frustration, denying grief and pain of loss usually do not get rid of them. On the contrary, feeling and emotions that were not allowed expression tend to grow and intensify even more. The body and the psyche seem to know what is essential for us at the moment of grief and pain of loss - a quiet time to be in and really allow the moment to work with us internally. The recollection of shared memories. The altered future expectations and dreams and aspirations. The contemplation of what could be in the afterlife. Reconsideration of our priorities and essentials. Eventually, acceptance of what we could no longer change. And the gratitude of what we‘ve shared and what we still have.

Kristin Pedemonti Aug 13, 2023

Thank you for this reminder that it is definitely OK to not be OK. And for those supporting someone grieving to sit in the not ok with that person too. <3 As a Narrative Therapist, 1000% agree with honoring and acknowledging the many layers of grief and that it takes the time it takes. One aspect of Narrative Practices I particularly think is helpful is the idea of 're-membering' rather than 'moving on or forgetting.' Re-membering provides opportunities for the person grieving to speak about the person (or pet) that died and to choose how to keep them alive in their life rather than 'moving on' which US culture seems to push hard on people. An example of Re-membering is: a man keeps the photograph of his wife to whom he was married 50 years at her spot at their kitchen table and each morning he has coffee with her. This is beautiful and healthy. Many people are far too quick to say to someone grieving 'oh, you must move on.'

Reply 1 reply: Jagannatha

Jagannatha Das Aug 14, 2023

Thanks for your insights. Re-membering instead of simply moving on. Not letting go; instead reinforcing the past connections and shared instances. Keep them „alive“ in our memories. Surely there will be some regrets, too. The acceptance of what is will come. Later. Much later. Moving on does not mean forgetting completely.

Patrick Aug 13, 2023

The timeless, even eternal, truth of the wounded healer, exemplified especially in the one called Jesus of Nazareth, incarnate Christ of Divine LOVE (God by any other name we humans choose).

Kathleen Kler Aug 13, 2023

It is a challenge to our own heart to step into our sadness --which we need to do before we can sit quietly with another's. It is an acknowledgement that there is much outside our control; that this loss was not within our power to prevent or change, And feeling powerless drives us to try and fix, fill the hole with platitudes or bravado. Instead, the void waits for us to discover our strength to face the shadows.Walking with the darkness of loss and grief is the way, the only way to fully exist in this bittersweet world of both life and death.

Vijay Deshmukh Aug 13, 2023

It's a good learning in life long.